I want to thank all those who touched my life in some way first and foremost. To those past, present, including those who I am now realizing may not have the courage to be part of my life, and I have to release the connection.
Some of those who were in my life caused me joy, some pain, some a combination, including my dad, and someone I had very deep feeling for and was involved with for a long while because I just couldn’t bring myself to let go and kept going back to something that just ended up causing me pain, even if there were moments of joy. Then there were the dreams long postponed, the finances I did not handle well for a long time, and the fibromyalgia that turned everything upside down and inside out, which actually turned out to be a huge blessing. It is in part because of the fibro that I took the artist way. As I look back and as I look at a world gone mad, a college generation run amok, I realize what is different in me and that is mindset. I have a different mindset than I did in the past, than I did growing up. It is not a mindset of “fate has dealt me this card and that card, what can I do?” or any of that crap. It is not a mindset of being a victim of circumstance, of anything and it is not a mindset of being willing to live in any box, certainly not one imposed by others, which would limit my talents from flourishing so on and so forth. Others may not like it, may even rub some the wrong way, but I am not responsible for how others feel, choose to feel about my life decisions for fulfilling my dreams, my hopes, my true heart, not professionally, not even pursuing true love, one that is true pure agape and yes a touch of eros as well, why not. Whether it is a student in a classroom, an employee, a manager, an artist, anyone, we are as much a victim as we choose to be at any given time. Even within prison walls, one can be free, one can work to better one’s self and then give back to society when one leaves those walls. If we believe we are doomed to be in debt forever, then we will be, rather than finding a way to settle that debt etc… If we believe that the disease, or syndrome defines us, then it will and we will crawl up in a ball in a corner and never live. If we believe we can not reach out to another, love another or be loved, then we won’t. We choose whether someone walks away from a relationship before it even has a chance based by how we treat them, respond to them before it has even really started. If we act cold, uncaring etc… to them, but with others we are all warm and fuzzy, then we basically are telling them leave, you I don’t care to have anything to do with. When that person decides to do just that, we can’t than moan and groan that they have no interest in being part of our lives, act like victims. We acted cold, uncaring, unresponsive, and we then get that back, what can we expect? We are only victims in as far as we have made ourselves victims, not anyone else has made us victims, and we as a society, as individuals must not live in a victim mentality.
Namaste, Shalom and Amen