When The Heart Fears, Paralyzes, Yikes!

Letting Go Never Easy, But Necessary

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Love is, being in love can be a powerful thing, but also the most frightening thing in the world and in some cases more so.

Love and being in love can be exhilarating, make you feel like you are floating on air, inspire etc.., but it can also be petrifying. How can that be, didn’t I just say it was great? Yes, I did, but…Yeah sometimes for some there is a but in there, even if it may not seem rational to others.  For people who are not good at communicating, or communicating emotions, are painfully shy, falling in love, being in love can be a real literal pain.  They may be head over heals with someone and even fall for someone who is not shy at all, the opposite, that whole compliment and synergy thing, opposites attract.  Because they are so painfully shy, it can be quite daunting for them to express what is in their heart.  For someone like that the best thing is to “bite the bullet” as they say and provided there is no impediment and they are free to be with the one they love, just plunge right in and express yourself.  If the other party has given any indication they have an interest, then should be no problem.  I am a firm believer in prayer and meditation before any endeavor and asking for a few angels to accompany you as well, can’t hurt.  What might be another reason the heart fears loving and being loved? History of course.  If a person has a history of having made lousy choices, painful ones in the past, has had a very unhappy marriage that has just ended in a not so amicable divorce and all that, is concerned about how their kids might react to a new woman in their life, even if the kids are grown and if they are not a very strong personality, then they may doubt their ability to make a choice, to love and be loved rightly. They never connect, not really, close off their heart, spirit, soul to anything deep, and though they have a lot of butterfly connections, they are terrified of anything raw and deep, too many inner demons tormenting for that.  In this case, one has to face those demons head on constructively, look at the pattern of bad choices and change the pattern. Then one can prayerfully move forward with an open heart etc..as the demons are put to rest.  Then there is the must control person, the one who has to control every aspect of things, and won’t even consider what the other has to say about anything.  They are too full of their own whatever to share the spotlight with anyone, too territorial to share a path, life a journey with anyone.  This might require some life and relationship coaching and definitely prayer. Life is about journey and hopefully we can find a special someone, a true twinflame soulmate to share the spotlight with.  

Is any of this easy? No, not by a long shot, but it is I think worth it.   Love, falling in love, being in love can be scary, as much as it can be amazing and staying in love takes an effort to stay on a common path, journey together, but if we let fear paralyze the heart, she spirit and soul, we miss out of something potentially amazing.  That truly would be a sad thing.   


What Does It Mean To Let Go

Inspiration Peace and Love

We often hear that you need to let go, especially when it comes to relationships that went south, sour had a sad etc.. ending, broke your heart and all that.  What does that mean? 

As I said the Holy Spirit has been having me do a lot of reflection this Lenten season and this is a question that has come up in my spirit, my soul.  I thought about a relationship that has haunted for though it is not a part of my life anymore, not in the sense of they are in my day to day life, or that I see them etc..  Yet as I said in a previous post, memories you can’t run away from, and so memories are there always.  When I say I have let go, what does that mean?  Does it mean I have no memory of them, don’t know what they look like, or would not recognize them if I saw them in the street?  No, of course not.  Here is what it does mean.  I don’t blame, resent or any of that.  I am able to look at it all, even the not so great stuff with detachment and realize it takes two to tango, and two to make a mess of things.  Both of us messed up for different reason, but I can stand back now and say that he was not the villian and that it was all on him that things got messed up.  That’s big deal, to be able to step back and say that my insecurities played a part in things going all wonky, along with one or two other factors, but not the main point.  Main point is the letting go and what that means, this being a part of it.  What is the other part of it?  I can see their face on social media, and a comment they made, something they posted, be pissed about the content, hit back hard, but at the same time smile and laugh about it, thinking, whatever, just them being them.  Then I can also think, what would I do if I were walking along one day and came face to face with them? What if they said they wanted to go to lunch, what then?  I can honestly say I could go to lunch, sit in the park with them and hear them out, have an open heart conversation and go from there no bitterness, nothing like that.  Any negative feelings, attachments etc….that is what I have let go of, and that means I have been able to step back and see that I can’t make them the villain in this, nor can they do it to me, both of us messed up, have to take responsibility, forgive each other and ourselves.  Letting go to me anyway means this, not sure what it means to others, but this is what it means to me.


