Fallout, Good or Bad?

Northern Lights

Often in life, we will do our best to make things work, give situations, people, relationships chance after, after chance to work, and we do it for any number of reasons. I am not saying give up at the first sign of trouble, but often we are so afraid of fallout if we make changes, walk away from what is dead, burnt toast, what can’t be salvaged, or is harming our ability to grow as a person, spiritually in every way, making us consistently miserable, so we wait it out, hoping a miracle will salvage it.

The problem with that is that the longer we wait, the longer we chew on burnt toast so to speak, the greater the fall out when it just reaches a point of breaking, where we just are forced to change things or walk away.  It’s like getting a cut and hoping it will heal, or just running water over it and thinking that can disinfect it, it can’t.  The longer you let that cut go, the more the chance of a deadly infection.  Often we think we are doing the noble thing for others by staying where things are dead, where there is no life, no deep connection etc.., it is so burnt out, can’t be salvaged, though we have done our best. What of the others? Those others may actually be hurt more the longer one waits, tries to force things to work that can’t. All we can do is give it our best, but after we have done, really given it our best.

The longer we wait, the greater the fall out when it just reaches a point of breaking, where we just are forced to change things or walk away. Often we think we are doing the noble thing for others by staying where things are dead, where there is no life, no deep connection etc.., it is so burnt out, can’t be salvaged, though we have done our best. What of the others? Those others may actually be hurt more the longer one waits, tries to force things to work that can’t. All we can do is give it our best, but after we have done, really given it our 150%, and so has the other party or if they haven’t but we have, whether it’s career or personal life related, that is all we can do. I realize now that I did myself and mom a great disservice by not going out on my own. I felt I had to stay because duty and obligation, her not speaking English well, how could I just up and go have a life, leave her alone. In doing that, she never got out there to learn English, to make friends, build a community for herself. By my staying, I did no service to myself or her. When we see clearly something is burnt toast, DOA, can’t be salvaged, we need a plan and we need to have the courage to walk away. Yes, there will be some chaos maybe, some hurt, but in the long term, it will be positive for everyone, though it may not seem that way at the time. Something to think about.

My First Day On The Wellness Path/Gym

soaring eagle

Today was my first day working with my personal trainer, Shaka, over at Crunch.  I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I woke up feeling ugghhh, with a bit of nausea, allergies still bothering me.  The session was really good.  We started out with an intake of my medical history, some sense of where I was any goal I had.  We then did some basic movement and range testing, and I found I couldn’t touch my toes, but I did manage to bend part way.  Then the muscle stretch started using a foam roller, which I will be ordering to be able to exercise at home. We discusses also acupuncture and massage therapy, best place in my area to go. 

The actual exercising itself, what of that.  The goal was just to work on one side lower body area, so we worked on the right side, muscles from the ankle all the way to the hip.  I have to say that i did feel better after the exercises, my body didn’t feel as ugghhh. Why is that?  Energy, movement of energy, you see how we pick up static, sometimes you’ll see light coming from your fingers etc.., well why do you think that is.  We are energy, so when the energy, due to emotions, trauma etc.. is stuck, we feel stuck, our lives get stuck, we get stuck in certain emotions.  We may not have dealt with emotions, think we have, but we haven’t.  As I train, get the acupuncture, massage etc…, stuff will come up, stuff l may have thought I resolved, but didn’t and will have to be healed.  It’s worth it, worth it to be whole, to be able to be the best me possible.  If I am going to fulfill my calling, then I need to be in a good place, feel myself in a good place.I look forward to my journey to full wellness, which is a process. 

