The Past Paid A Visit

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I had a dream and that dream was of one who was a major part of my past. I had not really thought of them for a while, but I guess there are those who touch our lives so deeply, have such an impact for good or not, or a mixed bag, but so deeply that they truly are a part of us forever. How do I feel about this? 

Mixed bag really.  In a way I feel sad because we got it wrong in how we dealt with “us” the situation, relationship etc.. and it had potential to be perhaps even a great friendship, but we screwed up.  I am so sad because I think about the fact that we are so opposite, so opposite in our worldview, so I wonder if we did come together, if this dream were a premonition, foreknowledge, how would we reconcile that, and if we could.  Then there is also a sense of sweetness that the bond is so strong, even years later I have such a dream.  I also have to acknowledge that there is a pain associated with this relationship pain caused and received.  I can’t ignore that, and if I were to honor a pledge I made to this person, I would have to truly reconcile that pain, along with any loving feelings, couldn’t just ignore it, neither could they ignore any residual hurt they felt in my regards.  All that would have to be addressed.  Any fears, insecurities about ourselves and each other would have to be courageously spoken and addressed.  We weren’t ready to love each other, even if we did back then, now, perhaps we could, perhaps we could love, accept unconditionally, not try to fix the other, address what needs addressing and simply work on being the best me each of us can be, grow together.  Perhaps, or perhaps I continue to work on myself and continue t move on.  We shall see if the dream I had is a foreshadowing, a foreknowledge, and how I navigate it, we shall see.

Shalom and Amen

Trust, but Verify, Not So Simple


Instagram, and whatever the latest platform is an be treat tools for promotion.  However, they are also traps, and it can be tricky to navigate.  What makes it tricky?

In the age of google images and other places where you can get images to use, people can purchase or get for free images of persons o distinction, of celebrity rank.  One group of people often targeted by scammers in using their identity, information to prowl for and catfish for women or for men is the military and law enforcement.  You would think people would be more respectful of these two groups, but no.  How do you figure out if the person of high rank military, or celebrity is legit?  First of all do your research.  If the person the scammer uses is military of high rank, unless they are sent on some covert mission top secret, if they are doing anything high profile in DC or at any of the cadet academies etc.. if put in the name of the person and the date, you can see what shows up online.  If they say they are in the Middle East, or some far off place, but there is an article about them presenting a speech at a military graduation, or something of that nature, well guess you are talking to a scammer.  If the person even celebrity has always been a person of true integrity, ethics etc…with a very strong faith, real strong orthodox Christian etc.. faith,  they connect with you, saying you were one of the suggested friends, say they are separated etc..start whispering sweet nothings, I’d say you have a problem there.  If the person is decorated military, law enforcement, comes from a tradition of that in the family, honorable history, strong faith family etc…, that sense of honor and integrity is ingrained in them.  Does it seem plausible that they would see to start an affair via internet without being formally free of the first union?  If they constantly find excuses to not video chat etc.., or when they do they always do so in the dark, so you can’t really see them clearly, have a hat on half covering their face and if you ask them to take it off they have an excuse each time, hmmmm not good.  If you have someone who is open to and even suggests, let’s video chat, after you have spoken online for  a bit of time, they send you videos, and you video chat, it’s in the day time where you can clearly see their face etc.., surroundings, then good signs.  In the digital age, we need to be not paranoid, but cautious, as I am having to be with my own internet journey.


Some “Just Friends” Category

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Whether it’s online or offline, you get a sense of things when it comes to people, and if you work to develop discernment or have people around you that have that gift, but mainly your own gut when it’s not fear driven, but really contemplative prayer and meditative in nature will guide.