What Is Friendship, Love?

Made me reflect on love.

I must have listened to this song I don’t how many times in my life, but for some reason, in the past three days it struck a cord with me, one part of one of the Karate Kid movies in particular.

The end scene when the Karate Kid is down and looks beaten by his rival in the karate match.  Suddenly the girl he loves gets up and starts beating the mini drum and then his teacher, surrogate dad, then others and it’s a chain reaction.  That moment tells us what love is about.  A big part of what love is about, what friendship is about is giving courage to the other person and making them see the potential within themselves that they may not see and wanting that to shine.  It’s not about the material gifts, or about sex in a romantic union, not that it doesn’t matter, but the essence of love is beating the drum when they are down to lift them up and giving them that sense of courage to lift themselves up, to fly and shine bright, hopefully they take you beside them on that journey and they do the same for you.  That is what love is about at the core.

Connections I Will Always Cherish

Inspiration  and Love

Past and Present there are particular connections to particular individuals I will cherish for the rest of my life. I hope that I can always appreciate each one for what it was and is, see the good in it always.

A very powerful past connection will always hold a very special place in my heart and always have a piece of my heart.  It was a mega roller coaster for both of us for different reasons.  If we had met under different circumstances, at a different time, had perhaps greater maturity it would have turned out quite differently.  I am pretty sure it would have worked out quite differently.  Being an empath and such, I never have doubted they love me, never.  I still have an empathic, psychic connection with them, and being an empath likely will my whole life, which is fine.  It is what it is. As for the relationship, any memories, I don’t focus on the negative, but rather on the fact that it was a catalyst to opening my heart, spirit and soul in ways I never had in life done so, it opened me up raw and I am grateful for that.  Granted their political leaning, being liberal progressive still makes want to scream and shake them, smack them hard upside the head, but I will still always be grateful they were in my life.  I wish they had been able to create a happy for themselves, be themselves open of heart, spirit and soul to the extent they opened me up raw and start a whole new life, a brilliantly happy one.  If I had one wish for them, for everyone I have a deep connection, or an amazing psychic and heart connection to, it is exactly that.  What of present day connections?  There is one connection that is like a very comfy flowing river, very calm, very peace and though we have only had friendly conversations over the past few years when I have gone to see them professionally there is a connection also on a psychic level, on an empath level with this person as well and though I feel they would love to build a friendship and we could be BFFs, they have been working on getting unstuck for some time, something many of us can relate to, having periods in life of feeling stuck, trying to get unstuck and that includes in terms of relationships, forming new ones, even friendships, in general.  They have asked I keep them up to date on my artistic projects and all that, which I do, holidays I send holiday greetings and hopefully this year will be the year when our BFF journey, lifelong Best Friend Forever journey starts.   I don’t sense it going beyond that, just a gut feeling.  Then there is the creative connection, the one that inspired me to fly, that gave me wings to fly and pursue in earnest my creative path and now to become more focused to choose the sacred arts, someone that there is a lot of empathic connection to, a very dynamic electricity connection to.   The potential for a deep lifelong friendship, creative collaboration…….. is there, but they are so closed within themselves, so scared, guarded etc… they may never let me or anyone in.  Pity, as it also closes him off artistically to the audience.   I have reached out as much and far as I can even as a friend, and friendship has to be the basis for all things, but I can’t do anymore than what I have done, so I am stepping away, stepping back and if this artist wants a friendship, to build a deep and solid friendship, an artistic collaboration, anything, he will have to break down all his walls at some point, or there can’t be anything.

In life I have been able now to look at different connections, step back and really look at them objectively in a sense and I guess that is a good thing, at least I hope it is.  

Shalom and Amen

Always Makes Me Reflect

Ricordati Di Me

This song always makes me think of a lesson that I learned about relationship, real relationship, the kind that will last a lifetime, the elements that it requires, at least for me anyway.   No one is going to dispute the obvious, that a healthy attraction and active sex life for a couple is crucial and one that is not just about sex.  What does that mean?  

