Healthy Relationships – Support

Published by kappello on

Relationships are like puzzles, these are some pieces of the puzzle, the final piece we will cover today being support.  In life we always have choices to make big and small, and some of those choices are not always easy for the other person to understand, may not always make sense, like someone suddenly at a certain point in life pursuing their artistic side doing comedy clubs twice a month.    There may be medical decisions they make that may not make sense to others either, but if we expect our choices to be honored in a marriage, in a friendship, parent – older child relationship.  Unless these decisions  affect us, our own lives, even when they do and we have had constructive discussions about them, we still have to support that choice made by that person, even if we don’t agree.  If we are entwined in the consequences, in the decision and consequence/s well then we have to adapt as best we can.  Buddhism teaches that we may have pain, but we choose whether we suffer, and it is true.  The suffering part of any circumstance is choice, our choice based on whether we are resilient enough to adapt, our flexibility. Good and bad days, everyone has them, grieving, we all have times of grieving and for someone like me with Fibromyalgia the grieving can be for self at times.  Frustration for times lost, for lost dreams also can happen in life, and in all these things understanding is necessary.  One of the things needed with the support thing is patience, at times lots of it.  One of the things that also matter is encouragement of gifts and talents, pursuing dreams, even if a bit later in life.  Often this all means active and constructive listening, not ready to ahead of time to judge the ideas etc.. as bad or anything, but really listen, paraphrase, helping them clarify what they want to communicate even more clearly, judging the merit of substance of the idea, maybe helping them find three or four options to look at, maybe one or two that are even more constructive and healthy for all, even themselves that they had not considered.  Valuing options and helping others value options is part of supporting a relationship because we often don’t ourselves value options, we get fixated on something and it has to be that way, no other way.

This article I found offers some great tips  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-disaster-strikes-inside-disaster-psychology/201812/building-supportive-relationships

I hope this inspires and empowers you.


kappello

Born in New Jersey, August 1965, this Italian-American has always had a great interest in music, particularly the Oldies, Country and Ethnic music, including Irish. For over 10 years Ms. Appello passionately taught ESL to students of varying ages. Grounded if her faith and spirituality, Katherine endured a range of issues, including a great deal of pain, which was finally diagnosed to be associated with Fibromyalgia. The essence and the power of music, of words, allow Katherine to overcome these struggles each and every time. We are all blessed to have Katherine’s strength, wisdom, and words to write “Pray For Me Tonight’