Have To Let It…
No one likes pain and as someone who deals with fibromyalgia every day, pain on some level every day, it’s not fun. Childhood lots of pain there, dad leaving when I was a kid, lots of baggage there, my relationship with my mom, complicated, lots of love, BFFs but also lots of tension because we clash and since she always had limited English skills depended a lot on me because of that, I have always lived with her. Relationships, not a lot of good stuff there either to remember, some moments here and there, though that really is down to my own not so wise choices.
Pain is something we don’t like, and emotional pain, spiritual pain, even less, so the tendency might be to numb it, run from it, but that never resolved, never leads to growing, understanding, discerning etc.. When emotional etc.. pain is there, even some levels of physical pain, not talking major levels, but small scale, rather than run to numb it right away, what if we let ourselves hurt, let ourselves engage with the pain through meditation, prayer, as we listened to specific meditation music or sacred music? What if we engaged to understand where the pain was coming from, really coming from? Is the pain really about the fact that a person is no longer in your life, that they are not “loving you” the way you want them to love, want you etc..? Is that really it, maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t? Is it really that you didn’t get the job, promotion etc…, maybe, possibly? Maybe if you have this constant pain and aching within, it’s not about that, but about baggage you never faced, came to terms with. Maybe we never let ourselves hurt, bleed and let go. It’s not comfortable to do. It’s not a comfortable journey, looking deep into our heart, spirit and soul. If we feel resentful about stuff we have to do for another, for anything in our life that is ongoing, why is that? For some it might be that anger with self at lost opportunities, opportunities not taken, for others it might be something different. The letting go part is crucial, looking deep and discerning is crucial, even with physical pain, so for example if we are constantly putting yourself in situations where we are ending up hurt, peril, why is that, something might be going on if we are constantly breaking something, spraining something etc…one too many close calls. If we refuse to see the doctor when others are saying we really need to go because we look like hell and we know we feel like hell, but are ignoring signs that something is not right. We may find all kinds of excuses, too busy, whatever. What is really going on, really? We might be having a busy season at work, but no time to schedule a doctor’s appointment, really? Don’t think so. Now there are centers, places open Saturday, so no excuses. Appointments can even be made online. Even when we get news in life that is not so great, hurt, bleed, find a room, place where you can cry, scream, punch some pillows, write a letter to God about how pissed off you are, get it out, fine, bleed, then figure out constructively how to move forward, move on. If there is baggage from the past, where you feel the not good enough etc..self talking or that of others kicking in you write to self, “Dear Negative Self, shut the hell up with all this negative crap, no one is buying what you are selling. I know as a child of the Most High Creator of this Amazing Universe what you are saying is bull. Yes I make mistakes, but I am willing to learn from them, so take that and stuff it” Read it over and over, envision all that negative self talk, and all negative behaviors, patterns, we all have them, hence sin, missing the mark, being incinerated.
Hurt, bleed, move forward, move on!