Can you care deeply, have deep connection, still be on some level reluctant about being with someone? Yeah.
You can care about someone, maybe even have connected to someone very deeply and it’s mutual, your heart, your psychic center as an empath etc… tells you strongly it is mutual. There are signs it is and you feel there is great potential for the relationship, the union, you feel it in your gut, your deepest psychic center. Yet either because of their not having responded to your reaching out, you feeling they are too closed of heart compared to your being an open book, heart on your sleeve, or whatever the reason, a part of you feels reluctant to fully embrace the possibility of a union, even if they were to suddenly show up and say they wanted one with you. Maybe you have gone through the scenario in your head of what it would be like, what you would say or do etc…, imagining the different outcomes. That can be lousy because one of the outcomes you can imagine is all that can go wrong outcome. Then you get too scared etc.. and you talk yourself right out of it. Usually there is a reason why you feel that reluctance, so to just dismiss it, no shouldn’t dismiss it outright, but also shouldn’t allow it to keep you from moving forward with a connection, relationship if you truly are connected, feel a connection to a person. What do you do?
The thing is, you really can’t get past any reluctance until you talk to the person, until you are both face to face. Once you are face to face, you see how you feel one one on one, face to face, discussing any issues, any reluctance etc…, only then can you see what possibilities the relationship and future hold. Unless and until you actually sit down with the person and talk, it’s all just speculation in your head, now I am not talking about abuse situations, where there was a history of abuse or anything like that and the person wants to come back in, no. Sometimes you have friendships, or other relationships that for different reasons never got off the ground or had a bit of a rocky road due to baggage you both were carrying, immaturity, circumstance at the time made it impossible for there to be a relationship, or one person reached out the other didn’t respond at the time to the reaching out in friendship for whatever reason, then they do. Maybe you feel like “why should I now give you the time of day when you basically smacked down my outreach for friendship?” Then again, they could have had circumstances you don’t know about going on, so maybe need to hear them out. I have one or two connections that I have zero uncertainty about reconnecting with, whom I met once or twice in context of ministry, then there are others, I have two other connections that for different reasons, even in the context of creative collaboration, I have hesitancy and reluctance. However, I realize it is not them, it’s me, I am the one with the doubts etc… and really it comes down to being willing to sit down one on one should either ever decide to be in my life in any capacity and listen, discuss, be open fully to them of heart and soul, as I am with my arts, with all of you here with my blog.
Namaste, Shalom and Amen