Shalom and Amen

Life Lesson 36 and 37

45 life Lessons

Are you like the IRS in terms of your life, constantly scrutinizing every aspect of your life, of the could have, should have, if only etc…?  Are you your own worst critic and nightmare? Well, join the club.  You are not alone, and I used to be that way.  I have had a hard time not letting my past mistakes be a wall that kept me stuck in that past and not moving forward in the way I truly felt I should.  I know that no one can move me forward but me.  Yes people can encourage, guide etc.., but ultimately through daily spiritual practice, wellness, meditation, prayer, forgiving self in the knowledge that the Creator has forgiven me and wishes me to live a better, wiser healthier life, make wise choices for my own sake, I can let that wall completely crumble, but I know it’s not going to happen overnight.  Still if I never get started, it never will, which is why joining the gym was important to me, and starting the yoga, regular exercise will be important, shift the energy, mindset, and thus life. Doesn’t mean a perfect life, but one not stuck in a loop of auditing myself and my life constantly based on past mistakes, learning from that, moving forward and not repeating those mistakes, making better choices, wiser ones.  That will mean figuring out what to let go of whether that’s people, places, particular belief structures.  The one thing I can never release is a belief in God and the overall holistic understanding of life lived according to the Ten Commandments.  God is just logical for me, as nothing could have been created, organized etc.. even the laws of gravity and science without a brilliant mind and seeing the human struggle of good and evil Biblical understanding of life, even if strictly at a metaphysical level is what makes sense and is logical.  Certain things will probably always remain a part of my life, but I am at  place in life where I am looking at things from a wellness and holistic perspective more than a theology perspective, so for example certain biblical truths make sense from a wellness and science viewpoint for me anyway.  For others it may not be that way, but I can only believe what I trust in my core being to be true.  Even if organized religion, or religious bureaucracy , the uber liberal direction of the Roman Catholic Church doesn’t sit well with me and is not appealing to me, nor the layers of bureaucracy,  and I may let that part go, doesn’t mean there is nothing of value to learn from the traditional teachings. Reincarnation, that just doesn’t jive for me, this endless loop of coming and going, back and forth etc.., meditation, a certain detachment, as Jesus taught, in but not of the world, yes, but reincarnation, doesn’t jive, this constant loop.  Again, I am looking at everything now, seeking to look at it from what makes sense, truly makes sense based on what I see in this struggle of good and evil, what makes sense to embrace philosophically, metaphysically and scripturally, spiritually for holistic wellness and that of society, including in regards to sexuality?  That is how I am seeking to make decisions, even in regards to matters of faith.  As I make my journey through the rest of life, I have to be careful not to be an IRS auditor in overdrive in my life and make decisions based on holistic wellness and what truly authentically makes sense, rings true, such as Capitalism, Never Marxism, Never Socialism. 

Shalom and Amen

Knowing When To Redirect

You've Done It Before.jpg

Life has a way of kicking you in the pants so to speak when you need to make changes and when my allergies hit this time around it was not like other times, it was hard and I am still after five weeks dealing with full fibro flare ups, crashing etc…, not fu.  My voice is awful, so doing any seminars etc.. is not an option right now, so what do I do?  One of the important lessons in life is knowing when you need to redirect your energies, life etc.., even if just for a while.  For now, until March of 2019 where will I be directing my energies?  Well..

  • Exercise and wellness, joined a gym, signed up for personal training five sessions so I can have a plan of wellness and light exercise, yoga, healthy Fibrmyalgia planned out that I can follow
  • More writing, creative writing, have pushed that to the side, haven’t felt very inspired, so will try to get that old magic back
  • Writing out seminars and deciding on longer term programs to offer as well for March and beyond
  • To be the best me I can be, I need to be in a good place of wellness on all levels, so getting to the gym, working out a good healthy diet for the fibromyalgia, organizing ahead of time what I want to offer, getting it in writing is a smart thing to do

I will be sharing my journey of wellness as I start going to the gym again after a long absence, and will start getting back to poetry writing and recording.

