mourning us

Another fibromyalgia crash day and I am learning to spot them coming a mile away, though doesn’t mean I can necessarily stop them.  Not having the space to fully engage in the arts on a daily basis, write, compose etc.., to be a full time artist, true calling, doesn’t help.

It is like being in a combat zone of sorts, not to in any way try to compare to a war zone, but you are dealing with issues that are chronic day in and day out, a range of issues because it is a syndrome.  You are having to deal with all this plus if you have others you are having to also care for, are in any way concerned about such as an elderly relative, adds to the stress.  If you have all this creativity you are bursting to get out, but now way to really fully express it, no steady, constant venue to do so, it just really creates a steady stream of stress.  Stress is a major trigger for Fibro and when that stress etc.. builds you can sense the negative feelings, pain, joint pain, osteocondritis hit you, sleep issues hit you.  Then the crash comes, the total fatigue meltdown and you have to sleep it off.  You feel like hell that whole day, not fun, not in the least.  Each day is one you have to stay on top of and be positive to the best of your abilities, push forward as best you can.  It would help if I did have a space, nice warm space to do all my creative work in 24/7, to be able to just write, sing, record etc.. with no distraction, just me and the Holy Trinity giving me the words, the music, maybe a great cohort or two as well.  Right now I have to figure out how to deal with the cards I have, the deck I have and also how to change it so I can have that space to be a full time artist and delegate what I know I need to delegate, still caring.  I have to meditate and pray on it and have faith it will come to pass very soon.

Fibromyalgia is a constant companion and I could set up a foundation, something like that, after all seems like everyone is setting up something, but honestly I get calls from charities, and stuff in the mail constantly and it annoys me beyond measure.  There are way too many charities, too many so called Non Profits, we actually need way fewer, not more, and much better managed with most of the funds going into charity and research.  I would rather find a national or global organization very efficient dedicated to Fibromyalgia assistance to those dealing with this, on many levels, fundraise for them, than try to stick society with another organization, add more people asking for more money for another cause.