Where Has She Been?
Not posted in a bit, but it’s been a week of fatigue, of my BP and sugar levels going all wonky and I realized a lot of it has to do with psychic sensitivity, which I have high levels of. It is not an easy “gift” part of myself to manage day to day, but it is a part of me and I am working through how to accept it all as part of me, to accept all of me, including these gifts, and how they fit into my life, vocation, all that I am. I will in time.
I have had a bit of scare, another and another, recently my Blood Pressure going as high as 246/136, pulse over 100, couldn’t , move my arm, nausea, was a bit scary. I have been having issues with breathing and tightness in my chest, pain also in my arm, so they recently did an echo cardiogram and I have dystolic dysfunction in the left valve of my heart. I thought about whether if I could be reborn, if I would change being this sensitive, and I decided, no. I have come to love who I am as wonky, as emphatic, even oversensitive sometimes, or too balsy, too stubborn. It’s a package deal, so take me for leave me as is. Not to say I haven’t mellowed and gotten more constructive in managing my emphatic gifts and all, but the core of me, I wouldn’t change for anything. It’s who God made me to me and if that means my heart gets a bit damaged in the process, literally and emotionally, well that’s fine with me. Being hypersensitive, a times a bit impatient, at others too analytical, and at others too “emotional” whatever the hell that means is what makes me a songwriter, poet, blogger, metaphysical minister, essentially the enigma that is me. Love me or leave me, it’s who I am, who I will always be.
Namaste and Shalom