Another birthday comes knocking today and I look at where I am, where I wish I were., what brings me joy, and there is a certain sadness, even as there is gratitude.
I am grateful that the Lord has given me this spirit to keep moving, but I am tired. I am tired of not having the space to make music and poetry 24/7, the path to minister as I feel the calling, open up to me through music and teaching biblical truth and I am tired from the Fibromyalgia. This birthday I have no wish to pretend everything is fine, and I am fine. This birthday, I am being honest even with myself, the path I truly wish for is to be a minister of scriptural truth and to do so also in music, the artistic, to earn my daily bread in that way and to complete the project of the Wellness Wheel in the way the Lord has given me has not been given, that prayer has not been answered, not yet and so as much as I am grateful, I am also sad. Ideally, my prayer answered would be having people who believed in me, invest in me, in my re-recording all my work, studio quality, to sell on bandcamp and that includes meditations. It would also mean ministry to administer biblical truth, not what people wanted biblical truth to be, but what it is. If they then chose to embrace it or not their choice. Will these prayers be answered, I hope finally they will be.