mourning us

When the Spirit of Hashem moves me to ask and seek to answer a question, I have learned to just to ahead and do so.  The question posed to me, to look at was this.  

The greater sin, divorce or dead inside?  Interesting question.  No one goes into a marital union with intent to divorce, but wrong choices and not marrying for both love and what I deem a combo of compliment and synergy nurtured throughout one’s lifetime will lead to death, inner death and thus marital death.  Is it a greater sin to divorce or to stay in a dead union, one that is dead heart body spirit soul in the marital sense and one lives more as brother and sister, so one or both are getting their “jollies” elsewhere, and perhaps are in love with someone else.  Marriage is not meant to be a funeral, nor is it meant to be a hotel or Laundromat or Bed and Breakfast, but a very vibrant mutual learning experience and experience for sharing, growing and so much more throughout a lifetime.  Both are supposed to challenge each other to grow as people, in their gifts etc…, not tell the other what they want to hear all the time just to keep the peace, and even when their are vigorous differences of viewpoint, they should still be able to look at the other, think about the other, and smile, have plenty of love bursting out heart body spirit and soul, unless one of the viewpoints is truly depraved.  Marriage is not supposed to be this empty void, this empty carcass, a heart that has hardened, or something where you look at the other and either feel nothing, no matter what has been tried and done, or all you see is a sister or a best buddy, even disdain.  That is unholy to both parties and to the Covenant itself any of it.  At that point when it has become for some considerable time any of or all of this for one or both, leading to misery, ill health, stagnation of even creativity etc.., the question must be asked of which is the greater sin.  Is the greater sin divorce or death inside, living in a state of death and decay, thus causing dishonor to both of you and marriage itself?  I know for me it’s the second one.   Then that leads me to also think about the fact that it also applies do relationship in general.  If we can have vigorous debates, agree to disagree, deal each other constructive tough love and still love each other at the end of the day on every level for the rest years to come, or if we still do, then we are keepers as friends, colleagues, or even in terms of life partners.  I guess that is a major test.  It one me and my friend, sister Kim have passed after over 30 years with flying colors.  One or two other friendships, can’t say the same, but I knew it was right to walk away, the greater sin would have been to continue the friendship, connection.

It is important to really weigh in life at times which is the greater sin, and are we staying where it is dead out of pure ego and/or fear.  If we are and making it misery for all, then that the greatest sin of all.  

Namaste, Shalom and Amen