Why We Hold On, Even When Drowning

Letting Go Never Easy, But Necessary

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We all have dreams and we have such high hopes for them to come true, maybe a childhood dream that we have always had.  Understandable, what nourishes.

Suddenly seems you have that chance, that opportunity to make it all a reality, and you pour heart and soul into it, sweat blood and tears to make it happen, to make it work, yet it doesn’t.  What’s going on and what do you do?  Could be that what you are offering is not what people want, are looking for, need.    Could be that the concept in general is fine, just the content is not what people want or need.  Could be God rejects what you are doing and won’t allow it to move forward for whatever reason.  Could be your motivation is not in line with what God thinks it should be. These are just some of the things that come to mind as to why projects, dreams don’t move forward, don’t bring forth fruit.  Why do we hold on to them even though they are not bearing fruit? Dreams are like our children.  The thought of letting them go, die etc… pains us, is hard to fathom, hard to do, as the song says “breaking up is hard to do” that goes for us and our dreams.  No one wants to walk away from their dream, their dream project that they implemented.  There is also pride, especially when everyone is telling you you’re spinning your wheels.  You don’t want to give in because well, human nature. You don’t want to give them that satisfaction of folding up your tent, paramount to admitting to all the nay sayers that they were accurate in their assessments.  You prefer to keep going even when deep down you might know this is not working, not what people are responding to, want or need.  You might not do anything to move on the things that are going to be embraced, might drag your feet on those. If anyone decided to go right ahead and make all that other stuff happen, not wanting to fiddle faddle, to dawdle, get a move on the things that will work, you might get darn right offended dammit that you are not being supported as you feel you ought to be.  That may not be the case at all, but you might perceive it that way.  Again, dreams are like children and you don’t want to let them go or lose them.  

What do you do with these dreams, these dreams when they come up smack against reality?  Well, you could just ignore reality,  cross your arms, ignore all all input, feel negative about the persons giving the input because they care,  see the writing on the wall as they say, follow only that dream you have, nothing else.  You could do that, to the very end, no matter what the fiscal etc.. consequences.  I myself, been there, done that, not a big fan.  You could adjust the plan to what The Holy Spirit gives you after much meditation and prayer, so it fits God’s will not yours, not easy for us humans to do, pride you see, remember we were tempted by the serpent who said we could be God like to have all knowledge.   You could just accept that the dream needs to be let of and mourn like you would for anything else that you love and you had to release, had to let go of, though it pained you.  Different people will respond differently when faced with reality of the dream not rendering fruit, once implemented.

What of those around them who may not agree with the dream being continued even as it is clearly not rendering fruit? What of those around them who are in any way affected by the financial ramifications, let’s say a musician who is paying the band out of pocket because the gigs for the past year have not produced any revenue though they have heavily invested in promotions etc..? What of his family?  What of friends who care and it hurts them to see him do this and to see all that effort?  What of the band members, those who have heart anyway, how do they feel?  If they have heart, they see no fruit being born of this, and the manager of the band, or if the manager is paying out of pocket for several months, if the band member have a heart, they have to be thinking, no, this is not right.  What do they do? Does the lead singer tell the manager, this can’t go on and risk being seen as the one who burst the manager’s bubble if the manager put the whole band together, launched the dream? If the band members tell the lead singer, will they be seen as the ones who destroyed the dream, burst the bubble, hated?  Will friendships be ruined because the caring won’t be seen, just the bubble bursting?  Tough thing when you have to let go of the dream, and even tougher when you are the one bringing reality home to the dreamer because you risk them potentially hating you for bursting the bubble of this dream.  If you care, and you consider yourself a true friend, then you need to be as honest as you can, with love and kindness, maybe using questions, a parable, like Jesus and those in the Bible did.  If in the end you are thrown out of the kingdom, disliked, at least you know you spoke from the heart.  If you are the dreamer, well only you can decide up to what point you can stay in the dream before it’s time to wake up to reality, even if that reality is not one you like.

This is what the Holy Spirit promoted me to write for my blog today.

Amen

 

Want People Back In Pews, TRADITION!

Holy Ghost

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That’s right darlin, Tradition, just like they that word that we remember from Fiddler on The Roof.  As music coordinator for the local church and one who had made a journey back home to the faith, I have done a lot of research as to what not only millennials are seeking, but in general those who would want to come back to or come to the church, also what they don’t want.  This would also apply to non millennials, the gist of it.

