Do I Stay or Do I Walk Away?
Certain revelations would have devastated me in the past, torn me up on so many levels. Artists, we are very sensitive people, sometimes we are accused of being too sensitive, and as an intuitive with spiritual discernment and receiving words of knowledge even more so in mycase perhaps. However, as we mature, hopefully we learn to discipline all ofthat and channel it constructively, which is what I think I have done.
As I meditated and contemplated etc.. las tnight, it dawned on me that a particular connection that initiated about 20years ago, when it first initiated, as soon as this person spoke to me, I knewit was going to be epic, turn life upside down and potentially tear me apart,just knew in my gut, my heart, spirit, soul, without knowing anything aboutthem, just by their voice. Turned out I was right, but I also knew it wasa connection that could never die, would never die, was going to stay with meforever, be imprinted in my heart, spirit and my soul for the rest of my life,whether I liked it or not. I knew that whether they were physically present or not, they would be like a phantom always there, and I would always be connected and even when they were not in my life, I knew when they werethinking of me, missing me, were having a tough time in their life etc…, justknew through a gut feeling, or a dream I would have, even when I had given them no thought for a good period of time. Now that they came back into mylife it’s still the same that epic connection, that knowing, the deep caring all of it. There’s also still a few tears, nothing like before, nowherenear like before thank The Lord, nowhere near the devastating emotions like before, thank The Lord. I have embraced who I am so fully as an intuitive, an artist, a sensitive that it doesn’t devastate me. However,I did have a revelation that I have to accept and make a decision about.
The connection is epic, amazing in its’ ownway and served as a great catalyst for my personal growth and I do care deeply for this person, very deeply. Yet, this connection is not a relationship, notas God would define a relationship rightly or me for that matter. Ibelieve if a commitment is made it has great potential to be one forever. Right now it isn’t, not as I envision a relationship, a right one. To be real and true solid and happy one a has to steeped every day in a few solidprinciples every day: mutual caring, kindness, respect, tenderness, empathy, intellectualexchange and stimulation, spiritual exploration, artistic exploration, fidelityof heart, body, spirit and mind, a certain level of passion. It’s sharing in activities daily, in the good and the bad daily, encouraging each other’s vocation, hopes and dreams, talents. The key is mutual, not just one perso ndoing all the reaching out, sharing etc…I know this connection with the right commitment has every potential to be this and much more. We may not have the save political views, but I can always pray they come to their conservative senses and unconditionally support Israel no matter what through thick and thin. Miracles can happen, right?
I have a decision to make. l have to answer the question: Do I Stay or Do I Walk Away? The answer that will save me further tears is walk away, focus on your art, your future, your life and when they can come back with a commitment, ready to offer what I know is a relationship, not just an epic connection and certain things in hand to show you, then truly let them back in. What does my gut say, what does the Spirit guide me to do? It prompts me to not walk away in the sense of turn my back on this connection, but let go so that God can make it work for good, pray, meditate, and love that person in heart, spirit and soul, live your life, live your art and let it all flow as it should. As they heal and get their healing work done, which I can feel being done, I feel the effects, which is intense, but good I guess, as it’s purging me as well in a way, our over all connection of anything toxic. Meantime, I get some good poetry and writing out of it.
I also remembered something else just now. They say that if you love someone you let go and if they love you and are destined for you, then they will come back forever. I don’t mean let go as in give up or stop loving them, but just give them space to sort out what has to be sorted out, send them your love in prayer, meditation and spirit, let the heavens work their magic. Let them know periodically you love them and when it’s time for them to come home permanently to you then I guess they will. Until then, as an intuitive and empath, I deal with what I feel when I feel it and d the best I can through my art and my writing.
Shalom and Amen