Get Bitter or Get Better

Get Bitter or Get Better

Last week I had to get my shots for arthritis, today vitamin infusion shots, Wednesday more arthritis shots, for the next two Mondays more vitamin infusion shots, then there are the multiple meds in the morning, and in the evening, the constant fatigue etc… So, do I get bitter or do I get better, a better way of managing my life, navigating my life?  I could allow myself to get totally depressed boo hoo, oh poor me boo hoo play me a violin yeah yeah yeah, oh please really? Don’t think so.  Alternatively, I could enrich my spiritual life, create perhaps a greater spiritual and social network, engage more in the creative, start doing seminars, hosting seminars on topics I feel strongly about.  The fibromyalgia is there, no disputing that, but just because that circumstance exists, doesn’t mean I have to be a victim.  It is up to me whether I stay on surface and float, swim or whether I sink to the bottom.  God can only help me, but I have to be willing to be helped, to be  willing to reach out to him and fight the good fight, to want to float and swim, in the depth of my heart, spirit my soul somewhere.  If I am then He will give me the strength to do so and at some point much more.

Vertigo Reminding Me of Balance


Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.
Melody Beattle

For the past few days, due to inflammation from a recent ear and sinus infection I have been dealing with Vertigo, not fun, not one iota of fun.  It reminded me that life requires balance, especially when you have something chronic like Fibromyalgia.  You have to find a healthy balance of spiritual, emotional, creative etc…really important.  I think when that is lacking you subconscious will do something to remind you that you have missing pieces, or things are out of whack and you need to find your balance again, or in the first place.  That’s not always easy to do in this world we live in, but it is crucial to our wellness, very crucial.  I hope that I can find my balance and find it well. 


A Plant Reminded Me of My Strength


Last Night was not fun, my blood pressure went to 157/100 and I wanted to throw up. my head hurt, chest hurt, I was shaking, slight twinge along my left arm.  It was not fun and a bit scary.  Yet I was not in a panic and my thoughts were not dark or panicked ones.

What was I thinking you might ask, and well even if you don’t, I’m gonna tell ya.  I was thinking about what I was going to record next, how happy I was that in three months my debt would be paid off, the larger one, was thanking God for my life, planning what I would be recording next and telling Satan no way he was winning, no matter what we and the Lord would kick his sorry tukkus. I was smiling, and my mom was scared, had this scared look and then this look of utter confusion because she couldn’t understand why I was smiling.  I was holding my head and my chest, clearly in discomfort, but I was smiling.  I took my heart med, the extra dose as needed and then things calmed down and I told her all that was going through my mind.  I then looked over to the table and there was a plant with flowers our neighbor had given us and she had told us that even if the flowers die the plant will continue to last as long as mom waters it regularly.  I smiled again, a big grin and realized that was me.  The flower, my body may have moments of death, of pain etc.., but my heart, spirit, soul, they belong to God, so no matter how much Lucifer tries to mess with my body, my finances, has influenced my impulsive tendencies that led me to not such a great financial place now, I can’t be destroyed, or knocked out for the count.  The faith is too strong, the will to kick dark side tukkus and overcome sin stronghold is too strong, that connection to the faith, not religion, but the faith in holistic biblical spiritual truth is too strong at this point in my life.  Like that plant, some of the flowers may wither and all that, but the plant is resilient overall and it wont allow hell or high water to destroy it.  I am too stubborn for that, thank God.  That stubborn streak has gotten me into trouble, but it also has served me well on some levels.  I have had to learn to curb in a bit and know when to bend, when to be more flexible, and I am still learning to discern that.  One thing I do know is never compromise on the truth of my faith and Biblical truth, biblical moral truth, ethics and integrity as put forth by scriptures with clear lines and boundaries drawn, including for nations and governance.  

As I move forward hopefully soon with artistic representation, God willing, I hope that I will continue to be that plant that though some of the flowers may wilt at times etc.., the plant itself stays firm and strong, faith, hope, gifts, talents nurtured.