What don’t they want? What they don’t want is the church to be a rock concert, night club, cafe, lounge, opera stage or anything besides a church.  They also don’t want hip and cool man, so if you are looking to become a star and liver out your dreams through the church, they won’t appreciate any of that.  They won’t appreciate it being a way for you to feel good about you, or for you to be some hero, and they will see right through.  Authentic teaching, authentic God, even if it rattles their cage, okay rattle away, but he honest, don’t run, hide, water down, treat them like fragile porcelain, but also don’t be brutal either, judge the sin, but love the sinner.  The articles I have been reading make a similar point, which is that you do not go to church to be entertained to “feel good”, you go to reflect, contemplate, to hear truth, even if uncomfortable.  

What do they want?   They want traditional Mass with traditional song and liturgy, dynamic homily.  As for the arts, they are fine with the creative,  related to scripture, faith formation.   If you are creative and you do it out of true love of teaching scripture and all things of God, teaching that to them, hey by all means. They want the homily, the teachings to be authentic brutal, but authentic, Jesus presented in both his humanity and divinity.  They want a God,  Trinity that is not so pie in the sky they can’t ever relate.  Authentic teaching, authentic God, even if it rattles their cage, okay rattle away.  Be honest, don’t run, hide, water down, treat them like fragile porcelain, but also don’t be brutal either, judge the sin, but love the sinner.  They want the church to be a second home, to guide, point the way, to know that even the apostles, the saints struggled with temptations, with anger, with people opposing their expression of faith, throughout their lives, and that faith is not easy.  One article I was reading pointed this out:  Recent research from Barna Group and the Cornerstone Knowledge Network found that 67 percent of millennials prefer a “classic” church over a “trendy” one, and 77 percent would choose a “sanctuary” over an “auditorium.”.  That says a lot.  In that same article blogger Amy Peterson put it this way: “I want a service that is not sensational, flashy, or particularly ‘relevant.’ I can be entertained anywhere. At church, I do not want to be entertained. I do not want to be the target of anyone’s marketing. I want to be asked to participate in the life of an ancient-future community.”  Again, they want to feel embraced and safe in the church, but they also don’t want to be lied to and not receive authenticity, so finding that balance is crucial.  

Catholicism in particular has such rich traditions and to try and modernize and all that blarney is silly and dumb and no it should not change its’ doctrines of truth on anything in terms of core teachings, but each church must do a much better job of catechesis, formation, apologetics and application of it all to life and community, internally and externally.  Sadly not everyone wants to hear get back to basics, get back to tradition, to catechesis and all that jazz, and so the church pews stay empty, as the secular and all other marvels are tried in order to grow the church instead of getting back to basics.  These articles I found interesting and hope you do to.

https://georgiabulletin.org/news/2017/04/local-parish-leaders-gain-insights-reaching-millennials/

http://www.thecatholictelegraph.com/millennials-at-mass-to-whom-shall-we-go/33000

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/jesus-doesnt-tweet/2015/04/30/fb07ef1a-ed01-11e4-8666-a1d756d0218e_story.html?utm_term=.b2fcdb9b9994

 

 

 

The Parent Traps

Letting Go Never Easy, But Necessary

 

When a parent leaves, walks out or passes away and the child is young you can end up with the “parent trap”.  The trap can happen out of caring or out of the other parent being really pissed of at the situation that took place.

The caring parent trap can be where the parent cares so much about the child having a positive image they make the parent that passed away or left a saint, this all encompassing hero, this larger than life person.  I get that a parent wants their kid to have a positive model and good memories of the other parent, but his can be a real negative.  If you create a saint to rival all saints and heroes in that parent, that child is going to feel their whole life like they have to bend over backwards to live up to being like this larger than life saint or person you and the whole family created.  That does not help at all, not them, not anyone who has to live with them or deal with them on a day to day basis.  Truly loving them means giving them a very human parent flaws and all, not some mythical hero with a heart, spirit, soul larger than life.  My dad was by all accounts a nice guy, maybe too nice for his own good some might say.  I am glad I have  a very human picture of him, very glad, one that is a mix of strengths, but also weaknesses that hurt him in his life.  Still, I prefer the very human dad than if I had some larger than life myth.  Then there is the other side of the coin, the one where the parent is so angry, bitter they do nothing but tear the other parent down, creating a lot of chaos within the child, fear and a whole bunch of insecurity.  They create anger issues in the child and through adulthood, lots of stuff that is projected and as a child, that child has no real way to process or understand.  They develop a very warped and negative image of the male or female gender due to that.  A lot of damage can be done by this other “parent trap” as I call it.  I understand that loss of  partner under less than ideal circumstances can be reason for anger etc.., but that is no reason to bring poison into the life of the children.  Whatever war is going on between the adults need to be worked out strictly between the adults.