I have realized that for a relationship to really last, there has to be more than the physical act itself, than that lust animal desire.  There has to be a playfulness to the relationship, playful banter, and the ability to also debate and discuss in a healthy way.  There has to be the ability to share the exploration of faith, of culture/s, of intellectual pursuits together, philanthropy and creativity together.  That creativity can take different forms together artistic and non artistic, but there needs to be a level of creative interchange and exploration, inspiration that feeds the union and helps it grow.  There needs to be the ability to accept the other as is, to embrace the other as is and where they are at, not seeking to change the fundamentals of what makes them the person they are and that you were drawn to, provided it is not a dysfunctional relationship and what drew you was not dysfunctional in nature.   There needs to be really good communication verbal, non verbal, tenderness in that physical union.  There has to be room for understanding that we are not perfect, and as much as we do our best to be kind and loving etc.. to each other, we may mess up at times, not in pattern, but at times, throughout our long journey together.  However, that does not mean we are not true to our own journey and who we are, including our faith journey and work to be in compliment and synergy with each other if necessary.  Presence, awareness, real presence in the moment with each other, sharing in each other’s dreams hopes etc.., having many shared hopes, dreams, plans activities, mutual encouragement, as well as individual activities, down time, all of that matters.  For me as one who loves to write, create, would love to spend lots of time working on the keyboard and writing music, being outside and having my computer with a downloaded keyboard and be inspired, going somewhere quiet and where I can record and be inspired by what I see, even if if just semi quiet and do a live recording, some of that each day would be important.   

When I hear this song and I think back to a key relationship in my life, life changing, I realize that it was not built on friendship or shared plans for the future, on anything necessary for a relationship to work, to be a relationship.  There were some tender moment, and some very intense moments, but there was nothing shared, not real memories created, or real tenderness as there should have been, except glimpses of it.  There is also another element, which is that we could not accept each other for who we were, but then again we never really did get to know each other really.  I still am not sure I could accept even today his far left worldview, which is so opposite mine I think.  I am grateful that it did inspire lots of writing and helped me to understand what a relationship is supposed to be and what it is not supposed to be. For that I am very thankful.  

Shalom and Amen

Soul’s Journey and Soulmate


That soulmate connection is like a beautiful symphony.  I know what it feels and looks like, so what does it feel and look like for me.

  The feeling of them as a best friend that I could banter with, joke with, feel totally myself with tells me that.  Their being loyal faithful, something I feel in my gut, that sense that I have known them my whole life, they are a BFF tells me that.  I believe I have came across my soulmate, but because of circumstances being tricky a situation where they feel they have had to tread carefully, it never went beyond the bantering, and that kind of exchange.  It’s organically a smooth connection, no tensions, smooth.    I recently had a sense, a signal and dreams that tell me perhaps the connection fitting this description might be almost ready to come forward.  I envision a quiet life, but also with travel to places that have metaphysical significance like Sedona, and teaming up with my soulmate to do some coaching and even creative work together.   I envision a union where we don’t push buttons, except in good ways, to encourage each other to grow, inspire each other in the Jewish faith perhaps and for Israel advocacy.  I believe it is important for the person I will spend the rest of my life with to also be a best friend and I theirs. I envision a lovely home somewhere not in the woods, but something in the middle, quiet area, yet very close to all conveniences of the city and where it is not required to drive to go shopping etc….finding a place together that will reflect both our personalities.  I have a clear vision of sharing Shabbat together and all that, I have a clear sense of what I want with my soulmate, the life I want and that includes the intellectual and spiritual exploration of Judaism, creativity and inspiration.  I am praying for that person to come forth who will share all that will me and so much more.


Shalom and Amen

Happy New Year


My best wishes in this Rosh Hashanna to everyone.  What are my wishes for all of you?

My wishes are as follows for all of you, all of us:

  • May you find peace within no matter what is going on around you.
  • May you realize your path, gifts and talents to the fullest
  • May you find love that is true blue and brings you joy for a lifetime be it friendship or other types of relationships
  • May you always have home and hearth, never lack, always abundance

Shalom and Amen