Can’t Run or Hide From Them

Letting Go Never Easy, But Necessary

 

Some things you can run from, hide from, I mean when you’re kids you play hide and seek, no problem.  You can run from the crazy neighbor by not answering the phone or door, pretend you are not home, so some things you can run from, hide from.  Then there are some things, you can’t run or hide from.  

I suddenly found a certain song come on Youtube and realized memories are the one thing, along with your emotional baggage you can’t ever run from.  You can change apartments, cities, states, counties, countries, hair color all that, but you would be a fool to think you can ever ever run from any of that.  It becomes a game of catch up and you will never outrun the memories or the baggage.  Luckily the baggage you can get rid of and over time the memories fade, but running, thinking that will take care of that, make life honky dorey, is silly to put it kindly.  It’s no picnic being in the thick of memories all of them, the good, bad, full range, not fun at all, not one bit, but for healing to take place in any real way it all has to be faced head on stared down and when you come up out of the deep and the cold, ice cold water, you come out stronger.  If you have some really great supportive anyone around to let you know they have your back as you make this journey of face these memories, a lot easier granted and hopefully you do or God puts that person in your path.  I do know that memories even if they fade, don’t get erased, are always there and they can’t be ignored as if they never happened, don’t exist, same with pain, especially the emotional kind.  That is something I have had to learn and it has taken me a long time and been a long journey and I hope others learn it a lot faster than I learned the lesson and process their baggage, face their “demons” a lot faster than I faced mine in life.  I always thought if only I could go to another state, country, planet, world then no more emotional hurt, no more ikky memories etc.., all would be by magic made okay, but that is not the case because memories, feelings are in the heart, spirit, soul, muscles and molecular levels of our being, so they go with us wherever we go.  I am realizing I have to be much more aware, focused, streamlined etc.. with my life and create much better and aligned to common ground with me choices etc… and better memories for my life.  Life keeps teaching and making things clearer if I stay open to understanding and what the Holy Spirit wants understood. 

Amen

Love Yourself Enough, Don’t Drown

slide_337809_3550010_free

The Journey That is Life.

Amazing how much we tie ourselves to the approval of others in life, and to some extent it is understandable, same with achievement.  However….

There is a question to ask and that question is:  At what price?  If we are seeking allocates, approval, and achievement as a way to prove to those who did us wrong that we are good enough, worthy enough etc… or to prove that to ourselves, then we will run the risk of burning the midnight oil and burning the candle at both ends to the point of burning ourselves out and even drowning.  Love is a beautiful thing and loving others is beautiful, but if one does not love one’s self enough to not run around in circles, run away from life, burn the midnight oil and the candles at both ends, and get major decluttering going on in one’s life, then how can you be okay for anyone else.  You have to be present both in the moment and long term for key people in your life, including God and yourself.  That is hard to do if you are exhausting yourself either because you are trying to fill your time to run away from life, inner demons, problems, feelings whatever the reason, and have not focused your energies etc… on one specific avenue, thing and path.  Approval, recognition is nice, don’t get me wrong, but if one is running around like a chicken without a head to get that and if achievement of great things is an absolute need, and one is driving one’s self to exhaustion in that pursuit of that, then again I ask:  At what price?  If for example a producer drives his dancers etc… to rehearse 18 hours six days a week to the point of collapse that destroys them all and the show goes bankrupt, so how did that do anyone any good?  Life is a production, a theater play etc.. and we are the producers, directors and stars, which is a heavy load to begin with.  If we don’t keep things very focused, decluttered, a very clear vision present and future, we will find ourselves exhausted and a whole bunch of puzzle pieces scattered before us that make no sense whatsoever.  What do we do not to end up with all these scattered pieces?

You’ve heard the phrase and there was even a movie made with the title as I recall “Something’s Gotta Give”.  Well, something’s gotta give, gotta, go, and there has got to be priority and focus.  Some stuff one has to say bye, caio, adios, sayonara to.  To do that, one has to truly embrace one’s true path, and be willing to let go of other stuff, even some stuff dear to them, which is not easy.  We might feel we have an obligation, even attached to legacies we need to carry on, but we in the end but mortal beings and each of us is only one person, we can not shoulder the weight of the world, and a pie remember can only be cut into so many pieces before it crumbles and then no one gets any pie and everyone is left resentful because none got any pie.  At the end of the day the best achievement anyone of us can achieve in this life is to totally declutter on all levels including emotionally, vocationally in every way and pursue with our all that one path that is our truest path and passion.  If we are lucky enough to find  even one really kindred soul to walk that path with, then wow, life really is a bowl of sweet cherries.

