Echoes of Path Not Taken

Garden Path

As I work with the church, as I realize I am on the right path as an artist and minister, as I connect with these artists I see echoes, the path not taken.  Why was that path not taken?  As I said in a previous post, this year my birthday has been a somber one and unlike ones in the past three years, I din’t really have any smiles or anything like that, just lots of somber reflection.  I guess over 50 will do that to you.  Why was the path of artist and minister combined not taken?

Baggage and fear at the root of it.  How?  I carried baggage from childhood with me into my young adult years and up until a few years ago.  It was a heavy load and it created also fear, fear that I wouldn’t be perfect enough, get things perfectly right on the one hand, but so anxious to do that I didn’t really listen to the Holy Spirit as I should have for my own life.  My intuitive side was great when it came to other people, dreams of foreknowledge about friends and family, discernment for them, all great, but for me, for my own life, the baggage, thus the fear, and thus not such great decisions were the result.  If I had been able to let go of the baggage, the fear from that, and discern, I probably, even without any support from the family for my artistic bent, or from mom, I could have done the following.  I could have joined a church choir, stuff like that and with that compensation, since college paid for private voice and acting lessons, since music is also in a way theatre.  I could have built a career as an indie artist and songwriter.  I had so many negative voices from that baggage and also some negative external ones, which I allowed to interfere.  The arts has its’ pitfalls, no doubt, so a strong faith life, a strong boundaries spiritual and faith life, as well as community of like minded people of strong faith etc… are the way to keep you grounded.  You also have to really let go of baggage, fears and pre-conceived notions of fame, fortune, success all of that and do it for the love of the arts.  You also have to have a life and other interests outside of that, again to keep you grounded.  

This birthday, my life has had echoes, echoes of could have, should have, wish I had done.  I can’t change what was, but I can change what is and what will be, this is my opportunity to help this parish thrive, and also to put down the echoes.  I also need to find ways to earn my daily bread with these gifts and then those echoes will be further put aside and dissolved.  Life has been quite a journey and I don’t want anymore echoes unless they are of my having realized my full potential in this area and come into union with my truest soulmate, the man who is my truest soulmate at all levels including creatively.  Now, I need to totally trust The Lord, not the voices of a negative nature.  Don’t get me wrong if people see a pattern that is not healthy for you, even in terms of the projects you are doing not being right in line with the Lord, or not succeeding and requiring an overhaul of some kind, that’s different.  I am talking about those voices that chip away at your confidence, self esteem, that do not value your talents in full or at all, may even mock them.  Those voices you need to drown out with the Holy Spirit’s voice and solid scripture, prayer, poetry, music that will uplift etc…  May all listen to and fully precisely discern it and our path early on in life, that is my wish for all.  I look forward to great work at Most Precious Blood and also in ways that will earn me my daily bread in spades as they say.



It All Starts With A Seed, Then Our Reaction etc..

single seed

A seed, one single seed, that’s where it starts, a notion, an idea, a single stirring etc… either from us or another.  That single seed can then lead to a series of other things, actions, reactions.

God started with one phrase “Let there be light”, the “big bang” or whatever you want to call it and then he continued to have things unfold, the Word, the Word eventually becoming flesh for our salvation, his resurrection conquering sin and death for all who would believe in him.  A seed, the start of a world, of the creation of something incredible that okay is not perfect, has gone wonky and these days back to Sodom and Gomorra wonky, but still an amazing creative achievement, us included, even if we do go wonky and loopy.  I am sure God just hangs his head and shakes it in despair often as do many parents with their offspring, but still love them with all their being.  A seed, Abraham who would be father to a host of nations and whose wife due her impatience created a mess historically in that part of the world by not waiting for God’s timing, but rushed ahead to have a child through Hagar, an alternate seed planted, not of God’s will of man’s and one that still to this day tears the world apart.  The seed of a beautiful talented artist such as a DaVinci, or any number of others in our history who have enriched the world from various cultures, whose journey started with the seed of a wonderful imagination that was able to take flight and soar.

Seeds have the potential to create beautiful things when they are nurtured, when they are given structure, the right support, tools etc… they can be used for the greatest good, they can create abundance for each individual and move life forward, but the seeds I am realizing have to have clear intent, positive intent, a number of elements to them and be in accordance with God’s will for your life, also in line with Biblical truth.  I am now at a point of really going back to meditating on what does God truly wish me to do with the rest of my life and my instincts are really gearing me to church arts and education ministry as well as life coaching.  However, I am going to be meditating and praying on this further, so I can plan good seeds and bring forward the best possible harvest I can bring not only for myself but also for others.


Do I Detour Due to the Dismissal of Others?

The Journey That is Life.

The Holy Spirit had stirred in me the goal of an arts ministry and of course again when anyone says ministry automatically the thought is church, religious institution.

Recently I had the privilege of working a concert series at a nearby church, one of the first Italian ones in the neighborhood, and seeing it had a lot of potential to grow into a full arts ministry, so I shared my ideas with one of the directors there of the program.  However, I am realizing that there is no long term planning there, nothing is organized for the long term and my ideas are though Holy Spirit given not going to be paid attention to, so what of what the Holy Spirit stirred in me?  Does this mean it was wrong, or what?  No, because ministry is not always about a church or religious institution.  The two pieces, new ones I put up in the early morning hours today brought 20 new followers to the kaartist blog, so they touched a cord.  This blog touches a cord.  One of my twitter followers suggested that I should market my songs to DJ’s that they would be great for events, and so would it be nice to be able to create a vibrant arts ministry in the church, well yeah, but if that other party is not focused enough is a butterfly, honeybee etc.. all over the map and can’t get their act together to create a long term plan, with long term budget, see the value of what I bring to the table in terms of ideas I have presented, talent etc.., not going to bang my head against the wall.  No, time to move on, and focus on ministry through these blogs, and taking up the suggestion made by that twitter follower of mine to market to DJ’s.   Not something that would have occurred to me offhand, but it is an avenue to reach people and inspire in some way, then whenever that star is reached it is reached and it’s not about reaching fame and fortune, about earning my daily bread, working my way to getting off the disability benefits.  Don’t get me wrong I am grateful the help has been there, but I really would prefer to be self reliant and I pray the arts, which is a great love of mine along with coaching and motivating intertwined will be the path to get there.  Ministry in a nutshell is about that, about inspiring, coaching, motivating, in Christ yes, but still it is that in a nutshell.  I hope that with my poetry, with my music whether secular or Christian, I achieve that, whether through the church or the Internet, however it happens, hope I get organized always, focused and streamlined enough always to do so.