In my previous post I discussed my health having taken a nosedive int he past months, drastically so after having stopped going to synagogue and having gotten more involved with the church and faith of my family and childhood, Catholic church, and after having ceased my metaphysical meditations. Strange huh? Well, yes and no.
A dream I had this morning might have clarified it. I had a dream and was told I am passionately philosophical, spiritual, a teacher, life coach with an artistic streak, but am not and will not ever be religious, not in my nature, going contrary to that is not healthy. I am inclined to ponder on that. Should that be the case, my values and worldview remain firmly Conservative!!! If I am to look back at synagogue what I love was the artistic aspect to it, the fact that we sang through the whole service and it would bring me to tears and that we sang in the language of Jesus and the Apostles, of those times. Then afterwards, the gathering for further prayers and meal, for that sense of community, then for those who wished to study together or to gather for private further prayer, could do so. Your Sabbath was so full, so beautiful. Their political views in the majority, liberal, but their welcoming so warm, their acceptance of me so beautiful, and the other thing that was beautiful was how the Rabbi welcomed projects etc.., bold innovative attempts to help the community, to move the church and interfaith communications forward. It was a place of true spirituality and community. What I am realizing is that it was not so much the religion aspect per se, as I really don’t fit into any specific religious mold. I believe in God, a creator and that Jesus did give his life for us, of his own free will, that he had a special anointing, so I do accept him as Christ, as one with a special anointing and role in faith tradition and history. What I found at the synagogue was community, true collaboration, cooperation and a well organized institution. The only component for me that I would have to love outside of there for would be the artistic expression, as a performing artist. I loved all of that, but I am not big on elaborate ritual and the idea of learning a whole bunch of new prayers and rituals really weigh me down. I have to figure out how to honor my heritage, my love of the Jewish roots of my heritage, and still honor who I am as the dream rightly pointed out, and who I am not, which is a religious person. I have to find a home where I can do so or create one and for others along those same lines.