The Journey That Led to “Mosaic…”

Journey Leading to “Mosaic…”

For a number of years I had a series of health issues, including thyroid, gastric issues, and arthritis like pain and tender points, fatigue, which just got worse over time.  In Fall of 1994, I stumbled into teaching, though I had always in the back of my mind and deep in my heart, spirit and soul known the arts was my true vocation, and searched for my place in the world.  The health issues got worse and worse, finally it was becoming more and more difficult to work, and keep it together at work, so my mother suggested I see her doctor and she diagnosed Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue, which I still didn’t know was under the umbrella of a Dysautonomia.  It got to the point where I was literally falling apart in front of the students unable to recall what a verb or adjective was and couldn’t lift my arm to write on the board from the intense pain.  It was pretty bad and I was becoming snippy with everyone.   

As it became clear I couldn’t work, I was forced to go on SSDI and thus began the journey.  My lifelong friend Kim suggested that I do something with the arts, as that was something that had always been a constant in my life, so I started doing rough recordings of my songs/poems with improv melodies and putting them out there.  The songs started getting licensed and I then realized after seeing posts online about others and their frustration at how they were dismissed with what they were going through, even by doctors at times, and finding out about the Dysautonomia that I could use the arts to be a voice, for that, to dedicate myself to the arts.

I  then decided to put together the songs, add a few more pieces in Italian and Spanish also and you have “Mosaic of Life and Faith in Poems”.  I have already mapped out several future projects, which I pray the Lord will allow me the privilege to complete over the next two years.  Life and even love may turn me inside out and upside down, but I will always have my faith and the arts, be a voice of hope and inspiration for others.

Seeing Through the Fog of Pain

Another Poem Despite the Pain

A few years ago vertigo caused me to literally fall out of my bed when I reached for something on my dresser and I damaged a disc and hit my head, luckily no concussion, but still did some damage.  I have to periodically get homeopathic shots, or I end up with neck pain and headaches each day.  The pain is back, so back to the five weeks of shots, homeopathic shots.

Despite the pain, constant dull with moments of sharp, can’t breathe, I managed to write another poem.  I am already starting on compilation of poems for volume two of Mosaic, which will also be about faith, life, and love.  This poem today was about love, trusting intuition, and have recently even written one about the breeze. There is so much that can inspire us in this world, so much and I hope to keep being inspired each and every day, in spite of the pain.

Mosaic Samples-Poetry

Mosaic Samples -Theme Love

Sky Eyes

You came into my life, one cold afternoon
As I walked that clanky subway home.
Yet, I never imagined,
What a fateful meeting that would be
And when I saw you again,
My heart skipped a beat or two.

Don’t Want Retribution or Revenge

Sometimes, when I think how love can turn to hate,
I have to hold my breath,
So they don’t hear me cry.
I don’t want to live with that poison in this world.
I wanna live fearless,
In a world where everyone lives in love and peace.

The first one I wrote for someone who turned my life and heart inside out, and was a catalyst for a lot of personal growth.  Some connections just blow you away and turn life upside down and inside out, change you, force you to grow and grow up, God uses them to force change, and they don’t always make sense. 

The second one is an observation of how people can turn bitter on life after a bad experience and how I really prayed I would never allow anything like that to happen to me and I think I have succeeded.  I may hate what people do, but I pray for the Shalom of every person and their transformation in and through Christ every day.

The Dilemma

The Dilemma

As an artist, I would like my focus to be exclusively on writing, recording, nothing more, just the art itself, and yet the art, needs to be promoted.  This E-Book, needs to be promoted to the right literary journals etc…, and future projects the same.  I require a solid plan of action in terms of publicity to organize a book signing and put on my one woman show to promote the upcoming expanded print version, as well as requiring the funds to record a Christmas album I would like to record to put out at the same time I put out the expanded Mosaic print version, an A Cappella Christmas album.  What’s the dilemma?

