Confederate Etc…Stay? Heck Yeah!

Life and Liberty, God Bless America

The light shines within., going out in connection to the Divine Creator.

I have more than one family tree.  My tree consists of four grandparents and my parents were cousins.  My grandfather was on dad’s side though he was a model citizen here in the USA, was not so in the old country of Italy, oh no. His daughter, my aunt, many swore was Satan’s child, vindictive bitch sad to say.  Her brothers, not model citizens, except for my dad who couldn’t hurt a fly, break a law even if you twisted his arm, but RIP, was a bit of a wuss, never quite stood up to his kin, his sister, a bit too much of a mamma’s boy.  My mom’s dad, a bit of a temper on him, no saint, my mom’s brothers and sisters, all good souls, and her mom, and mom’s mom, model’s of charity and goodness. The family tree is not perfect, got some real blemishes I could tear up dad’s photos that I have in my wallet, could tear up all photos of me as a kid with Dad’s family, but I refuse.  I don’t have to like that there are all these blemishes, all these stains.  I can hate all of that, hate what any of them did in their life, and that’s fine, but what I must never do is erase evidence of their existence in my history, in my life because then I create a lie, a false life, a false narrative.  I won’t do that.  My mom was very much hurt by my dad leaving and by them in different ways, so she had done her best to erase them, pretend they never existed and I respect her right to do that, but she has also never been able to forgive, and it has hurt her, this inability to accept them as part of history, our history, this inability to forgive.  How does this influence my view on Confederate and Holocaust symbols etc…? It does so 100%.  

History must be told, preserved good bad and ugly, visibly so and conveyed from a human emotional and also purely factual intellectual point combined.  It must not be eradicated, wiped off the map pretending it never happened, it did.  What counts is that we stick to the facts, even within the emotional context of it all, and we learn greatly from it, that we come to a point of unity rather than greater division.  Tearing down history because one group is offended by it is not unifying at all, and they should understand that and find a way to come to terms with that history, still keeping its’ existence visible to all as a lesson in time.  Also, a good point was made in this article , the point being where does it end? Mike Huckabee brought out a good point about well if abortion clinic offend Christians, can we just go destroy them?  What if Conservatives feel offended by Roosevelt as the author of the New Deal and Progressivism?  Can we just to tear his statues down? Atheists hate God, Christ, Christianity, religion, so can they demand all faith symbols, all churches with crosses be torn down because crosses offend them?  Can Muslims make similar demands and start tearing stuff down?  This opens up the door to anarchy and it violates our Constitution.  Erasing history is not something the Feds or even state officials have the right or authority to do.  As much as I might not be thrilled with everyone in my family, their background, I don’t have the right to erase them from my family history or tree because like or not they are the family God gave me.  Does that mean I have to speak to them, hang out with them, be buddy buddy, no.  However, I don’t get to erase them from history, my history, not how it works, not how life works, or how history works.  Hitler, Tito, Stalin etc.. they did horrific things, but we must never forget them, those events and the horror of Communism, Socialism etc…, those symbols must be visible to all always and forever.  The same goes for our Confederacy and history of slavery, not pretty but it is our history, part of our fabric and must never be erased or buried, ever.  If it offends, sorry, tough, get therapy, create a successful life, show you are not a bitter, chip on your shoulder snowflake big baby!!! Don’t try to escape by erasing anything from history, or the public square!



Consistent Noncuranza, Immaturity?

a dark room

There is a phrase in Italian Noncuranza, which refers to not giving a damm, not caring, whatever, that kind of attitude, ignoring things, issues etc… Is it a problem, big one?  Well…, yeah.  