Shalom and Amen


Everything You Do

Everything You Do

As a kid, even as a teen, you are not in a position of full discernment when it comes to decision making, but life is a journey one where discernment of decisions etc… comes from being able to step back and say “is this for my greater good and the greater good, is it respecting boundaries etc..?” Yes nurture, type of nurture, and all that plays a role in shaping you, but when does the scapegoating end?  When do we take responsibility for our life choices, stop blaming God, Parents etc.. At what point does one take ownership of one’s life, one’s decisions etc..?  Hopefully early on in life.  It’s easier to play the blame game, and it means you don’t ever have to grow up, make the hard choices or even accept the consequences of any choices you make when they go wrong, or if they were clearly the wrong choice.  It’s important that we be able to make the choice, with reflection, informed, with clarity and accept the results, consequences etc…Yeah, it’s not always fun being all grown up, but staying in wonderland forever is kind of a sad place to be.  I hope we all can come to that place where we honor wisdom, discernment etc.. and the fact that at a certain point in life whatever choices we make we own and the consequences as well. 

Shalom and Amen


Faith and Wisdom, Great Marriage

Emotions and Meaning

Faith and Wisdom truly a marriage made in heaven, when the journey is made with integrity and willingness to actually learn and understand.  Faith should never be blind faith or faith just because your family has always been whatever religion they are.  I have been on a journey, gone through a maize, long and winding road looking at religious traditions and faith, what it means to me.  I respected my family’s Roman Catholic faith tradition, but i felt I had to explore and know if that was truly the faith I knew to be truth and in line with the scripture I believe to be the  Spiritual and Objective Truth that can guide life wisely.  It took me a long time and even my sort of saying to God, well I can do it all my way and life will be awesome, don’t really need you, though I do believe you exist and the scriptures.  It took my banging my head, in terms of life experience, a few times and very unpleasantly to really come to see what faith is all about, to see what it is about for me.  For me faith, spirituality, and choice of Roman Catholicism comes from the understanding that scripture being Christian is a way of life, coming to understand that.  The Cannon of the Catholic faith which is distilled through a multi faceted lens, including sociology, and science offers a holistic picture of objective truth and how to live one’s life.  Wisdom comes from experiences, from having gone through a journey of self reflection, reflection of ,one’s life, the ups and downs, choices made, consequences of those choices and alignment with scripture and the RC Cannon.  When I look at that, my life, my choices etc.. I realize that a part of life, I did not operate with fullness of wisdom, of truth, emotional discernment and such.  That had negative results for my life, for me as well.   So in my wisdom, understanding all this, I realized objective truth is extremely important in how I live my life, the choices I make, realizing that they can not be made on emotion and what I want, my in the moment whims of what I want and only that. Faith in objective truth, in how that helps to live a life that gives guidance in order to make smart choices is very important.  At least for me it is and with that I can plan my near future with great clarity, even as I am firm in Christ in the moment. It is truly a blessing. 

Shalom and Amen

Tired, Ready to Quit?

Don't Quit


It’s been a long and winding road and I have had faith that upon finding my true path, calling life would turn around, I could say goodbye to all reliance on government, once and for all, I could see an abundant life, not only financially, but in every way.  The fibromyalgia, however, pushing through it day after day has temporarily worn me out, so where I don’t write songs anymore, though I did have an inspiration for a poem, which I recently recorded and posted on soundcloud.  As I read this poem I came across, it resonated with me.  I am promoting the blog, the upcoming webinar, doing my best to change my life, my financial picture, yet no changes, so it would seem.  That is not entire true, not really.  I’ve made the decision to change my path of wellness, will be discussing this with my doctor, seeing about going to homeopathic remedies.  I am determined to be proactive, so I looked up gym and spa membership near me, found two potential candidates.  I will check both out, see the vibes I get and start on the path to change because for anything to change, I need to first make changes within my own self and lifestyle.  Quitting, saying I am tired and just giving up would be the easy way to go, but then Fibromyalgia and the Devil would win, something I refuse to allow.  Is quitting and option?  No, no it is not.  That’s not to say I won’t take it easy on the exercise understanding the limits of Fibromyalgia, but quitting is not n option.

