Why oh Why We Ask Ourselves. Oy!

Published by kappello on

Free To Choose

As a nation, in governance, in who we elect, in our own day to day life we make choices, and we want the free will and freedom to choose, to decide. That’s awesome, great unless you make as we do in life dumbass choices.  Life is all about the series of choices we make, good, bad, ugly and yes our early years can influence that, as can other factors, but does that mean we have no choice in how we decide etc..?  Hmmm

My childhood was one of pain and sadness, torn between mom and dad, lots of junk that left my world turned upside down and left me feeling on very shaky ground, and then later on in life came the fibromyalgia, again turned it all upside down.  As I have said fears etc… from that influenced my life, the childhood stuff did have an impact but as I am 51 now and reflective of my life, I realize something.  I did have a choice, the choice to find a way, constructively to release all that baggage very early on and discover my greatest gifts, talents and map out a solid plan to move forward, seek out mentors to help me with that and push through the fears etc…I was a snowflake plain and simple, and impulsive of ten times, so life went in circles for most of it.  It was only when the fibromyalgia hit and hit hard that I was really pushed to examine my life, choices made, and realised we can easily fall into a trap and use the past as an excuse to justify lousy choices and decisions, even ancestral history.  With the Fibromyalgia I could have been a whiner, whining and decided I was a victim and how could God do this etc…all that crap, but I didn’t.  I chose after I got over the initial stages of denial and all that to pursue what I should have done in the first place in my life arts and ministry, tough love ministry, no sugar coating and if it went over well fine and if not, not.  Even my mom, love her, but I have given her some tough love when she has beomoned how destiny messed up her life, and destiny is why she married my dad (lousy idea, nice guy, but not for her at all) and all that.  I have given her some tough love and told her to not whine about it, nothing to do with destiny or God, she had opportunities, good ones in Italy to marry, but didn’t then at 40 something decided she should marry and get out the small town she was in, and without really knowing my dad well at all, to marry the guy.  I have pointed out in no uncertain terms that I love her, but anything that is her life now is down to her choices.  The same goes for me.  Yes choice is great, but choices, decision, even those to give into anger etc.. have consequences and we often love the notion of choice, but then get all pissed off if we have to face the consequences.  Getting pissed of at God, Life, Others is not going to help one bit, though neither is continuously beating yourself up.  Recognize that choice, decision, and reaction, even to when you are done wrong to, has consequence and you are going to have to or need to own up to it and suck it up.  It is fun, no, often it’s not, but whining and complaining, blaming, wanting revenge is not helpful and rather dumb.  I spoke in a previous post about righteous anger versus destructive anger, and it’s important to know the difference, and it’s also important not to make life about your being a victim, and those around you being victims, seeing victimization everywhere you turn because that will create perhaps not so pleasant consequences.  Choice, decision equals consequence and one of the problems with our society having created all these snowflakes is they don’t get this, so they will blame guns, blame everything under the sun, but won’t engage in any serious discourse of opposing ideas (doesn’t mean you force anyone to think your way or you have to change your way of seeing things), and see themselves and others as victims of something or everything, so we have a society that refuses to accept the chain of choice, decision, consequence as necessary for constructive, actual constructive action as regards their own life and society, they want others to fix everything, mainly government. Yikes!.  That is truly tragic.  We should not be afraid to make choices and decision, so long as they are not being driven by the past, by past baggage and that alone.  The past can inform us, so if you had certain experiences under certain circumstances, you know to avoid those in future, one would hope so anyway that the lesson had been learned.  The past and having a constant victim mentality is not going to lead to wise choices, decisions nor positive results.  Yes life will throw stuff at you, but it is the choices, decision made at that time and after that can determine the trajectory of the future.   One thing you should not be is a constantly whining snowflake blaming everything and everyone for the choices you made and the consequences.  Sometimes life puts in in situations where we have to make tough in the moment decisions, but we need to get centered, focused and make the decision that is constructive and not as a victim, but as one who has the ability to think, and choose, the ability to choose wisely if we do not choose, decide strictly based on past baggage.

Shalom and Amen


kappello

Born in New Jersey, August 1965, this Italian-American has always had a great interest in music, particularly the Oldies, Country and Ethnic music, including Irish. For over 10 years Ms. Appello passionately taught ESL to students of varying ages. Grounded if her faith and spirituality, Katherine endured a range of issues, including a great deal of pain, which was finally diagnosed to be associated with Fibromyalgia. The essence and the power of music, of words, allow Katherine to overcome these struggles each and every time. We are all blessed to have Katherine’s strength, wisdom, and words to write “Pray For Me Tonight’