Anxiety and Calling

Emotions and Meaning

We hear about a calling often, people have a calling, pulled to something to fulfill a dream, something just is so in your heart, your spirit and soul.  The journey to get there may not be a straight line, and initially may not be clear at all, so the journey to really get to a healthy fulfillment of that calling may be one of a mix of pleasure and pain.  It may be so also due to our expectations, as we may have no real clue what that vocation entails, the hard work and preparation it truly entails, the sacrifice it requires and with today’s youth deciding that if they have to work to earn a living then that’s just not cool, we are in real trouble, so is any hope of anyone having any true and lasting healthy success. The calling can also trigger anxiety as you make the journey especially when you place all kinds of expectation on it and yourself because you initially may feel powerless as to how to even get the journey started and if you don’t have any support or mentors, even more so, but community can be found, if we meditate and allow the universe to guide us as to where to go to find the right community, also allow that community to find us. Shalom and Amen

Jealousy and Anxiety Hand in Hand

Emotions and Meaning

Jealousy and anxiety go hand in hand, stemming from a place of low self esteem, of uncertainty and feeling that power is lacking, control is lacking, that sense of something is lacking within me, my life, my persona.  The greater the sense of lack within, the greater the anxiety, thus the greater the jealousy.  Here is the thing, if someone else has a happy life, so it seems, how do you know what you are seeing externally is what is going on internally with them, their lives.  How often after a suicide or a homicide are people stunned and do we hear, they seemed to to have it all.   Jealousy because of what others have, have achieved doesn’t really fit because you don’t know truly what is going on behind closed doors, you should be focused on your path, not focusing your friggin energy on someone else’s path and business because the energy spent on jealousy could be better spend taking inventory one’s own life, to change one’s life and realize one’s own potential etc…  If jealousy is an issue with any of us, we need to stop living someone else’s life, get our own life in order, and if a relationship is dead, can’t re revived, really dead in the water, a career is dead in the water, either is bringing only misery, then for goodness sake we need to figure out how to have the guts to make changes to get out of that and create our own happy life, but don’t envy those who have created theirs!! We need to get a backbone, get whatever mentoring etc.. is needed to get a happy, healthy, prosperous etc.. life for ourselves, deal with your insecurities, cry them out over a few weeks if you have to, and realize we are a loved child of God, even He looks at your choices and lift His hands up in despair, shakes His head,  rolls His eyes and goes “Oye, what are you doing?” and have redemption in Rebbe Messiach Yeshua, a  Chaver, a friend.

Shalom and Amen  

Life Lesson 18 and 19

45 life Lessons

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Achieving dreams and goals may seem to come easily for some and for some of us seems to take longer, may seem to be lots of junk to sort through, that’s not good or bad per se, it just is.   For some of us when Holy Spirit, the Shekainah places something in our hearts as a child, even as a teen, the assumption is that means we are means to realize it right away or even within a few years, or in a particular way, but that is not the case, and if I had understand that and pursued the arts, Jewish arts and Messianic Jewish studies, Rabbinic path in that years ago I could have saved myself a long and winding road, even be a lot healthier as I would have fulfilled my calling, not taken such a beating on so many levels, made different choices in life.  I took the first glitch in my path of ministry and pull towards Judaism as NO and that was a mistake, as long as the calling is not to anyone’s harm, particularly not our harm, and you truly pray for discernment and to be given right mentorship.  This might be an odd one, but even on a symbolic level, if  we are obsessed with how, when etc.. it has to happen and it has to be our way, not God’s way etc… we will stumble and fall over and over again, we will met wall after wall.  If we have a stubborn as hell, unbending, has to be our way,  I have learned the hard way that if I want to succeed, I need to have joy in what I do, joy in the journey, and allow God to really prepare me, while I am preparing I may have be doing something else.  I need to be discerning do when the time is the time for all to come together, I will be more than ready to seize hold and move forward full speed ahead.