Life Lesson 34 and 35

45 life Lessons

When people think of miracles, they often think of Fourth of July spectacular something or the religious mystic type stuff.  We think of them in terms of ancient myth, something that is hocus pocus.  Here is the thing, if we don’t believe in miracles, in the impossible, then we have no science, no music, no creativity because miracles are not just about those spectacular religious mystical experiences. Really miracles are in a sense the wonders of life, of talent, of nature, how it works, the seasons, the winds, oceans, different species of fish and fauna, the whole process of conception, birth and life.  It’s all such an amazing daily miracle, despite Lucifer’s Ego influence and any evil we see.  As I push my way through fibromyalgia each day is a miracle, each day I am here writing this blog, not in bed crashing, in pain etc… is a miracle, though my allergies have kicked in overtime these past weeks and it has been draining as hell.  We need to Believe in miracles and believe in them in all sizes, see what happens in our lives when we do, affirm it verbally.  Life is a rose with thorns, truly is the best analogy of life.  However, the thorns can not take away from the beauty that is the rose.  Yes, life can throw us some real curveballs, as I well know.  They can be minor ones or heavy duty ones, devastating ones.  We have two choices no matter how soft or hard the curveball that comes at us, if we can’t avoid it and sometimes we can if we really paid attention.  We can either be the life long or long term victim, lashing out, giving up on life, on everyone including ourselves, run and hide, hate not forgive, poison ourselves and the world around us.  That’s one choice and it is a choice.  The other choice is we look honestly at the situation, maybe realize our own choices created that situation, get to changing destructive, self destructive patterns, mindset, so we don’t repeat those, how we make choices, decisions, to make better ones.  If we don’t allow the thorns to bleed us to death, we can learn a great deal, we can grow in ways we could not have even imagined.  Let’s believe in miracles, even small ones, the smallest ones, and lets not let any thorns bleed us to death, but rather be a teaching moment, noticing the rose and becoming stronger and a better person for it. 

Shalom and Amen

How You End the Day, Does It Matter?

15 Bedtime Affirmations

I have come to realize something very important.  How I begin, and also how I end my day matter a great deal.  Especially how I end it, that can make a huge difference.  Some things that need paying attention to are food, what foods to you take in before bed, who you talk to, what their vibes are, their energy is.  What are you watching before bed? Are you watching programming that is funny, going to give you a positive healthy outlook on  life?   These things are important because they also will impact our thoughts, emotions that we take to bed with us, good or bad.  If you’ve had a really bad day or couple of day etc.. like I have with my allergies really wreaking havoc on me, then you want to get some kind of good and decent sleep.  I’ve been watching Christmas movies at night before going to sleep especially, drinking green tea, camomile that sort of them. 

I have also been listening to meditation in bed.  I found a really great youtube video of affirmation, and what I did was create a bit of an intro in my own words affirming a few things, some cord cutting and then that every work of this meditation lives within me and I live every work of this meditation.  I want to make sure that what my heart, spirit and soul process as I sleep is really positive, productive, will help me to sleep well, even stimulate healing, creativity.  Granted I still will need to get into an exercise routine and all that, but this is part of it.  How I end the day will help determine how I start the day, of course always true to my authentic self and core Conservative truth.. 

Shalom and Amen

Thank You For Your Voice

yin and yang


When God created us, he didn’t create robots, which means we have a diverse chorus of voices and those voices don’t always meld into a harmonious chorus, but those voices the different ones we find in the blogs etc… they give us a window in who we are, who different part of society are, so much more. It also is a valuable tool in seeing where evil lies, and if we do see that evil, or that lost soul, maybe we need to figure out how to make  a difference, pray, something constructive to make the world of less darkness and more light.  We should know what we stand for, and if we are defending something, is it because we believe it or have to right.  That’s also important, are you standing firm because you truly have that worldview, it truly is who you are heart, spirit and soul, or are you standing firm because you just have to be right all the time? Every once in a while it’s to examine the soul.  I wanted to say thank you to all the bloggers and voices in social media, constructive ones who make a difference, to the ones that are not standing for authenticity, who they truly are heart, spirit and soul, have not made that arduous journey to know that, who are just following the crowd, the friends, what your angry bitter professors teach you, may you be inspired by divine inspiration and find your actual truth. 

Shalom and Amen