For the longest time I had been starting my day with unforgiveness towards myself for errors in judgement and allowing fear and childhood baggage having kept me from pursing my true path as an arts minister. I didn’t really see each day as a new day to start my life, to get on the right path. It paralyzed me in many ways. It took a toll on my health, on my ability to make decisions, to trust myself to make right decisions. There is nothing wrong with some periodic reflection and meditation to see where you need to do things differently, what didn’t work and why, but to start each day with a whole bunch of baggage on one’s shoulders will lead to nothing good, it will hurt the one carrying the load, the baggage and perhaps even those around you. When I realized that, truly through faith realized that, was able to start each day with gratitude, love for who God made me to be, what He had done for me, the strength He had given me to navigate the muddy waters, it changed, things changed. Internally I found peace, total peace, which one can initially confuse with sadness, but it is not. I have moments of nostalgia for certain people, relationships that had a huge impact on my life, but no matter what the memory that surfaces I have total peace, and that is a catalyst.
Once I had the peace, faith strong then I had a clear mind, focus and with this focus was able to really let go of any preconceived plans I had, rigid had to be my way plans that I had. Once I did that and basically asked that I have clarity on what path to take with my gifts, talents, and to use them not only to earn my daily bread, but also impact the world for Biblical Truth and Objective Moral Truths, a weight started to life off me. Now I have an opportunity to move life forward as an artiste and with a bit more time hopefully in artistic ministry as well. For this to happen, I have to forgive myself fully and I have to forgive in general, to let go and work with God, with the Holy Trinity, ask for the Gifts of the Spirit and to use them wisely. I am on the path to fully doing so, but it is not easy because the human tendency is wanting to be in control all the time. I am getting there one step at a time. I am navigating the Fibromyalgia pain etc.. with peace, calm and that is important, the state of mind is as important as the physical state of things. Peace is a most precious gift the Creator can give us, but we must first allow it to be given, and I am allowing myself to receive it.
Namaste, Shalom and Amen