Sleep Apnea Test, Sono and Mammo Oye!

Winter Glaciers

As I think of these two tests coming up, the sleep apnea test and the breast mammogram and sonogram, they have to do both as I have cystic tendencies, and so they need both for a proper assessment, I have to admit, there’s a bit of chill in the air.  But I have faith, so there shouldn’t be a chill in the air should there? 

Some might say that this indicates a lack of faith on my part, that I should have absolutely no doubts, no concerns or anxieties etc…  To that I say “poppycock!!” They seem to not have read their Bible because even Jesus had anxiety and prayed constantly, asked that this bitter cup be taken away from him when he was shown in full color what awaited him.  Peter, fearless to plunge and walk on water over to Jesus suddenly went into panic mode and almost drowned.  I had a lump removed from my right breast, have had skin cancer three times.  I have sleep issues due to the fibromyalgia, one of several issue courtesy of the fibromyalgia.  Has God, has my faith and the entirety of the heavenly bodies been of great sustenance along with my friends, music and other great outlets, constructive ones? Absolutely.  However, it would mean I have no heart, no soul, not feeling if I did not have anxiety on any level.  However, what matters is how I handle it, that I don’t dwell on it, focus on it, allow it to become the focus of my day, or occupy too much space or any significant amount of space in my mind.  That’s what matters.  I will probably we doing sleep studies periodically and I have to have a mammogram and sonogram every year, every year they find something, so far except for that one time when they found a lump that had to be removed, all they have found are cysts that were of not grave concern.  Can anxiety and concern be totally eradicated? No, but it does not need to overwhelm, take over etc…

AmenWinter Glaciers

Quote and Relection

Deepest Pain Greatest Calling

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When I say that the fibroymyalgia has in a way turned out to be a great blessing some might think “she’s nuts”.  When I saw this quote, I thought, yeah, that’s me.

As I reached the 50 year age mark, the fibromyalgia not letting, coming back stronger than ever after seeming to have calmed down, I really decided it was time to focus on what I wanted to do with my life, what my calling was, and so I decided I needed to really focus.  I wanted to focus on the artistic and also on inspiring and motivating.  If I had not had the fibromyalgia crisis, I may not have come to this point, revamped my internet presence, left only youtube and this blog as my platforms and venues for sharing my gifts, talents.  I wold be still like a palm tree swaying here and there, not confident in the gift given to me by the Lord or fully in him to move forward with my calling.  Also, I am going to be looking to a faith venue that really speaks to me as an artist to use my gifts as an artist in faith.  While pain and struggle are never something we should actively seek, that does not mean it can not serve as a way to focus an unfocused life or help us to reach a level of understanding we did not have before if we can get past, let go of anger, resentment all that stuff.


Things To Know About Life With Fibromyalgia


Illness and death are not signs of failure; what is a failure is not living. Our goal is learning to live joyously and lovingly”-Bernie Siegel

Normally fibromyalgia starts with muscular pain in legs and hips, then it will result in fatigue and finally leads to insomnia (sleeping problems). When you  are first diagnosed with fibromyalgia you may feel like the whole world is finished, but after some time you know that you can move on with it. But it wants to be easy, it takes a lot of patience, determination, discipline and lots of positive attitude to spending the rest of living happily. Sometimes you may feed up with your life and you might go through kind of death, but still, you have a life that can live with some behavioral changes. Most of the people begin with denial and try to move on by engaging in normal household activities and work. However, if you can afford, staying home is better than going to work.

First of all, you need to have a sound knowledge of fibromyalgia. You can read books, health magazines, blog posts or even join local support groups. Now there are support groups for fibromyalgia. While you are on medication you might seek complementary treatment methods like physical therapy, aqua therapy, acupuncture, tai chi, and chiropractor. This is absolutely normal and many people find these treatments are effective than the internal medicine. There is no harm to try one of these if you feel that you have better results.