Amen

Measure Up. Up To What?

Letting Go Never Easy, But Necessary

For some reason the Holy Spirit is giving me this to share, write and I am learning, not to argue when that happens, so here goes.  Try to do it all, be it all etc.., scatter myself to the four corners, take on every endeavor under the sun, scatter myself into so many pieces and try to live up to everyone’s ideal and expectations and never say no because oh gee what if then they don’t like me or a I lose a friend, or a family member won’t talk to me because I am not bending over backwards to be all etc..? 

Sound familiar to anyone?  It might to some because human beings have this notion of measuring up to something, even to our own high to the high heavens expectations and wanting so much to be valued, loved etc… that we scatter ourselves to the four winds, take on everything, in the end left like this photo, total collapse, in very respect and none of our true dreams, potential fulfilled.  We might be so busy wanting to be liked, loved, measure up to even some ideal for God and our own self ideal of what we think we ought to be of perfection perhaps, and also trying to achieve a dream dear to our hearts, that we break ourselves up into so many pieces that then no one knows we are, we don’t even know who we are.  That serves no one, not us, not others, not even God.  What do we do, how do we stop this pattern and cycle?  Some core steps need to be taken:

  1.  Determine the path the Holy Spirit is truly leading you to, your truest vocation, passion and such
  2.  Declutter everything else as best you can to focus on that
  3. Cut toxic cords, patterns that block that path, figure out that
  4. Find people of like mind to help build you up in that path and walk that path with you
  5. Repeat 2 is crucial
  6. Have trust and faith that if that is your truest passion, truest love, then it is what you are meant for, and go for it, constructively with solid people who support you in that path, will partner with you in that path, but go for it
  7. Remember that the only real approval you need is that of the Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit for your path

Is it easy as pie easy breezy, didn’t say that. If you have the courage to confront your “demons” declutter your heart, spirit, soul, life, and you find people who do support your journey and can also learn to say no, really focus on that truest love and passion in the area of vocation, then lots of peace and good stuff can happen.  Same with relationships.  Having a bunch of people in your life doesn’t mean a lot if you don’t have key people, or key person to make the journey with that you are passionate about and can share it with you, with full support of that journey, that you can have a deep connection to on many levels including spiritual.    Declutter, detox, all that and then life can be quite ” vita bella”.

Amen

Two Things Stand Out In My Journey

Life and Liberty, God Bless America

The light shines within., going out in connection to the Divine Creator.

My spiritual journey has been quite a journey, a maze and though never a crisis of faith in terms of doubting there was a God or that Jesus existed, not even doubting really the Holy Spirit of God, that guiding Spirit, the journey has been a different one.  

When your parents divorce as a kid and it is a bitter one, the families each speak ill of the other parent, any sense of safety and any sense of the world making sense or anything making sense, of any direction of life goes right out the window.   You lose all your footing and then when you lose all contact with your dad after the age of ten, you might end up with a love-reject you and a whole other mix of feeling relationship with God, and even the hierarchy of the Church trying to tell you how to live your life.  Trusting God as a dad, trusting even the teachings of the Church, that Spirit though you really do know it is truth is tough.  You might find yourself in search of that perfect truth and safety net that was taken away, though it was always there because well God never left you,. and he was always the perfect father who gave the ultimate gift for you, his only son, but that is hard to see sometimes when as a child your whole world comes crashing down around you and you are the chess piece in a war to hurt the other.  I have had to come to terms with all of that and I have thankfully, through the arts and my having to explore why I was drawn to Judaism etc.. my whole life and why I had this resistance to the Church, this complex relationship with God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit.  I addressed that in another blog and I have reconciled that and am now fine with the Church, the teachings etc…, am going to be studying the faith looking to understand it again with fresh eyes and mind.

Then there was Jesus and I had to also look at that and I had to ask three questions there. First, why did I have a resistance to fully believing he was Messiah and now I have had to also ask do I take both Peter at his word that he had the revelation that he was the Christ and also did I take Jesus at his word that he was he he said he was when he spoke to the woman at the well and confirmed Peter’s revelation?  The first question, it went back to my dad.  If he didn’t want to take me with me, if he didn’t fight for me, want me why would God send the Messiah for me or any of us messed up humans, why?  On some level I rejected the whole premise of us meriting a Messiah, which may not make sense except to me it did, past tense.  As to the other questions, again trust issues, for the longest time, it came down to trust issues for me, though at this time it was mainly about living the faith that Jesus lived mainly, though there still is some residual trust stuff there still, can’t deny it and maybe some safety stuff still present, some.  I have to make a decision as to whether I am going to take God, Peter and Jesus at their Word, based on The Word and I figure since I was kind of born with faith in God, in a creator, then I should probably take Peter and Jesus at their word.  Does that mean all my trust and safety issues from childhood have magically disappeared, hell no, but pretty good bet that they have resolved themselves to a good degree.  Healing is an ongoing life process, so all we can do is keep living, praying, and be open to love and healing.