Some people you have an instant connection, which is great and you find them easy to talk to right away, feel at ease, all of that stuff.  Great, as long as you are sure who you are talking to.  There are some connections that are immediate connection et… as well, but even though both or a few of these connections have that ease, there is still discernment required.  Sometimes after a few conversations with each or several of the parties, you just know.  You have a Holy Spirit sense which one really has the maturity, common goals etc.., potential to be more than just a friend and which one either because of a certain immaturity you sense, for whatever reasons, that Holy Spirit intuition which person is the just friends one.  You have to honor that, honor that sacred intuition.  You have above all honor your own soul, own spirit about who to have in your life and in what way they fit into your life. That’s not always easy to do, but with faith, discernment, meditation, prayer, maturity, common sense, it can be done.  That is where I am now along with planning clearly my journey in life 2018-2020, laying the foundations.  It’s a great thing, working towards achieving your dreams, and getting there when you do. I pray that the vocational goals, goal of creating ministry through coaching and the arts combined, as well finally joining my life to a true soulmate are achieved. All I can do is my best, give of my best, of my best self.  All any of us can do.

Shalom and Amen

Online Potentials and Perils

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Like many things in life the Internet has its’ yin and yang, potentials, and perils so to speak. Instagram is an example of that.  I have had several gentleman follow me after posting videos to promote my blog, my music. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind interacting with fans once in a while, but these guys don’t seem to come in with a lot of maturity.   You have those that are like a bull in a china shop as the saying goes and immediately bombard you with personal questions, or those who immediately start calling you sweetheart, honey, babe, all this stuff, which is not appropriate unless you two are officially a couple for some time or are engaged. Then you have those who start off seeming nice enough, great, then after a few chats declare their love, are ready to upheaval their life for you, move to the ends of the earth for you.  They don’t know your background, your history, anything about your life, family, and you have not verified anything about them, their background etc…, yet they are declaring forever their love and wanting a commitment.   That is not realistic, definitely not a sign of maturity.  You can look at a photo, see someone’s videos online, all that and love certain qualities that come across, their eyes, their smile, you can feel something sparked, not saying you can’t, and when you talk online, chat you might feel very much at ease with them and they with you.  That does not constitute being in love or that the relationship is solidified in any substantial way.  Relationships take some time to build, you have to seek common ground, really know you will be there for each other through thick and thin, and all of that takes time, takes spending actual face to face time with each other.  Knowing a person past and present is not done in a few chats, falling in love, real Agape, and beyond love is not done in just a few chats.  Also, if someone is going to make any choices in life about changing anything in their life, it has to be for them, not you as the reason to run from where they are at now.  When any relationship on line is attempted to move at the speed of lightening to “love you to the end of time” or anything like that and they want a firm commitment of partnership, commitment, red flag.  For me anyway, I promised myself and God that when and if I were to make that solemn commitment it would be made with maturity, deliberation, prayer etc.., and the person would be one of like mind, goals and also one of maturity.  One can be spontaneous and still have maturity, but there is a difference between mature spontaneity and immature impulsiveness.  It’s important to know the difference. 

I am  open to love and marriage all of that, even through Instagram, but it has to be with a person who has a certain level of maturity and of course a MAGA Patriot, one of like mind.  If I sense any red flags I need to pay attention.


Still With You

I Am Still With You

As I watched the Capitol 4th Celebration on TV and they mentioned 9/11, I thought of the dreams I had had that week about people jumping out of buildings, buildings on fire, funerals, crazy dreams that made no sense at the time and that morning just before the alarm was set to ring, shortly before I had a dream with my Nanna, dad’s mom telling me, go back to sleep, stay in bed, it’s not your time to go.  I didn’t understand, but my gut said, listen to Nanna.  When the alarm rang and mom came to wake me up at 8:15 or so I said no, Nanna said to stay in bed, not time to go and I refused to go to the appointment. Well if II had I would have been in the Towers. 

Was it my Nanna? Was it God sending an angel in my dreams taking shape as Nanna so I would listen and not go that day? The theology really of it didn’t matter, still really doesn’t matter.  What did and does is that God was with me, felt I needed to be here, had something to do with my life, now granted fibromyalgia hit and hit hard, and I have had a winding journey to get to the understanding that I love inspiring and coaching whether directly or through the arts, but still.  It also as I remembered this and my dad, different people, realized they never leave us, their memory, even if there was family turmoil and they were not in our lives long, they never leave us.  I didn’t see Nanna after I was 10 years old, and my dad I was ten when I last saw him alive and then saw him again in a casket.  People may not be with us physically, but they don’t ever leave us, what they said, taught us, memories created, all of that crops up at times, depending. We are shaped by those in our lives, our interactions etc…I need to take a look at that for myself, my own life.