Shalom and Amen

Life Lesson 17 and 18

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Childhood can be heaven, limbo or hell, depends on the adults around you, it can even be a combo dish, again depends on those around you.   People talk about a lost childhood and in a sense yes when your childhood is unstable, filled with a lot of negativity whatever that negativity may be, in whatever dose it may be, however harsh it may be, a piece of you is lost.  However, it is up to you whether you stay stuck there or whether you decide you will break free of those chains and at some point be a happy inner child and a happy adult that lives life to the fullest, happy, healthy, wise, thriving and prospering on different levels, making the journey along those lines.  It may take a short while to get there, or it may take a very long hard road.  Hopefully, you meet some good people to help you along there.  It’s also never too late to go after the dream you had growing up, even if it’s not exactly the way you pictured it growing up, meditate, pray, be guided as to how once you make that choice to let go, forgive for yourself not them, and live, truly live, how those healthy dreams can become reality.  Move through and past any inner negative self talk and obstacle, if necessary find a group online that will encourage you, pray with you and for you, meditate with you.  Your childhood junk etc.. does not need to determine your whole life, unless you, unless we let it.

Shalom and Amen

Disappointment and Regret Oye!

Emotions and Meaning

Disappointment and regret, they kind of go hand in hand don’t they?  We often times enter into situations, even relationships with these expectations that really are the stars, the sun and the moon, something spectacular, and then reality hits, and it’s not what we thought, or the nuggets of gold are not as shinny as we thought they would be, or we didn’t aim to hit the bullseye etc..regret puts on us a certain responsibility to make up for lost time, lost opportunity and all that jazz. Regret brings us back over and over to those times when we had expectations that didn’t meet reality, or when we aimed and didn’t quite hit the bullseye, maybe we came close, but because of fear, insecurity, rashness and immaturity, we blew it, screwed up.  Thing is, it’s part of the process of maturing, learning, hopefully if we are lucky the screws ups so to speak are minimal, not “WOW” screw, rather “wow” screw ups. Whatever the case, many of us make the journey of life with some form of disappointment and regret.  The main thing is what did we learn and what do we then do with what we learn? Hopefully valuable lessons, very valuable for ourselves and that we can extend to others. 

Shalom and Amen

Exploring Emotions

Emotions and Meaning

Life lessons are great and important, but what about the emotions that go with those life lessons and experiences.  As someone who deals with fibromyalgia, who is the a product of divorced parents and it was not amicable by any means the divorce, has had to work through self esteem issues and release the past stuff, I am greatly interested in understanding what role emotions play.    Despair, a dark place to be in and most doctors will have you pop a pill, if it’s really bad go see a shrink, and be in therapy for years and years, while you pop pills.  I am not knocking medicine or therapy, but I do think our society, especially the US, we put a band aid, we try to run o meds as soon as we have an issue with our health, rather than getting to the root cause the spiritual, emotional and energetic cause of what is going on.  Even getting to that we make it such a long and winding road, when it often doesn’t need to be, and the medical profession will create disorders and meds for disorders blowing them up into something medical when it’s not really medical, not at the core.  Despair comes from lack of meaning in life, it comes from a place of feeling that your life, that you make no contribution to society, to family, to anything, that you are a waste of space, that everything you do, are is poison, that you are worthless to society, to God, to everyone. If we want to get out of despair or bring people out of that, then there has to be an understanding that every life has value.  I was watching the Japanese channel on cable and a woman in Cambodia who has a disability created an organization and through the arts has helped people with disability understand they are of great value and helped society understand these people all have something to offer our society, they are not a waste, so rather than be in despair, be seen as a curse, a burden they are flourishing.   Before many would have thought of suicide, but all they needed was to belong to know that whatever disability, suffering was going on in their lives, they were not alone, they were cherished, loved, appreciated and they could contribute.  We all need to feel loved, cherished and to contribute.  Even when the Church, the Synagogue etc.. have a duty to speak truth about what is sin and the consequences of that, they can still let the person know that they are loved, cherished, even if the life they live can not be. 

