Sadness, Peace, Resignation

Published by kappello on

There is a sadness that never really leaves me, it’s always there, and I have been trying to figure out what that sadness is, what it’s about.  When I saw this quote, I realized, the sadness is about being tired of being tired, of the Fibromyalgia crashes etc.., tired of regret for past screw-ups, relationships that I wish had been handled differently etc..I’m tired of seeing my 90 something mom so fed up with life, with so many pills, the different health issues she is dealing with.  I am grateful for the record deal I have now with Bentley Records, other good stuff coming my way.  Yet, I am still finding myself sad, this residual sadness that I can’t shake.  There is this feeling of loss, of lack of community, especially with the past year having been one where I have had a number of procedures, including a partial hysterectomy. The fibromyalgia is part of it, but it’s not just that.

I am realizing now that what I feel sad about is the years of dysautonomia and trying to find my way home faith and vocation wise having meant I never really became part of a community and now I am drawn to both the  OrthodoxJewish and also the Catholic community, Orthodox Catholic, none of this progressive wing destruction fo the church sector.  I guess  the Catholic, in terms of the Sunday Service is close to the Jewish Service, Conservative and so I feel it honors on some level its’ Jewish roots.  I am hoping God can answer one prayer, which I think would shift things, have a space all my own where at any time of the day or night I can create, write, record.  I am also praying He leads me to the community I can vigorously, joyfully call home for the rest of my life. 

 

Namaste, Shalom and Amen


kappello

Born in New Jersey, August 1965, this Italian-American has always had a great interest in music, particularly the Oldies, Country and Ethnic music, including Irish. For over 10 years Ms. Appello passionately taught ESL to students of varying ages. Grounded if her faith and spirituality, Katherine endured a range of issues, including a great deal of pain, which was finally diagnosed to be associated with Fibromyalgia. The essence and the power of music, of words, allow Katherine to overcome these struggles each and every time. We are all blessed to have Katherine’s strength, wisdom, and words to write “Pray For Me Tonight’