Secondly, it is important to maintain your body healthy and keep you active. You can overcome sedentary lifestyle due to fibromyalgia through aerobics, walking, swimming, simple yoga. 10-20 minutes of exercise can help you to pain relieve and reduce fatigue. Additionally, this will help your body to develop strength and flexibility and finally help in relaxation. So it is also important to your emotional well-being because it can reduce the impact of negative emotions like anger, depression and despair.

Furthermore, you can relax your body and mind further through meditation. You can learn effective ways of mediation via mediation instructors. When you practice it daily you will notice that the physical tension you had carried for so long was decreasing gradually, allowing your body to relax. At the same time, you can make some lifestyle adjustments that can help to control your symptoms of fibromyalgia. Mainly focus on identifying the stressors that cause stress and how to avoid them. 

Last but not least, you need to reach out to people who had been part of her life. Might be loved ones, friends, and relatives or even a support group. Sometimes you can obtain a service from a therapist. However, listen to each other and problem-solve together All these will help you to live a more positive and bright life in future even though you have fibromyalgia.

Not On Schedule, OY!

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I had it pretty much planned out.  I had the plan for what I was going to record and have posted for Thanksgiving and prior to Advent, had a plan, was going to work out great.  I should have remembered.  What should I have remembered? 

The best laid plans of mice and men of course, such plans can easily not be God’s plans or can be easily upset by Lucifer’s mischief.  With the flu, viral general infection, and bad sinus infection that is giving me constant nausea it’s making it hard to stick to my plan.  Do I chuck it, forget it, get really angry at God, the universe etc…? No, annoyed, sure and am in my perfect right to get as annoyed as I want.  It’s my plan gone amok and I’ll cry, for like ten seconds, if I want to.  Then, then I decide how can I kick Satan in the tushi for messing with me!  The original plan was one song per night three nights a week starting to record last week, well that plan went out the window.  Instead it will be writing and recording several songs a night every night potentially starting next week.  See how Lucifer and his army, his legions like that turning of lemons into lemonade! I am too bitchy to let him and his army win, so if I am supposed to spread holiday cheer and share the Good News, then I will find a way to do it, no breaking any laws ever, but where there is truly a will, there is a way. 


Part II Healthy Mind to Deal With Chronic Issues

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When you are suffering from chronic diseases your mental health will degrade automatically. However, both mental and physical health are interconnected and mental health can be boost through physical health. Thus it is very important for you to pay attention to both your mental and physical health for a healthier lifestyle.

Chronic conditions come in all shapes and sizes and some are more serious than others. Some are life threatening but some are not. Many people who have chronic conditions even more than one function quite well and enjoy a good quality of life. Other people are impaired and markedly debilitated by their diseases. Some of it has to do with how you manage your life and your disease.

If you were recently diagnosed with a condition that requires medication or some lifestyle changes, stick with the recommendations of doctors. First of all, you will try to reject it and do not own it or wish it away. You wish to put it aside and continue to live the way you were living. But you have to realize that you need to live your life with or without the serious medical condition at the end. These will help you to develop an outstanding mental health if you are suffering from chronic health issues.

First of all plan a diet using Healthy Diet Pyramid to make healthier foods for the meal. Avoid fats foods and processed foods. Always follow the concept of clean eating with natural vegetable and fruits.

Secondly resting very important. It will help prevent unnecessary straining or injuries to muscles. Make sure you get enough sleep so that you will be ready to tackle new challenges the next day.

Surely create a regular workout routine for yourself. It can be jogging, swimming, or cycling. Try different types of exercises for variety and also for the different benefits that it can bring. Get your friends to join in some group sports, such as badminton, basketball or tennis. This will help you to reduce your stress levels and to get the company of others.

It is also to try to participate social gatherings like parties, weddings and social meetings, this will help you to experience a change in your sedentary lifestyle.