Granted, there are times when life can get nuts and we don’t get to things, to emails etc.. to respond, or to sort things out in a timely manner.  However, if one sees this pattern of ignoring, not responding, of noncuranza consistently, then something is screwy in St. Louie and wherever you happen to be.  Something is not right, just not. We then have to wonder, what is the root of this noncuranza?  The root could be any of these:

  1. Immaturity, not having a clue on what Italians would call il galateo, etiquette
  2. Burying ones head in the sand, not wanting to deal with the issue and thus not wanting to deal with you
  3. Not having answers to what is going on or any definitive anything about it organized, maybe too many ideas not enough focus, hence number 2
  4. Don’t want to be bothered until they want to be bothered with it, or work on it until they want to work on it, no matter how close it cuts to things, time wise etc…
  5. They may think you should just be able to go ahead and take care of it, not realizing that no, it has to be direct collaboration, coordination for it to work, duh

Some may say that any of these are legitimate reasons for this noncuranza, this non responsiveness.  However, if one is working on long term impact projects with another, that requires very strong day to day coordination and collaboration for things to run smoothly, then no, none of these are legitimate reasons for the noncuranza.  It puts the other person in a position of feeling like they are hitting a brick wall in what they are doing, trying to do for the organization, or project.  This will end up leading to that person walking away because they won’t want to deal with brick walls.  What do you do in this situation?  You try your best to get the message across in a non aggressive way that this noncuranza and lack of timely response or response i not okay.  If that doesn’t work, you can go lone ranger in making decisions and implementing stuff, which can cause friction, but if you have sent emails etc.. and you can keep a log of what you have done, then you can explain why you had to do it.  If it really affects your mood, really gets you down etc.., starts to make you miserable having to deal with this continuously and it is an option, you may have to walk away.  It may pain you, but you may end up feeling the frustration is not worth the impact on your well being, especially if you are passionate about the project etc…  If you are, it will get you down in the long run to have to deal with this.  If it’s important to you, very much so but not to them apparently and the noncuranza is continuous, that is not a good thing for anyone.  Pray, yes, keep insisting on what needs to be done and in a timely manner, but if no change comes after a certain time, a decision may have to be made as to what do to, sad as it might be.


Frustrated Collaboration, Balloon Deflated?


The Journey That is Life.

You can see clearly what great potential things have for being a star spangled banner so to speak.  You are doing everything possible to make it happen, it’s your heart and soul, you can see all the potential.  You are really excited about the possibilities. Yeah, right? 

Well, then you are hit with collaboration, with coordinating, with meshing your focus etc.. with that of others, and if the others are like flitter flutter butterflies then you end up with what could seem like a burst ballon, a deflated raft or balloon.   When the ballon gets deflated because though you are focused, doing everything possible to make something a star spangled banner so to speak but the coordinating is not coordinating as it should, that aspect is not gelling, what do you do?  You hope, pray that your able to make it all work in spite of the coordinating etc.. not gelling on the other end, but a part of you, small part, as much of an optimist as you are that thinks if we can’t coordinate, collaborate and gel with synergy and timing, quickly and efficiently, this whole thing may never happen, may never see the light of day of success.  What if this is your calling, this path, what do you do?  Contingency plan.  You always have a contingency plan.  A contingency plan does not mean you are giving up on that project, that great vision for whatever, vocation wise, career wise, creatively.  However, it does mean you understand that what you are working on, as much as you are working on success, if you can’t coordinate with the other parties, rather they can’t coordinate etc… with you in synergy, then it may not see success, not for lack of effort etc… on your part.  

I truly hope and pray that the work I am doing at Most Precious Blood Church and my efforts at coordination efforts will bring it to success, thriving, prosperity, the Italian Catholic heritage preserved.  I hope it is an anchor for conservative traditional Catholicism and values for many generations to come.  As I do my best to coordinate with others, a small part of me is concerned.  What is the contingency plan, something akin to meet up for Catholic Artists.  I am not giving up on MPB, on that dream of it being a star spangled banner of faith and culture, but life has taught me to have a contingency plan.  The artist circle would be the alternative to raise funds and more for this parish and other parishes, organizations, uniting catholic artists to come together in the arts, particularly with A Capella and Improv skills.  I will do that after Labor Day, get moving on that.  May I have excellent coordinating partners and artists on my team, that is my prayer. One could be reactive, just give up be all angry etc.., but that is not what God expects of us, doesn’t expect us to be quitters at the first sign of glitches, or people that are tough to coordinate etc… with.  He expects us to be creative, proactive and figure out how to work through that, and as I said have a solid contingency plan.  If you always give up when there are difficult people etc.., trust me on this, you don’t get far.