Amen

Castle Falling, Too ?, Scattered To See

Letting Go Never Easy, But Necessary

 

There are times when you are watching people in a castle that is falling down and they just don’t see it.  You see it, and quite clearly.  Why don’t they see it? 

Issues, and scattering, lack of focus.  Often in life we can have a true passion, but not know how to focus that passion, have a true path, vocation, love and yet not have had the opportunities, courage etc.. to pursue it early on in life, so we don’t and then we take on a million projects and start to dabble in that which is our passion.  Yet, because we have not found a way to channel that passion, that love into a central core venue and are basically flying by the seat of our pants, no plan, just in the moment, moment by moment, no long range plans, lots of baggage maybe and stuff we ran away from, haven’t really faced, memories we refuse to process, just ran from we are in a sand castle that at any moment will crumble and we will hit that bottom hard.  We may be dividing ourselves into many pieces, problem with that is we will end up shattered and into a million pieces and take everything down with us.  Our passion, true love and vocation must have a core outlet and venue, and for example for me right now it is these blogs.  Ideally it would be also a partnership with a like minded partner and soulmate with whom I would be producing and creating material as well, joint production team artistically and in deep friendship, that’s a whole different issue.  What I am sensing and seeing is a situation of scattered energy, scattered dreams, time etc.., no focus of the core passion, core vocation and calling into any one core venue, outlet, partnership creatively.  Even Meatloaf had one core artist collaboration, even if it went through a rough patch, same with Simon and Garfunkel.   I realize even for my own life that scattering of energy and diluting your passion, not really focusing on that which is your passion, trying to divide yourself here, there and everywhere, keeping busy for the sake of busy as I tried to do in the past, running from issues, feelings etc… is not ever a good thing, ever.  Stuff has to be faced, dealt with, constructively, but dealt with.  Passions needs to be focused, one’s vocation clarified and then a core venue for that chosen, and core alliance for that formed, a positive dynamic one that will spur you to grow in every direction and to grow up as well, whether you like it or not!  I am also at a point where I realize people clutter their lives as a way of not facing themselves, or what they think is boredom, they want thrills all the time, as if somehow quiet time with self, with maybe just one other person and God, total silence with self and God or just one other person is a horror.  It is not, it can be absolute beauty and give way to great creative output.    The arts is a all or nothing kind of path and if you want that path, well you have to give up other pieces in order to make it happen, to really give it all your passion, especially if you are getting into it later in life, sorry that is the truth.   I also think having a really great creative partner helps, one who will kick your tukkus and they will kick yours as required to help you focus, grow etc…, inspire you every day,  that you can bounce stuff off of,   and study with, really explore, have a ball with as you make that incredible artistic very focused journey.  Scattering, dividing of self into many pieces, trying to be something for everyone and not focused on your path, your journey, core passion will lead one over the cliff and take everything along with you.  When you see someone on that path of being divided into so many pieces, not focused on their true primary passion, knowing you have that same love of the arts as the primary love, the potential of collaboration if there were focus on the creative as a team, equal partners team and that they are driving 180 on a 50 mile zone headed for a cliff, right over it, it can be really frustrating, even more so when you are an intuitive and empath, words can not begin to describe it.  So, what do you do when you see someone scattered to the winds, not focused on their true passion, and not having a core outlet venue for that and not sure if there is a key alliance creatively in their life that challenges them artistically, creatively, etc…since  an artist needs to be challenged so on and so forth, especially when you feel they have potential, sense they have potential?

At some point, you make your point one last time, put it out there as strongly as you can one last time and you pray, just keep praying, meditating, and praying for a miracle that they will declutter, and get extremely focused on their true path, primary vocation and passion and with a core venue, core alliance, even collaborating with you, whatever role you are meant to play in that journey of theirs core alliance, whatever, they begin that very focused journey.   Meantime, you simply keep doing what you are doing and hope for great things in your own life and your own journey, so your castle gets stronger and never falters, never falls.  If they refuse to see that their sandcastle is on very shaky ground and not very fortified because of their scattered focus, well then their castle and everything they are working with will have to crumble as well.  Only then perhaps will they finally get make that leap to focus focus focus, declutter,  etc.. 