There is someone else who is always with us, the one who created us, He, the Word Made Flesh, and the Spirit of Counsel, and as I re-learn about our nation, it’s birth, different events that gave birth to us, to the USA, I know that to be true.  Never forget we are never alone, though people may forsake us, the Trinity and Heavenly hosts do not.  Amen


What Makes Friendship Unbreakable

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Friendship, a beautiful thing.  There are friendships that last a lifetime.  What makes that possible.  I have been thinking about that, about what would make a friendship that is really deep and would last a life time. 

First thing I think is a similar worldview, shared values, some synchronicity and synergy.  What else, is that all?  No. Those things may change over time to some degree, so there also has to be the ability to accept change, and sometimes if one has very deeply held views on issues, that is not easily done.  There also has to be the ability to discuss a range of issues without getting into an all out war, which again, if either or both of you are very passionate about the issue may be tricky.  You also have to able to tell it to each other as you see it and accept it.  That is not always easy.  If one of you has very strong intuitive spiritual tendencies and stuff strongly comes up, you and you are a very strong personality by nature, you find you can’t not just say what you sense. That can create friction, so navigating that added element can be like sitting on a bomb and not having it go off, not moving so it doesn’t go off so to speak.  There are many nuances to friendship, for it to last a life time, so many levels of dance and sometimes one of you will trip durning this beautiful dance and there is no recovery. 

I have also realized that I really never had the friendships, not more than one or two that were really of great depth, and those of these that were couldn’t withstand my personality, as I can be rather passionate in my opinions, viewpoints, and also expressing what I intuitively pick up, strongly pick up.  When anyone picks up stuff intuitively or gets info in a dream, it is not that absolutely it will happen, but when you keep sensing that strongly or have a recurring dream of it in regards to yourself or your life, it’s telling you, take a look at what is going on so you don’t end up there or take care of something because this is a looming possibility.  In friendship, any relationship people find it hard to deal with this, especially since I am not one to back down just for the sake of keeping the peace.  That I am realizing has impacted my relationships.  I realize I need find a way to change some dynamics, while still honoring my views and also the intuitive impressions I receive.  I do need to check into a regular group meditation practice and such because that I believe will be of help. The dance of relationship, of friendship is one that I realize requires balance and I need to find that balance within so I can have it externally in my relationship with others.  I don’t want superficial relationships, I don’t need many either.  I do want a few that are truly deep connections and are lifetime ones, so I need to be myself the type of person that embodies someone that others would want to have such a friendship with. As I make my way through this course of being my own coach, interesting insights emerge. 


An Exchange Reinforces The Vision

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Life will give you answers, the sun will show itself.  If you recall in past posts I have spoken about dreams with recurring themes and I also have had a sense of relationship, how I felt my companion and I would come together, how that would develop .  I wondered about that, what was coming up in the meditation. This past week, life has given me some indications 

To begin with someone started following me on instagram and we have started chatting, he even sent a photo of him and  his mom.  The way this is developing with each being a cheerleader for the other in their work, in general, building from a friendship perspective, sharing family photos, having open discussion, very organically, naturally about issues of the day.  I can feel an easy flow of energy back and forth, which is nice.  Should this continue to flow and move along as it is now, awesome.  Then there is the coaching thing, what will I specialize in? I went to see my gastro doc and as he was speaking about how he likes to listen to the patient, look at the whole picture, not just give a pill and send them on their way, when I told him I was studying coaching,  The conversation and my own interests made me really lean towards wellness coaching. Next thing, the dreams regarding my spiritual life.  As I am not thrilled with the hostility towards those of us who are Traditionalists, Conservatives Socially, Politically, who love the Latin Mass, things like that, the confusion this Pope has sown, and who perhaps for some some reason, and for reasons I have spoken of before possibly contributing, I have detached from the church.  This new connection I have made that flows so easily, is Roman Catholic, so seems I keep being brought home to my roots, God keep trying to bring me home to my roots.  I have a few things now to reflect on, to ponder and I am continuing to work on new material for the Jam on the 27th, so hope to see some of you there! 