Chivalry and Gallantry, Duh, Good Thing!


The beauty of a well tended and cared for garden, lovely isn’t it?  The garden did not get this way on its’ own.  Feminism, modern feminism fails to understand that relationships are all about gardening, not about winning, not about what they think it is.  What does this have to do with chivalry and all that? Plenty.

Women decided they didn’t want to care for or be cared for, that it was sexist, a sign of times of enslavement to the male species to have a man truly care for and take care of them and I don’t mean in an unhealthy dependency way.   It’s akin to a garden where both parties are the gardeners and as they tend to each other with great care, with great integrity, ethics, chivalry and all that jazz, the garden produces beautiful fruits, flowers, a beautiful place for peace, so much joy.  This also includes any long term work relationship and friendship.  If you are going to have a long term working relationship or friendship, then both parties need to be in a place where they recognize the beauty of the compliment of male and female as created by God, celebrate those compliment and synergy differences, not hate on them, try to destroy and eradicate them, not try to redefine sexuality.  When a man brings up an event, the courteous thing is you take her, you pick her up, take her home, especially if it is out of her immediate living area, like another county, don’t have her take buses and trains and all that.  The lady may say no thanks, which I don’t see why she would, but at lease the chivalry was extended.  Opening doors, holding doors, including car doors, so many little things that are not done and part of it is the “women’s movement” crazy notion that if you let a man do all this stuff and if you have a man take care of you in any way, worry about you are setting women’s lib back or some other stupidity.  Women also need to tend the garden, whether it’s romantic union or friendship, once the man has established a solid base, clear boundaries, but has shown he is ready for a mature, deep friendship or other type of union.  The garden should be mutually beautifully nurtured, chivalry should extend both ways in different ways because it’s the right thing to do.  I went through a short phase of “women’s lib, modern women’s lib mindset” luckily, I got of it, got some common sense.  I hope I will find others who think this same way and we can create a beautiful garden in life.


New Year, So What Goals?

Baptism of Fire

As another year has passed, I look back to my feeling last year at this time and the year before, it’s different.  This year, there isn’t the buoyancy of those past birthdays, the heart this year had no expectations, so what’s going on? Is that a good thing for a bad thing? Well…

An old friend had a philosophy “Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst, always”  I  guess in the past I had set all these high expectations for the new year right before my birthday, not goals, not realistic goals, but a bunch of expectations, that included other people.  This year, after learning life’s lessons that I have, I have not done that.  I am hoping for the best, praying, meditating on goals I hope to achieve, that the Holy Spirit has set in me and are realistic, even if this year only the initial buds of the flower spring forth, it’s okay.  The fibormyalgia is still here, not gone away and it may always be there, but so will my music, poetry, love of the arts and ministry, of the faith, of Christ. That is what matters.  What are my goals?

  • Be an effective music minister within the Italian-American and Roman Catholic Community
  • Grow in this capacity and as an artist
  • Earn a living as a music minister and artist, outside of my volunteer work with the church
  • Build a solid group of friends, a family in the arts, ministry, in the same field and grow together in the faith and in our gifts, showcase our talent
  • Be united, by divine guidance, with my soulmate twinflame in sacred companionship for the rest of my life

Unlike other years where i tried to force things to happen had a whole bunch of expectation, high expectations about stuff happening, how it should happen, all that, not anymore.  Yes I have goals and yes I will day to day work towards them, but I wont have a whole bunch of high to the sky expectations.  I will strive to live in the moment, do what needs to be done, still doing long range planning as necessary to succeed, but doing my best to go with the flow as well.