Finally, it is important to participate your religious activities. This will help you to increase your mental wellbeing.

Healthy Mind to Deal With Chronic Issues Part I

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For many people who deal with chronic health issues, the mental, emotional, spiritual toll it takes can make or break.  I know, as I deal with fibromyalgia.  I thought it was important to write about this.

According to WHO mental health is defined as a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community.  And Attitude is described as a predisposition or a tendency to respond positively or negatively towards a certain idea, object, person, or situation. Negative attitude influences an individual’s choice of action, and responses to challenges, incentives, and rewards. This is related to the attitude and mental health with chronic health issues.

Sadly, many individuals don’t comprehend mental wellness issues and may have an adverse perspective of individuals who have them. This can make individuals with mental health problems to be dealt with seriously with their remaining in the group. Some of the individuals feel like it is a disgrace to them. Mental wellbeing isn’t something you can see and it can be ‘hard to get your head around’ it. Some people compare the individuals with the normal and convey wrong messages to the society.

For many individuals, chronic diseases and bad mental health come together and they are unavoidable truths that might apply to everyone in the world. An endless chronic disease is a condition that goes on for quite a while and as a rule can’t be cured totally, albeit a few sicknesses can be controlled or overseen through the way of life (eating routine and work out) and certain drugs. In diseases like heart diseases, diabetes, mellitus, Kidney disease, HIV/AIDS, Multiple Sclerosis, Hemiplegia, Spinal cord injury and several types of arthritis.

Many individuals with these sicknesses wind up noticeably discouraged. Truth be told, misery is a standout amongst the most widely recognized difficulties of endless sickness. It’s not hard to see the circumstances and end results connection between interminable disease and wretchedness. Genuine sickness can cause colossal life changes and point of confinement your versatility and autonomy. A perpetual sickness can make it difficult to do the things you appreciate, and it can destroy your fearlessness and a feeling of expectation later on. Nothing unexpected, at that point, that individuals with ceaseless ailment frequently feel depression and pity. Now and again, the physical impacts of the condition itself or the reactions of the medications that are used to treat this disease.

An inspirational state of mind relations and loved ones can likewise affect your genuine emotional and mental state. From managing stressors related to the diseases helps to make imaginative answers to issues in day to day life. Sometimes you may find that social insurance is uncertain and you have left out form the society. But with a positive attitude, you can face these challenges and live a happy life. 

Fibromyalgia and Me

evening ocean

Fibromyalgia is a shadow, a lingering shadow, always there, there is always a reminder of it, in some form of pain or health issue that comes up, in the medication on the kitchen countertop every time I go in there.  I have been asked what frustrates me most about this syndrome, situation.

Some might think the pain, all the doctor appointments, and all of that, even not being able to do all I used to.  That’s not what frustrates, annoys me most about this syndrome. What most does is the dependency on government, those programs, the fact that I have to be reliant on them, that I don’t yet have a steady stream of income from the arts and other venues that I can tell the government “go to hell, don’t want or need your assistance, I am totally self reliant and self sufficient”.  When people ask about what I do for a living,    Having to rely on public assistance, and be at the mercy of government agencies can be most depressing.  It robs you of your sense of usefulness and all that.  It can make you feel like you don’t want to participate in activities and socialize because what do you say when you are asked what do you do for a living?  I could say a “starving artist” or something like that, but at 50 something that doesn’t sound too great.  I love songwriting etc.., but I am finding that inspiration is harder to come by because I am not out there living life because of the finances, the fibromyalgia and not wanting to feel when asked about my life like I don’t have a positive response to that.  I can’t tell you the number of times I have had to fight these thoughts, feelings.   I have not lost my faith, and continue to do what I do in hopes that there will be a change in my life, a change that sets me free from this enslavement that is government and government programs, to a life of self sufficiency.  This I pray every day, each and every day, so that I earn my daily bread and can be an example to others of overcoming, of becoming self reliant, staying that way.