I have been dealing with bronchial infection, allergies and a cough that would not let up, and post nasal that was loving me so much didn’t want to go away. Last night, it all caught up with me. My ability of calm in the storm, especially to keep calm for the sake of my 92 year old mom who is diabetic, whose heart is a bit wonky, was put to the test.
I was watching TV, Andre Reiu on PBS when suddenly knife stabbing chest pain right in the middle of my chest. It was excruciatingly painful to breathe, to move, my BP had shot up and even after a few minutes it was not getting better. I calmly got dressed, called the paramedics, they came over took my vitals the info and to the ER across the street I went. We called my cousin who lives in the building next to ours and they met us there as the paramedics took me across the street to the ER. I am in the ER in a lot of pain, coughing, acid reflux, nausea and I can sense, as an empath and all that, that someone has picked up on my being in trouble, their psychic self has and they are frantic, their spirit, psyche is, I can so clearly sense it. Here I am in a lot of pain etc…trying to calm mom down and also this person spiritually telepathically, who on a psychic consciousness level picked up what was going on with me and whose spirit, psyche was freaking in subconsciously. Yet I was calm, in the midst of the storm I was calm, and I was even thinking of artistic projects I would like to do, my vocational path as the Sacred Artist and Poet. After a bunch of tests, the doc determined it was Angina Pectoris, brought on by the stress of the bronchitis, the allergies that were ongoing with the post nasal stuff, coughing, my thyroid having gone a bit wonky again, but not damage to the heart. My heart is a tough cookie, probably why I keep putting it out there, offering it and my friendship, even if it might get rejected, trampled on etc..because I know it will survive. It might experience some real bad ass pain, but it like me will always survive and come out stronger, wiser. I do hope this time in life the good Lord sees fit to have my heart taken care of, not trampled on etc…and I am meditating on who and what I want in my life. Maybe this was meant during this advent season to help me try and get even greater clarity on that. I do know that my faith kept me calm in the storm with a sense of whatever happens, it will all be okay and what is meant to happen.
Though storms rage all around, it is possible to be in calm waters, but that takes a lot of faith and it is not always easy to find that faith, especially in a world so topsy turvy. I find it in the people in my life, in the amazing complexity of nature and beauty of nature, smiles of children, little things. It is wonderful to be able to stay calm in the rough waters.