Healthy Boundaries I and II
Appropriate trust and one step at a time to intimacy sound like a good plan, and I say this from experience of not having understood this sooner and had heartache as a result. My dad walked out when I was about 7 and when I would go visit it was all about making me think mom was the bad one, then during the week with mom, I’d be told how they were the bad guys. My cousins on dad’s side when I would go visit dad on the weekends he was supposed to have me, were not always kind to me. One of the things that happened to me was that I didn’t always understand the importance of step by step intimacy. I made some not so great choices in terms of relationships and all that, even in how I approached relationships. What would I look for now in terms of an intimate relationship? How would I go about it?
I realize that for me to have a sold life partner relationship, I need to be authentically myself, but I also have to understand that a relationship really is a journey, a journey of friendship, getting to know people on different levels, and then take things to an intimate level. I need to set boundaries for myself, to understand that my dad walking out on me does not determine my self worth or anything like that. Others often will act with respect for us, based on how we act for respect to ourselves, so if we immediately start sharing everything about our lives and start seeking intimacy right away without trying to know the person, what is that saying about respect for self, for boundaries? Not much. I am realizing that with friendship, with romantic relationships it’s really a matter of respect for everyone to engage people in a process and build a relationship. I hope that as I start to meet new people, as I go to the community center and engage in some light yoga, and work on wellness and spiritual growth that I will remember that relationships are a journey, a process, based on building blocks and you shouldn’t rush through or bulldoze through with intimacy and all that.
Namaste, Shalom, and Amen