Last Night was not fun, my blood pressure went to 157/100 and I wanted to throw up. my head hurt, chest hurt, I was shaking, slight twinge along my left arm. It was not fun and a bit scary. Yet I was not in a panic and my thoughts were not dark or panicked ones.
What was I thinking you might ask, and well even if you don’t, I’m gonna tell ya. I was thinking about what I was going to record next, how happy I was that in three months my debt would be paid off, the larger one, was thanking God for my life, planning what I would be recording next and telling Satan no way he was winning, no matter what we and the Lord would kick his sorry tukkus. I was smiling, and my mom was scared, had this scared look and then this look of utter confusion because she couldn’t understand why I was smiling. I was holding my head and my chest, clearly in discomfort, but I was smiling. I took my heart med, the extra dose as needed and then things calmed down and I told her all that was going through my mind. I then looked over to the table and there was a plant with flowers our neighbor had given us and she had told us that even if the flowers die the plant will continue to last as long as mom waters it regularly. I smiled again, a big grin and realized that was me. The flower, my body may have moments of death, of pain etc.., but my heart, spirit, soul, they belong to God, so no matter how much Lucifer tries to mess with my body, my finances, has influenced my impulsive tendencies that led me to not such a great financial place now, I can’t be destroyed, or knocked out for the count. The faith is too strong, the will to kick dark side tukkus and overcome sin stronghold is too strong, that connection to the faith, not religion, but the faith in holistic biblical spiritual truth is too strong at this point in my life. Like that plant, some of the flowers may wither and all that, but the plant is resilient overall and it wont allow hell or high water to destroy it. I am too stubborn for that, thank God. That stubborn streak has gotten me into trouble, but it also has served me well on some levels. I have had to learn to curb in a bit and know when to bend, when to be more flexible, and I am still learning to discern that. One thing I do know is never compromise on the truth of my faith and Biblical truth, biblical moral truth, ethics and integrity as put forth by scriptures with clear lines and boundaries drawn, including for nations and governance.
As I move forward hopefully soon with artistic representation, God willing, I hope that I will continue to be that plant that though some of the flowers may wilt at times etc.., the plant itself stays firm and strong, faith, hope, gifts, talents nurtured.