I am 51 and have never been married, and I have always felt I would marry but later in life. I believe it is because of two factors. One I was not prepared before and two the person I am supposed to marry, the one right for me and vice versa will come forward ready for me and a relationship with me now. Timing, as timing is important. As I make my spiritual journey into my authentic self and also judaism, I find myself thinking about my parents, divorce a range of things. I want to discuss divorce and a question came to me about the greater sin.
I have asked myself which is the greater sin. Is the greater sin to divorce or to live a marriage that is not a full marriage of deep profound love etc… heart body spirit and soul? Which of the two is the greater sin? Marriage is to be all encompassing heart, body, spirit and soul. I am not talking about animal lust, wild teenage lust all the time. You are supposed to have a fullness of desire to want to be with your partner, to really have a sense of cherishing their heart, body, spirit, soul, even when you vehemently disagree and want to smack them upside the head for stupidity and ideological differences. Even then, you should still be able to find them very exciting, attractive, engaging, witty, lighting your fire, of course nothing should ever be to where it physically harms or gets out of hand, but good banter and debate, should not be a problem. Nor should agreeing to disagree. When a marriage is at a point where the heart, body, spirit and soul are dead as husband and wife, at best you are brother and sister, or best buds, that is not honorable to either of you, especially if it makes you both or either of you miserable, ill even. If you are doing everything to stay away from each other, have zero intimacy because it’s literally dead. It’s at that point a dishonor to each other to pretend to be married when in reality you no longer are. To put up pretense to anyone even yourself or each other is a dishonor and a great sin, a falsehood. That is not anything good or sacred or beautiful not for those involved in the falsehood or for Hashem. Something to consider.
Thus the question of is it a greater sin to divorce or to say where all is dead as regards what a marriage ought to be in it’s fullness. I suppose if I ask myself that in regards to my looking for a partner, I have to ask myself the following. Do I have a bond with that person and they with me that even if we disagree ideologically on stuff, we still love deeply heart body spirit soul, want each other heart body spirit soul etc…? If the answer is yes, then okay, full steam forward, if not, then no. Luckily I am pretty good at discerning that.
Namaste, Shalom and Amen