Shalom and Amen

 

Lessons 15 and 16

45 life Lessons

A lot of our anxieties and I can attest to this come from the what if, and what catastrophes we imagine can happen in the future etc..We can become so focused on that, on imagining the worst, we get stuck, we can’t think, can’t move etc…, it’s a mess.  That fear of the future, of what could go wrong in the future can be a real problem and cause us to make stupid moves that create even bigger problems.  Cultivating being aware, in the moment, in the now, present today can help a great deal and that is something I am working on, need to work on cultivating more of.  If we can’t we present in the now, we won’t be able to think straight and resolve what needs to be resolved.  Writing, well even if you keep a journal to start with, if you love to write, feel the call to write, start with a daily journal or well thought out, wise responses on social media, start with that and build from there, go on your favorite blogs, respond to posts that really catch your attention. Write, write, write. Do what you love!  Shalom and Amen

Lesson 13 and 14

45 life Lessons

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Lesson 13, that one I can say for certain is a life lesson.  Relationships that are sacred, beautiful, truly honorable etc.. don’t need to be hidden whether friendship, romantic ones, business relationships.  Relationships that need to be hidden, that cause you, others pain, are not healthy, so why would you even seek them, or put yourself in that position.   Secret relationships cause pain, cause havoc, are almost never to anyone’s good.  If you can’t proudly publicly show that relationship to the world, then why the heck are you in it?  Lesson 14, love this one, a good one. If all you are doing is sitting around, lying around having a pity party, then all you are doing is dying, you are not living , you are are not alive.  If  all you are doing is moaning and bitching about what life, what your country, what everyone owes you, you are not living, you are dying.  No one owes you anything, even your parents at a certain age, owe you nothing except love and respect, but anything beyond that is given purely out of love, should be, but never because you make them feel they owe you, they don’t.  Your country, all it owes you, or me is basic safety, liberty etc. according to the Constitution and secure borders. It doesn’t owe free stuff, free education, doesn’t owe us anything.  We can go through life having pity parties, that never end, slowly dying, or we can understand that life is about living, not what anyone owes us, and live, actually live.  That’s a choice, so what will be our choice? 

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Shalom and Amen             

 

 

 

 

 

Life Lessons 11 and 12

45 life Lessons

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As parents, as the “grown ups” we often want to be strong and be stoic for the kids, and we don’t want them to see us cry, ever or be sad, angry, even at God, or at faith leaders who commit egregious acts, but that’s not healthy.  I am not saying let the kids see you go ballistic all the time or anything like that, an if you are feeling off on a daily basis then you need to go see someone.  If there is a death, if you are let’s say a devout Catholic and you are furious about what has come to light about those in the Church, if life has thrown you multiple zingers, it’s okay to let them see that you are not this stoic robot, but that you have a range of emotion, but also show them how you move through them, use them in a constructive way, to make constructive change, that if you need help, it’s okay to ask for it.  Make those moments teachable ones because they can be, up to you as the grown up to see that they are.  As for not comparing your life to others, I have to admit I have been doing some inner work as I go through these Coaching studies, and as stuff has come up I have found myself doing that comparative thing, but I then have to realize, people have had their own journey to get there and I don’t really know what struggles they have had, or are having, so it’s really not fair to have a pity party and try to compare my life to theirs.  Each of us makes choices, decision, some positive and constructive, healthy, others, not so much, and then we have to move through and past the results, consequences.  The only real comparison we need to learn to make, yours truly included and I am trying, is where have I been? Where am I now? Where am I going and how the heck to do I get there with ethics, integrity, and sanity? I hope we all come to these realizations and can apply them to our lives.

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Shalom and Amen

Life Lesson IX and X

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These next two are ones I can relate to, especially releasing the past, making peace with it.  I pretty much thought I had made peace with everything in my past, even my own screw ups.  Last night, I was watching a reality program and as I watched these wonderful young people with developmental challenges plan their wedding, get an apartment to assert their adulthood and independence, be realizing certain dreams, having this community of friends, people in their lives fully encouraging this emancipation, their grit, determination.  That wounded inner child came out and I cried, cried for all the unfulfilled dreams, all the screw ups etc.. and realized I have not really made peace with the past, and I need to do that.  If I don’t I will always feel like I am not good enough etc… and will be running around in circles.  If I am going to make really good decision present and future, I have to heal that inner child, reconcile with a past I don’t feel too happy about, wish had been different.  I have some inner work to do to reconcile with the past, so I don’t screw up the present and the future.  Not fun, not easy, but it is necessary.   How can I be of help to others if I have not worked on healing myself.  Physician Heal Thyself, even as you help and impact others with what skills you have.

Shalom and Amen