The first part of the dilemma is that I need a good assistant and publicist to weed out which journals etc.. are the right ones to target, the right radio shows etc…, to create a plan with me and implement it, to help me create all the right promotional material.  Then there is the recording of the Christmas album, getting that done in time for a mid-October release.  The other part of the dilemma is how do I, being in debt, in part because of the dysautonomia, and on SSDI actually pay for a publicist and the space, mastering, mixing to record the album, all of this, all with the goal in part of bringing awareness of dysautonomia, how devastating in can be, but also how faith can help you overcome whatever obstacles come your way, how perseverance can help you past obstacles if you focus, and have faith, discernment? True several of my songs have been licensed and even put under contract and in historical archive for future use by Amazon and the Mosaic book has come out, but until those funds come in from royalties and such, I still am in a bit of a pickle.

What is this artist to do?

Goals July-August 2014

Goals

I have set a few goals for myself for July in terms of my artistic project, my book “Mosaic of Life and Faith in Poems”.  Goals I am realizing are important, not so say they should be inflexible and written in stone, but they provide a guideline, something to reach for to keep one disciplined. Whether you are an artist or an administrative assistant, even a stay at home mom, a most noble thing I might add, setting realistic monthly goals is a good thing.  They can be adjusted as needed.

Goals:

  • Launch E-Book- Mosaic
  • Create a brochure 
  • Create business cards ready by mid-July 
  • Engage full online promotion of book as of
  • Attend events where I can network and distribute brochure at least twice a month, or organize events via meet up groups I belong to myself
  • Find a way to get a publicist on commission to launch full publicity campaign in the NY/NJ area online and offline

 

Poetry Samples Mosaic -Dysautonomia

Dysautonomia

Today may bring me smiles and joys,

But it may also bring me tears and sighs.

Though this valley of life,

There is no way to know,

From one day,

One moment, to the next

I do know where my courage and strength lie,

where to turn to.

The precious redeemer,

my armor in the storm.

 

There are days when the fog is go heavy,

I can barely think through the day.

There are days when it seems knives

are being thrown at me every which way,

but I wont lay down and die.

Maybe it’s karma coming back to get its’ due,

I don’t really know.

I do know I have to stand tall

and fight through the darkness to the light.

 

These poems reflect my roller coaster journey of Dysautonomia daily.  The first one reflects daily how I never know when I wake up what the day is going to be, whether I will feel exhausted because I haven’t slept for two or three days, barely slept etc… who knows.

The second one reflects one of a number of horrible nights of pain, intense pain etc.. where I literally thought I wasn’t going to make it through because of the pain, nausea etc… and prayer got me through it.  Dysautonomia can be quite devastating and without faith, a good anchor totally pull you under and drown you.

 

Poetry Samples From Mosaic=Pro-Life

Pro-life Poems – Samples

Hey Mom

Don’t you know,

I’m already dreaming

Of being held by you.

And who knows,

What more our future holds.

Hey mom,

Don’t you know,

I can feel your pain and mine,

All this,

While I’m still inside of you.

 

Mankind kills its’ young, butchered and maims them like ferocious savages.

Does so in the name of women’s rights, progress, and personal ambitions,

Even population control,

Bogus excuses everywhere.

It mocks sacred union of one man and one woman,

And it’s anything goes.

Twist scripture; maim it, to suit your sinful self and desires,

All kinds of modern crap.

They turn their backs on the Message of the Cross.

Merciful and patient yet is Hashem.

The first poem I wrote thinking of the child in the womb and what might he or she say to the parent, what would he or she be feeling.  If you don’t value a child from conception, and marriage as intended by the Lord, the what will you value in society, nothing.  We see it each and every day as our society deteriorates and anything goes with “morals are relative” philosophy.  

The second one I wrote looking at the world around me the mass abortions, war, all of it and pour out what the Holy Spirit moved me to pour out, as in all my poetry and works.