The Life I Want

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As I look at this I see what I would like my life to look like, a snapshot of what I would like it to look like.  It is also my wish for others.  As I make this journey to create a new life, one that pushes past the fibromyalgia, there are days when the meds calm everything down the pain, all the stuff that comes with it, the lack of sleep etc.., and I can see this all happening very easily, and then there are days when it’s a lot harder.  Today I went to my neurologist for a follow up on my hand which was in pain a few weeks ago and she didn’t like the way I was moving my neck so she did a check and I ended up having to get my homeopathic with a touch of cortisone, again, though I had shots six weeks ago.  Does it make for a tired me at times and the ideal life seem a bit distant? Yes, but not impossible, not with grit, with faith, with determination.  That means I have to ask questions about whether the choices I am making are healthy in the long term, and I have to not be impulsive, spontaneous if stirred in the Spirit by the Spirit, yes, but that’s different than impulsive.  I hope to build this life, this snapshot for the long term using meditation that helps me ask and answer crucial questions, enhance my gifts.  Life can be an amazing journey, in spite of the bumps in the road. 


Beauty of Connecting


This morning as I meditated I experienced a beautiful vision of an ocean and waves, foam, small boats, swirling clouds, it was awesome.  I thought afterwards about what I wanted to see happen with my life, what would I want to have my life be if I had to summarize it.  In a sense, this captures it. 

Build an empire, not really looking to be the next Oprah or Bill Gates, but if I can leave a great legacy for future generations of true Conservatism, as the founding fathers meant it to be, of Republicanism as they meant it to be, of solid faith, spiritual grounding, a legacy of meaning I will be very happy. Earning my daily bread doing what I love the artistic, the coaching, I will be double, triple happy.  Finding myself, that’s been a long journey, but I am in my heart of heart a Conservative, and Christian, Metaphysical in my view of things to an extent, but firmly Conservative and Christian. Healing and Loving myself, part of that means really reconciling with my past, those closest to me who hurt me, tore my life apart, turned it upside down, even if they have passed on.  I don’t think I have fully done that, not at the deepest levels, but I will.  Getting fit, that is a process that will take time as I work through the healing, loving to help heal some of the physical, fibormyalgia might ease up a bit.  Hopefully I can get even more passionate about my artistic work, as the energy drain from the fibro is rough, so I am hoping to find ways to ease that with meditation and other not too strenuous techniques of stretching.  I will use my love of country, of God and Country, to get involved locally with restoring the Republic, working with the NYGOP, NY Patriots Group, hopefully make a difference.  I am apparently having an impact on youth in the Middle East and Asia, as on twitter I am having lots of artists, soccer teams, players, activists against sharia, child marriage and all that following me, so I seem to have struck a cord there. It’s an interesting development in my life  It’s life Forrest Gump says “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know hat you’re gonna get”  I hope to make new friendships as I get active in preserving the republic, moving forward with really reconciling with my past, even things I wish I had done differently and may life take to me a place where I leave behind in this life a great legacy for all. 


Can’t Use the Heartstrings or Fake News

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Growing up one of my favorite shows was Dragnet with Det. Joe Friday, and his infamous line, ” Just the Facts ” He was right as is Thomas Jefferson and we are seeing this played with with immigration and so called rights of certain groups, which now mean that other groups such as legal immigrants, law abiding citizens, traditionalists etc.. are being kicked in the teeth, their lives, children, those who work for the President, American Citizens, ICE agents etc.. are under threat, even literally.  Why?

