They say that those whom we love and who love us sometimes hurt us the most and reject us, sometimes it’s circumstances, other times, it’s that they are unable to reconcile who they are or their world with our gifts, talents, worldview etc..We spin our wheels, bang our heads against the wall, getting ourselves and everyone around us into a tizzy trying to force something in a particular direction. When I read this, I saw myself in it, past self, hopefully.
Now, if I reach out, if I maturely show I love you, while still being true to myself and who I am, that should be enough to open the door and get things flowing. Words, no matter how flowery, how great etc…, if who you are as a person holistically is not enough and you loving them is not enough, then no amount of words, or tears etc.. will make any difference and even if it did, it wouldn’t be an organic union or flow forward. Not to say we all don’t have room for improvement, and as one who is studying Kabbalah and is a life long student of spirituality through my own journey and formal studies, I can say we all have room for improvement. However, overall, if you give of yourself fully heart, spirit, soul, have shown that you love, care, have reached out and there is only a chill or a wall, silence, total silence in return, well stepping away without anger, bitterness or any of that, but with a lot of meditating, praying and the Serenity prayer for example, accepting that for this moment in time, it is as it is. This time around when I reach out, I am not reaching out with any specific expectations. I am just reaching out and then leaving it alone. I do meditate, affirm positive thoughts to the situation and all that, but I am not in any way allowing anything that happens in the relationship etc… to bring me down, make me doubt myself etc.. Again this goes back to choice as to whether I want to “suffer” in any way, and I don’t, so I choose not to. For example, as much as my heart would love to have a second chance with a certain person and am open to that, to building a great relationship etc.. with them, if they never again contact me, I won’t allow that to make me doubt myself, or distract from my goals. Should they reach out and we have that reunion, it won’t be words that determine the outcome or if we move forward, but rather the intent of each of us, the sincerity of that intent, the actions, behavior that show love, trust etc..No amount of words can really demonstrate to the others love, trust etc.. only actions truly can. If I can’t trust etc.. based on his actions, behaviors and neither can he based on mine, then no amount of words will matter, because as they say, words, mere words. It’s the actions that count, it’s can we embrace each other differing worldview and all that counts.
We shall see. Namste, Shalom and Amen