When one parent gives the image of the other parent, any mythology, needs to be left in the mythology section of literature either way.  It is not in anyone’s best interest to create a false extreme narrative of a parent to that child positive or negative. Best to keep it as honest as one can, keeping in mind the age range.  If a parent has left and the child is young, just say “mom/dad left, we have a lot of stuff to work out and it’s between us grown ups, but it’s stuff that happens with grown ups and sorry that you get stuck in the middle, but we love you”.  Don’t create monsters.  If the parent passed away, even if they were great people, don’t create a larger than life myth or saint, make them as human as possible, no grandiose anything to strive to live up to, don’t ever burden children or anyone with that.  Not fair to them or those around them.

Amen

 

Supportive Yet Protective, Tricky?

Letting Go Never Easy, But Necessary

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You care, you want to be supportive, but you also feel protective of the person, the entity perhaps you are a member of and those you interact with within the entity.  You want to be supportive, but you may also have a protective side, especially if you are an empath and intuitive etc… by nature who sees with the spirit guided by what the Spirit gives you.

When one of persons there is spinning their wheels to perhaps exhaustion trying to make an idea work that you know is not meant to be, sense they might be stuck in the past even with their personal life, and you sense this very clearly or even see any of this unfold right before your eyes, it’s tricky.  If you simply tear down their dream, then you risk their resenting you for being a downer and all that.  If on the other hand you play pollyanna and all is well, just smile and pretend all is bright and beautiful, you are not being much of a true friend. You are on a scale trying to keep the scale from tipping either where you are too harsh and totally make them feel crushed and like you have no faith in them, which you might, just not in a particular idea or project, or where you present a pollyanna unrealistic this is going to be great, all working out peachy, keep spinning your wheels, no biggie.  Neither will serve anyone well.  What do you do? For one if you are dealing with a professional situation, do your homework, so if you are going to give advice, you are giving it based on solid research and feedback maybe even that others have given on what has been going on.  When you present any advice, even to a friend make it clear you support their dreams, their efforts to achieve a goal, but you are concerned about the spinning of their wheels, how that energy could be focused elsewhere.  Anything regarding a personal nature, not moving on, returning to the past, maybe find a song that talks about leaving the past in the past and why it should stay there if they are artistically inclined. Letting them know you understand nostalgia can be powerful, but there is a reason people are not part of our lives, why we are apart, not truly connected anymore to others, best to move forward, not back, especially if that connection etc.. was toxic in any way.

We might know in our heart, spirit and soul that what the Holy Spirit has given us is what ought to be, a vision after God’s own heart that should be implemented, but others may not see that same vision, and may be spinning their wheels, banging their heads against the wall doing stuff that is not workable and not part of God’s great commission or even remotely part of his plan for the group, the person, the organization, but if we are going to get that vision across we can’t do it with the scale out of balance in either direction.  Meditate, research, meditate on Scripture, and mediate some more.  You will know how to approach things, even if not everyone will appreciate your efforts to do things right, the heavens will.   Hope this helps in your journey through life and relationships.

Amen

Sometimes, A Sigh and Hope They See

Holy Ghost

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There are times when you can see things very clearly, when the Holy Spirit has given you a clear vision and you are ready to forge ahead. Ahhh but…

You wake up and have a solid vision let’s say in regards to your vocation, to the path to take in that regards and you are well under way and you see in front of you ship ready to sink and the other person also knows the ship is sinking and they need to reverse, chart a new course, but like many of us don’t want to give up on their “child”, their idea, no matter what.  You hate to see them going in circles, bang their head against a wall and you have given all the input you can, so what do you do?  You may have to step back, just step back do you thing, work on what you need to work on, pray and meditate the Holy Spirit will come upon them with the same vision you were given or a complimentary one.  All you can do sometimes because anything else will lead to you banging your head against the wall.  You have to know when that point is to step back, really listen to your spirit, inner self connected to the divine realm.

Another scenario, one wakes up and realizes their soulmate is front of them, and as an intuitive you know they have realized it, so why is there not a moving forward more specifically, an integration socially etc…? If you are a person who wants things said, done, let’s go, get to it, times a wastin, speak up, let the heart flow, let’s go, you might wonder why the other person is not speaking up, letting the heart flow, sharing his or her feelings etc…  For some realizing their twin flame soulmate is right in front of them and they have feelings after they have done everything to numb themselves because of crap they have had in their lives, maybe they have even had a divorce, not an amicable one.  Any number of reasons may make them very reluctant to acknowledge or to accept that they have had this realization or that they are feeling anything for anyone in any intense way, or any deep way.   They have learned to be numb, detached, be butterflies in philanthropy, socially and all that, but as far as making a wham bam wow rock my world connection, twin flame soulmate connection they are petrified of that.  What do you do? Caring, support, not phony tell you what you want to hear support, sincere, from the heart, even if that means saying what they might not want to always hear, but need to.  You meditate, pray, envision the walls they have put up crumbling down, all the unprocessed pain etc… faced, processed and released so they can admit to the twin flame soulmate connection and move on it.  If they can’t, if they refuse to take down the walls for because of life circumstances can’t, then ask for divine sacred guidance and for things to unfold to the greater good of all.

