I Am Not…

Published by kappello on

Yesterday the I got to the doctor’s office I was feeling sunny, broke out in a cold sweat, had the beginnings of a Vasovagal episode and when I got home I ate a bit, and still felt off, so check my sugar, it was low, considering I had had an apple turnover, and then even had an Ice Coffee with Hazelnut creamer, and a snack on my way back.  My BP was also low and stuff I wanted to get done, I didn’t have the focus etc.. to do some recording and other stuff I wanted to do.  

My first thought in all this happening was  to go through a powerpoint presentation in my head of my life, where I had screwed up, the Fibromyalgia restrictions all of that.  I felt for a few moments weighed down, old, tired etc.. Then when I got home after having a bit of food checking my sugar and all that jazz, I went to look for something and found a drawing my neighbors daughter did for me and one she did for mom.  She and her mom are wonderful, great people.  I realized that I am not the fibromyalgia.  Yes, I have had to make changes, and I can’t do what I did before this shadow attached itself to me with a vengeance, but that’s okay.  Yes, some people, even in my family, have made comments that were not at all empathizing with the Fibro, just the opposite.  I went to my site where I have my music and poetry, and saw all the great feedback of how may material is postiviely impacting people and it made me realize that I am surrounded by those who appreciate me etc.., some of my friends are even giving to my Gofundme campaign.  I have family abroad that I know love me and I care for them a great deal.  When I saw this poem, I thought of all this, of how I went in circles chasing after things of the world, not focusing on my path of ministry and artist.  I can still do both, but because of the Fibromyalgia not to extent I would have done when I was younger than my 50’s, with Sunday, my birthday being one where I am at peace, in faith etc.. and it helps a lot that being in faith.  I have to keep reminding myself I am not my age, or what I wear or any of that, nor is the sum total of me my syndrome.  That’s not always easy to remember, but I do my best to do so. That is what keeps this fibromyalgia girls out of any depression.  

Namaste, Shalom and Amen

 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/transformative-Coaching-Arts-Production?fbclid=IwAR3PkfCOoY77vfd6Hlu7fnc3Eh19pYPk5q4gW39rXO9I0wJanezNMU3tdfg

https://www.numberonemusic.com/katherineappello


kappello

Born in New Jersey, August 1965, this Italian-American has always had a great interest in music, particularly the Oldies, Country and Ethnic music, including Irish. For over 10 years Ms. Appello passionately taught ESL to students of varying ages. Grounded if her faith and spirituality, Katherine endured a range of issues, including a great deal of pain, which was finally diagnosed to be associated with Fibromyalgia. The essence and the power of music, of words, allow Katherine to overcome these struggles each and every time. We are all blessed to have Katherine’s strength, wisdom, and words to write “Pray For Me Tonight’