Amen

Sometimes Alone Just Happens, Is

Life and Liberty, God Bless America

The light shines within., going out in connection to the Divine Creator.

 

There are moments when you look at life, your life and certain things stare you in the face.  They leap out at you, like it or not.

You see all the times you have reached out, especially when as an intuitive, empath you felt a strong connection to others, have done so with arms wide open, sincere heart of friendship offered.  You also see that at the end of it all you stand alone like that lone beacon, that lone distant lighthouse and though it is not the way you would want to practice your artistic craft, life your artistic, creative life etc…, it seems that is what life holds for you.  What do you do when you find that happening, when after having reached out in life over and over again, heart on your sleeve artistically and in friendship you find yourself a lone lighthouse?  You might find a twinge of sadness present, and that’s okay and you might think about putting up lots of walls and never connecting to anyone again, natural to think that, but for an artist, that would mean lots of potential inspiration lost.   What do you do?  You work on projects that are solo acts, you join artistic groups on meet up maybe and work on projects, you work on your own stuff with love and gusto, you yourself open to connecting to really good people, great people, even if when you  reach out, seek to build a friendship and collaborative creative awesome all you find is empty space at the other end or lots of rhetoric and no action.  You just keep working on your craft and don’t put a whole lot of expectations into other people ahead of time, or when you reach out.

Some might wonder if I regret that I wear my heart on my sleeves, that I reach out? I have to say my feelings are mixed and the answer is yes and no.  I find it natural that if I make a connection on a creative level or a psychic consciousness level I would reach out and build on that immediately, seek to know that person better, seek to bring them into my day to day activity socially etc…  I don’t regret that I have that viewpoint, don’t regret that.  I suppose what I regret is the disappointment of the other person not seeing the potential I see for the connection and for it not being mutually pursued, nurtured etc..  My regret is that the other person doesn’t see the enormous potential, which is where the frustration and sadness comes for me.  I realize that all I can do is be me, and being me means being a spitfire, a ball of fire, tenacious and passionate about my artistic works and ideas etc.., about wanting to nurture connections I feel have great potential.  Though the past few days I have to say I am starting to think that perhaps I should not be so tenacious and that I should leave things be, let go and accept being that lone lighthouse on the hill and focus on shinning my light as brightly as I can to the world, that lone star in the dark of night, that lone lighthouse on the hill.  Not the way I would like it to be, but you can only reach out so much and so many times in life before you get tired of reaching out.  I may have reached that very point, that point of tired of reaching out as an artist, in friendship and nothing reaching back, just empty space.

Shalom

Why Not Create etc… Alone?

Twin Flame Connections Are Haunting and Amazing

Being an artist and an intuitive, empath, having also connection to that realm, other dimension means that is a great source, a main source.  What does that have to do with being an artist? A lot.

My inspiration for my songs, my poems etc.. comes from that, from these intuitive, empath, psychic consciousness connection moments.  These gifts to connect even when people are not in the same room with me, are not directly in my life, to connect to that realm of people’s psychic consciousness, even collectively is part of my identity as much as is being Italian-American I am realizing.  As much as people can be a pain, drive you up a wall and collaborative efforts are not always smooth, they are important. Also in a collaborative setting, if you can not be overly sensitive and can take it, as well as dish it out, you learn a lot about yourself, people, interaction with people.  You grow hopefully as a person on many levels also because they can see stuff in your work you can’t, including what can be improved upon.  They can also bring you down to reality and earth with your goals and plans if they are too far out there, as much as you might not like it when they do.  Maybe that is also why I have always prayed that if and when I did marry it would be with someone who could also be my artistic partner in life.   I guess I always really envisioned a life partnership in that realm where we would really be a dynamic duo as artists, set the world ablaze without our combined talent.  We would even nurture talent in some way, provide a venue for talent to flourish as a team.  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes yeah as an artist you need to have that alone time to work on something specific, flush it out, but I believe that for me anyway the dynamics of working with other energies etc… as long as it was not negative destructive energies would be very important in my journey and trajectory as a an artist, and as a person.  The ego has to be kept in check, which is where the faith life comes in, and can keep one grounded and humbled when you don’t get holier than thou, then you become a holier than thou jerk.   As long as everyone can keep their ego in check, make it a team effort and also respect the individual gifts etc.. of each one then a lot of great stuff can be accomplished and there also has to be empathy that sometimes people are going through stuff and the art might suffer a bit, just for a moment.  It is a very interesting journey to make, and I hope to make it with success, accompanied by some wonderful and talented people the Lord has placed in my path. I really do think working with others as an artist is what I need to do for long term growth and success. 

Amen