First of all, the narrative.  You have even so called Christians with their fake social justice stuff, and the Trump hating truly biased media, those who want no borders spreading falsehood, ignoring completely the Constitution, Bill of Rights, Precedent decisions made by the courts and pulling at the emotions to try and decide law and order, thus creating the opposite, chaos and disorder, destroying The Republic for Which We Stand One Nation Under God.  The media and the no borders activists, even Latin American countries who want to get rid of people rather than fix their nations perpetuate all kinds of false narratives about Conservatives, Trump, any government agency, official that stands by the Constitution, Border Laws etc…Anyone who firmly says, stay the hell away from our borders if you are not coming legally, for the benefit of our nation, not your benefit, and only under very strict asylum criteria will be crucified, branded a Nazi etc.. Funny because by the way Trump, his family, his team, those of us who firmly demand a total immigration overhaul very strict protocols etc.. on immigration, e-verify etc.., we are the ones vilified and some of the stuff thrown at us is truly vile, but do feminists, does anyone call that out, no.  The media, they wan’t ratings and much of the media is truly skewed Alt Left, Socialist, Marxist, so anything that seeks to restore America’s exceptionalism as a True Capitalist Federalist Republic, reclaim it’s Judeo-Christian heritage values upon which the founders based its’ formation, not he fake liberal interpretation, the actual true understanding of it, they will loathe, reject.  Even the Church is complicit in the lawlessness, which is surprising considering Jesus saying that we should give to the government what is due, and we are to submit to the laws of the government, unless they truly are Nazi, Fascist, which in no way is it the case in the USA under Conservatives, but it is Law and Order 101! It is surprising since the bible makes it clear that both God and Satan run things like a government, with hierarchies, everyone having a specific assignment, ranking with some ranking higher in authority and power etc…, and you don’t cross any lines of what role you have been assigned, Lucifer tried it with God, didn’t work out well for him, got banished, and won’t have a pretty end at all.  You would think the Church would have figured out not to promote lawlessness, aid and abet it, but apparently neither the leaders or members of the Christian community have.  I guess wisdom doesn’t come from religion or theology, sadly.  Then again, someone has to fill the pews I guess.

The politicos, what’s their excuse for lawlessness, stupidity etc..? Each side prostitutes itself, nothing new in politics.  The Dems funny enough founded by the KKK and up until not too long ago in no way supportive of emancipation etc.. for minorities, now prostitute themselves for votes to the Latino and Asian community, the groups that cater to open border and illegal immigrant advocacy.   Not that my Party, the Republicans are angels, no.  They also do it, but they do it to the Koch Brothers, Commerce Chambers and the like who want cheap labor.  The hell with actual law and order, statutes, any of that, the actual danger posed to the immigrants making the journey, the children put in the hands fo the coyotes etc… the destruction to our Republic, our values, heritage of being a strong Capitalist, Federalist, Democratic Republic, not a Democracy since we don’t want any group determining law for the whole, or any large state or large group of states running the show for the nation, nor do we want, nor did the Founders want emotions, the heart strings deciding law and orders, but rather law and order, safety, security, long term benefits on many levels to tho Citizens fo the nation to determine that.  When the Church, the Media, anyone, even Politicos put lawbreakers, and their activist advocates wants before the security, sovereignty, law and order of the nation, they have shown themselves to be a disgrace to all. 

What do we do about immigrants?  You sure as hell don’t create incentives for them to make this dangerous trek, and with their kids tor for anyone to make the trek.  If you truly want to help anyone, you kick ass of the nations that allow these crossings into our border, you make it clear you expect them to clean house fast, and will help them do it, either they clean house or face stiff penalties for allowing their people to violate our sovereign borders  You also radically overhaul your nation’s immigration policy so you have people come based on what your country needs, not what they need and for the long term, with e-verify etc.. in place.  You also overhaul international policy, so you don’t go into nations to rebuild etc… in  ways that are more damaging than helpful, and that have  100 year strategy, not kidding, with as little military intervention and more logistics and tactical assistance that does not involve the military, so they do their own fishing for the long haul and don’t come to our borders.  Enough already with the fake news, the heart strings, prostituting for votes etc…, time to get tough and overhaul the world!!