As I look at my life I have to be honest and take a look at my own truths and fears.
1. I spent so much time trying to be what I thought I ought be, others wanted me to be, so I thought I wanted a big chunk of time going in circles
2. I went against my own sacred boundaries in relationship and have only recently been able to really enter a place of self forgiveness really accepting that to error is human and forgive divine
3. I’ve used my childhood pain and even my mom’s fears for me as a shield to protect myself against life and making choices, decisions and living life fully
4. I have had a lot of walls up, so I couldn’t be anyone’s partner in life, not before
1. I’ll never quite measure up intellectually, economically, career status wise, or in some way in a situation or relationship
2. Therefore I will be hurt, rejected
3. I wont ever be able to be a partner in a relationship and will let the other person down, they will be hurt because of me
Are these fears realistic, no, but they lurk in the shadows, and so as much as I might love someone, a part of me is afraid to be in a committed union or even take on commitment in a professional setting because what if I don’t have what it takes, don’t measure up, get it wrong, am not perfect, let everyone down, then what? Problem is I have wasted a lot of time with this mindset and I have to get past it and I have to a good extent, except perhaps in the relationship area, there is still some of these fears lurking in respect to relationship. I hope with the right person, Twin Flame, Soulmate, that will be totally overcome.