Opening The Door, Scary Stuff

No Matter What Pain.jpg

Meeting online is something that is happening more and more often, and it seems on Instagram after I post a photo or video I make one heck of an impression on some gentlemen and I get followers, some have directly reached out.  It has been interesting.

One in particular I have from the get go felt comfortable with, we started sharing photos, but nothing suggestive, not at all.  These photos are photos you would exchange with a BFF, that you would not have  problem with your grandma or grandpa seeing.  The conversation has been very respectful, he has been open about himself, his mom having gone into almost PTSD state after his dad died  A friendship is building.  One other who reached out, also the communication, photos, respectful, but he is more bull in china shop Leo in his approach, the other gentlemen is also a Leo , but not bull in a china shop approach, is really trying to build the friendship first.  I have made some not so wise decisions in the past relationship wise, and it hurt me big time.  I have had a tendency to sabotage as soon as anyone started to show any serious interest.  With this individual, perhaps because of his openness and his approach, though the prospect of opening up my heart, spirit and soul to another again is on some level scary, I find I am moving ahead with total calm.  I am not thinking about any baggage from the past, and that he wont want to be part of my life because I haven’t lived a perfect life, and I am not feeling like I want to run, so something has shifted.  Perhaps it is the meditation and I guess now I will add self hypnosis to the journey.  I have been meditating on attracting my true soulmate, one whom I could really have flow with, that I would be able to open up to and who would feel the same about me.  I have envisioned a life of synergy, and as I envision, meditate on it, ask questions, refine it further, connect further to the scared, divine source of all creation, it gets more peaceful, gets clearer.  That is a beautiful thing.

It is a time of transition time for me.  I look forward to seeing where the journey will take me.  I welcome it.

Amen

Categories: journal, ReflectionTags: , ,
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