Audience of One or One Thousand

Most PRecious Blood

Today I had my debut you could say, as I have not sung in public in a long time, and not sung any of my original material or done song improv either in a long while, so it was something and I wasn’t sure how I would feel, how nervous etc…

When I got up on that podium, didn’t matter that it was only me and the pianist because I knew God, all of heaven was listening, and my own heart was listening.  That’s one heck of an audience.  I wasn’t really nervous, for the first time in any performance, I wasn’t nervous, or anxious, I was totally at peace.  I was at peace because I was doing what I had prayed for my whole life, performing.  Granted due to it all being last minute kind of there was no time to do any massive promotion, so we didn’t have anyone there but it’s a seed and the pianist, a professional artist really liked my vocals and my material, so that was a nice stamp of approval artistically.  There will be more concerts, better prep etc… and those will be more successful I am sure.  It was just so beautiful to be able to do what I love to do, sing, perform, share.  I really am meditating to have a space all my won to be able to do that each day, and now that i have a pianist who can accompany me, I an start maybe planning shows for 2018.  Time to start living the life I always had in my heart and I think now God feels I have the right people that I can move forward with in this path.  It is important when you are making your journey who makes the journey with you and if you don’t have people who share your faith, your values etc…, who are in sync with you, not going to be right.  I guess God really had to have me wait for the right place, group of people etc…and guess now is the time.  Whatever I do and whether I sing to one or ten or a thousand, the main persons I am singing for and to are up in the heavens and if I do my best as their vessel, then I will do my best for whomever is hearing me on earth.  That is what I realize today and what i need to realize always.  Today was important in that realization, very important.  




Gospel of Seeds Touched Home


There is something in life called followthrough and a lot of time we lack that. The reasons can be different for different people.

Sometimes the lack of followthrough comes down to being frankly dumb enough to saying yes to everything and so you take on more landscaping and gardening work than you can handle metaphorically speaking.  For others it is by nature lack of stamina, and their personality, they are types that really are not good at juggling more than one thing in a very focused way at a time and if they try, it all goes south and wonky.  For some, it’s because of fear, so things are begun enthusiastically, but then when it’s crunch time fear of failing has them run and nothing ever gets accomplished, they go through life in a maze.  For others, it’s that they never grew up, they are so busy being the eternal teenager wanting to have fun all the time, and they have a lot of talk going on, but they never have the glue to actually get moving and get things done.  If they do, it’s that teen rebel thing of only on my time, only my way, the hell with any feedback, won’t listen, won’t pay attention.  Things could be lousy right in front of them, their ideas, their plans not working out, or stuff needing their attention, but they don’t mind it.  They are going to have fun in life, enjoy life and that is all that matters and doing their projects, and projects done their way even if they are not working, teen eternal in a grown up’s body.  What does this have to do with the Sermon from this weekend’s Gospel?

Jesus talks about the mustard seed, about good soil, and all that.  As I have “grown up” and finally come to terms with the baggage from my dad leaving as a kid and my rocky road with mom, I realize how important this parable is to me, to my life.  As Music Coordinator at Shrine of The Most Precious Blood, as a Roman Catholic, as a person in general, what my garden of life looks like, what my work looks like will depend on how well I water and nourish the garden? I am planting some very good seeds, but now, will I water those seeds, will I do so in a way that sustains the garden long term?  Will I be grown up enough, focused enough etc… enough to make sure that I am not doing a million and one things, and so that I don’t drop any balls?  Will be a very focused landscaper of the garden?  Will be grown up enough? Too many people are “yadda yadda yadda” with very little follow through action and I never want to be that, never.  I am not advocating recklessness, but when you are in and with the Holy Spirit, you will receive knowledge of what to do and how to do it and will be able to implement things in a very efficient time line. If you are a restless, aimless butterfly that only wants to have fun fun fun, has no aim, wants to do it all, be in the spotlight, all that, has no focus, good luck to ya, you’ll need it and lots of it, a few Hail Mary passes along the way, maybe more than a few.  Every path is like a garden, every vocational path, every project we take on, every relationship that matters, including that with the Holy Trinity and the seeds planted can only yield a beautiful garden when we tend to it very well, with great focus, nurturing, right nurturing, right nourishment etc…That means follow through, not talk and no action, means thought, plan, very timely action.  It also means you have to know how to make tough decision, know when to say this idea has not worked, time to chuck it in the bin and embrace a different one, all kids of stuff, but that takes lots of being a grown up and follow through, not always easy.  I hope that life has brought me to place where I am exactly there.  I am not sure about everyone around me being exactly there, having follow through, which makes me have to make a lot of decisions on my own, since I refuse to do things last minute and have the church fall flat on its’ face.  All I can do is be as grown up as I can be, do my best and pray.