Life is a journey of discovery and as I have watched myself go from someone who had joy, who was pouring out songs and poems nearly every day, to someone who is now always exhausted, drained, not in a state of wellness and joy, What gives?
I have to ask when did this change, and it changed when I began getting more and more involved with the Catholic parish I am involved with now. When I was going to temple, though they are a more liberal slant than I am, quite a bit more, I had more joy, and when I sang throughout the service on Friday evenings I had great joy. I still had a sense of Jesus as Messiah, personal Messiah, personal teacher, and savior, and could still have a Christ consciousness. What does this mean? What of my identity? What does this mean for my identity as an Italian-American? Does this mean for my identity in general? I guess it means that my appreciation of Catholicism is tied into really strictly my culture and a cultural identity, appreciation, connection. However, my spiritual identity is more along the lines of Jewish with a Christ Consciousness if you will. That is tricky when one has a devoutly Catholic mom and family. It is tricky to navigate, to live out in your day to day life. I have to figure this out, but there are some really great people in my Hadassah group, at temple where I have been missed and will be returning that can help me navigate this I am sure. It would be easier if I had my own place, space to live this out, but until I do, I can only do the best I can in this journey, this spiritual journey. I can correlate when I started to crash and feel drained, exhausted every day all day, and it was when I got more involved with that particular church, so something about the energies, frequencies, vibrations there, and it not being authentic to me spiritually are clashing with me, creating dis-ease internally on different levels. I have to unplug from that, have to move away from that and see what happens, if my health changes, if it does, well then I will know that my spiritual identity is Jewish with a Christ Consciousness and Conservative Worldview. It may not go over well with some, my taking time out, but at the same time, I know I have to do what is right and what is right for me. I wish I could have been in synch with that particular place and faith path as my spiritual identity and that what the understanding I had for what would have brought the organization to thrive would have been understood and brought to fruition for good of the it. It is what it is and when you are a long range Pie and Slices person, a person who lives and acts mainly according to the dictates of the Spirit and promptings of the Holy Spirit, you have to find a home that allows for that, someplace that allows for full initiative, full creative expression. You have to find a place that will be in line with your true self and your well being.