Published by kappello on

In any partnership, cooperation is key because without cooperation whether it’s a business or personal one, well it’s not going very far.  When we are going to the area of cooperation one thing to consider is are you automatically expecting a million different things from that person, expecting them to cater to every whim, every impulse etc.. you have, or are you asking them to do something, and what is your motivation?  Think about it if you are constantly expecting your every whim etc… to be catered to, for the other person to read your mind 24/7 etc…, never ask, just assume and expect, what does that say about whether you value them or not or if they are doing it whether they value you or not?  It may not even be conscious, human beings can fall into this pattern of taking the other for granted, so nothing is ever asked, everything is expected and assumed as if the other person has nothing else going on.  That’s pretty arrogant to assume.  Rather than just automatically assuming, expecting and all that, how about asking, taking into consideration that people have lives, might want to have lives outside that little world of that relationship, and honor that?  Acceptance is a bit of a complex one.  If you are a total extrovert and you married a real introvert, to then get upset that he is that way or try to totally make him or her over to be extrovert is assinine and cruel.  That’s not to say you can’t draw that person out of their shell to some extent, but if you can’t accept that they are introvert by nature, then why did you enter into a  commitment of any kind with them?  There are certain things that are part of one’s nature, so it’s important to get passed starry eyed and discern who the person in front of you is early on because if you can’t accept each other, barring of course major stuff like addiction and things that would put you in danger or down a rabbit hole like WAY too possessive or too controlling, then you have no business being in partnership.  No one is perfect and we can always help someone one be a better version of themselves, bring out their best qualities, which is great, but totally change them, NO! Move on!  In today’s society, it seems Compromise is a dirty word, seems that we are so entrenched in our view etc.., having to be right in our ideology that there is no room for compromise, discussion, anything, ell do any partnership that is the kiss of death.  A big part of conflict resolution is finding a compromise both sides can live with.  If I am a homebody, but my partner loves to go out, one compromise might be when we go out twice a week we don’t go too far from home when he goes out with is buddies once or twice a week, go wherever.  I love the city, he is more of suburb guy, well compromise would look like an area that is a suburb, but no more than an hour by Metronorth from the city.  Hot button issues, like abortion, I am pro life, he is not let’s say, well he goes to his rallies I go to mine, if we discuss, we have a no name calling, facts and just the fact rule. We agree to disagree with respect.  Conflict resolution needs negotiation to reach that compromise.  

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201510/compromise-made-simple-7-handy-tips-couples

Hope this enlightens and empowers you.  Amen!


kappello

Born in New Jersey, August 1965, this Italian-American has always had a great interest in music, particularly the Oldies, Country and Ethnic music, including Irish. For over 10 years Ms. Appello passionately taught ESL to students of varying ages. Grounded if her faith and spirituality, Katherine endured a range of issues, including a great deal of pain, which was finally diagnosed to be associated with Fibromyalgia. The essence and the power of music, of words, allow Katherine to overcome these struggles each and every time. We are all blessed to have Katherine’s strength, wisdom, and words to write “Pray For Me Tonight’