Amen

 

Majesty, Sacred Again Revealed

Most PRecious Blood

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As I witnessed the Corpus Christi Mass and the participation for the first time of one of the Italian Societies of one of the saints of Sicily, it brought home the beauty, reverence and majesty of the faith.  No need to shout or get rowdy about God’s word, or in communicating it and a few realizations hit home.

We must honor the sacred etc… of the faith in every aspect, even the music, even when we seek to bring in anything secular, it must be in line with reverence etc… for the Great Commission, the mission of the Gospel, related to the beauty of the faith, teachings of the faith.  We mustn’t water down the faith to fit the world or the church to fit the secular, that is not love, that is not loving souls to do so.  It is not loving nations to say you must not have strict borders, strict sovereign control over your borders, and enforce them uniformly, consistently, wisely.  We must truly understand that when Jesus said we were to partake of his flesh etc.. we wasn’t whistling dixie folks, this was serious stuff.  The church understands as does God that all fall short of the glory of God, that doesn’t mean you don’t take responsibility for your actions, you do.  There is an understanding of Justice with mercy and all that.  There is a beautiful majesty that the church has of truth in its’ teachings, but it is not doing a good job in sharing that day to day with the world, the community, not doing a good job evangelizing, not doing a good job with apologetics. If those in key positions in the church do not see the amazing aspects of tradition of the sacred and of setting a solid foundation for all and to welcome all back to the church, then the church can not grow, the church started by Christ when he gave Peter the keys those thousands of years ago, which has such reverence for the Mass, order of the Mass etc… will not grow.  I also caution the church not to pander to illegal immigrants and all that jazz just to fill the pews, but rather to focus on being much better in creating traditional Mass, strong cultural identity of Catholic faith and strong bible study programs within the church, encouraging laity to become strong in their understanding of the Bible and the Catholic faith and to host bible studies on a weekly basis.  One thing I think that we Catholics have going is that we are not dooms day sayers, we don’t have an apocalyptic view of the bible, the future etc…, not in the way others do, other Christian groups do.  We have lots of hope and optimism to be found, that can be renewed and revived, if we can get back to our roots.  That is what I saw on Saturday at the Corpus Christi Mass.

Amen

A Relationship Like A Choir

thumbs_light-pink-musical-notes-and-butterflies-background-header

A relationship can be compared to a garden, to different things but I am going to compare it to a choir, might be a new one. I think it might be an apt description.

In a choir you have different vocal ranges, members with different gifts that have to work in harmony with each other.  If the choir members don’t harmonize, don’t understand their different gifts, don’t have good flow with those gifts then that choir will never work. A relationship is like a choir, each of you has gifts and figuring out what they are that you bring to the table and how they work together can be quite challenging for some.  Also, some voices etc.. personalities work quite well together and some don’t, so a good choir director will seek to bring together those that do work well together.  One of the reasons that praying to the Lord to bring one’s twinflame soulmate to them for a life union is important is that he is a great choir director, so he will know which one is your best partner for a lifelong choir partnership.  The flow will be there, that ebb and flow that allows for great collaboration, cooperation, coordination, communication all of that and so much more.  When you have a good understanding of what each brings to the choir, the relationship and the ebb and flow is there you will find a few things happening more and more as it unfolds:

  • presence, the desire for real presence in each other’s day to day life
  • exchange and free flow of ideas, encouragement mutually
  • shared goals, spiritual path perhaps
  • shared personal, spiritual growth and development, even perhaps creative development

These are just some of the things that you would see unfold as the choir that is one’s twinflame soulmate relationship unfolds.  You may even help each other explore gifts, discover gifts and talents you never knew you had. You bring out all kinds of great stuff in each other, lift each other up, a great journey and experience each and every day.   Will there be moments when you sing off key? yeah, but you quickly get back to singing in tune and on key because you understand the gifts you each have and how you compliment each other.  Each day is a great adventure, so that even being in a park, sitting and observing people can be ecstasy because great spiritual stuff can come up, creative stuff. even the simplest things when you are together can turn into a whole orchestra of music.  That happens in a true soulmate union because you are not trying to change anyone, you simply bring out the positive aspects in each other and anything that is detrimental, well with prayer, with encouragement, the greatest choir director of all can take care, though it may take time.  It is worth waiting sometimes for that perfect for you, not perfect because none of us is that, twinflame soulmate, even if they do come along later in life, to create together beautiful music.

Amen