Nostalgia, Pining away for what might have been, what we could have, should have done differently with the past is natural for us humans. It is not very productive, nor is living in the past. Do we totally pretend none of it ever was? Not exactly because it was. What do we do, or how do we view it?
I have concluded I am going to view it as follows. I am going to view it as a journey made, that is to my back on some distant shore. It is a journey cherished for all its’ ups, downs etc…, which taught me much I hope, whose lessons about life, love, and myself I learned well. Lessons that I hope I apply wisely to the present and the future. I have concluded to view it as a gift of insight, which can periodically be visited as a movie that is viewed to recall the lessons from which greater maturity, wisdom, etc… have sprung. These lessons, this personal, creative growth I hope makes me a more authentic to self person and artist, who will wear her heart on her sleeve, what she feels and thinks, with focus, with purpose, full understanding of what she feels etc… and that it truly is authentic to self.
In relationship, this time around I am giving the person I feel there is good chemistry etc… with, creatively and beyond, space to come forward in their time, once they have crossed all the t’s, dotted all the i’s in their lives, hoping it is soon. I am understanding that they are not directly as I am, not their personality, and I have to flow with that, while encouraging them forward. I have to have that balance. As an artist, I am not forcing anything, just letting the songs etc… come as they come, recording as the mood takes me etc… and will really seek to flow with the flow. I will start with selling my songs, meditations, e-books on subjects I am interested in myself online, then expand to some live performances, and hopefully do collaborative work very soon with certain individuals I have some awesome chemistry going on with, which I believe, hope is quite mutual. I am taking it brick by brick, step by step. The past has been a great teacher, all of it, even the painful parts of it. Would I want to go back in time to it, relive it, my childhood even? No. However, I can appreciate it and all it taught me, childhood on up. That is how I choose to look at that past and my life, even the fibromyalgia, not be angry with it, but appreciate what I have learned from it, with a clear heart, spirit soul etc.. to the future.
Namaste, Shalom and Amen