Emotional Intelligence, Huh?

Domains of Emotional Intelligence

Connected to boundaries and discerning all of that is gaining emotional intelligence and they come in four areas.   Self is of course where to start, but can be one of the most difficult journeys to make.  We first need to know our life truth, even if it is uncomfortable or difficult to face because without understanding that, moving forward in a healthy way won’t really work.  We also have to reconcile with what was, even if what was has us going “what was I thinking?”  “How did I get myself into such a mess?” or has painful stuff to it, abandonment, abuse.  Reconciling with it, not saying we have to have people who did us wrong as part of your life, but having that moment of forgiveness for self, for the other person, not for them, but for you, to lift the load is a very important beginning on the journey of healthy heart, spirit and soul.  It’s also important to be a tree with good roots planted in the ground and know what your beliefs, values, patterns are both positive and maybe not so positive, and no one really wants to admit having not so positive patterns etc.. If we are going to change and grow we need to acknowledge that, not obsess, never obsess over the past or anything, never good.  Patterns include relationships, so are we runners, or do we tend to move too fast without really thinking, end up with egg on our face? Things like that might be going on, or maybe we set such high expectations, and on purpose, that no one can meet them and then we say that all men are this or all women are that.  We convince ourselves “there is no one out there for me, doomed to be alone forever”.  We all have patterns and understanding that is a good way to discern maybe even what our current values, even what, our character is.  I personally like to discern through meditation, prayer and reading not just scripture, but also some good psychology and philosophy.  I hope that we all can make this journey to become emotionally aware and grow as a person.

Namaste, Shalom, and Amen

Revolution and Faith in Our History

Highest Glory

Many of the founders were not fans of organized religion and we see that trend today or would fall more under an evangelical umbrella such as Pastor Jeffers, Leon Fontaine and such. They strongly believed holistically in biblical principles applied to life and governance as much as possible.  How did this cause a revolution?  Timeline let’s get a sense of how:

The 1740/50’s you have Great Awakening inspired by George Whitefield’s preaching spreads through colonies, books such as The Visible Union of God’s People among others, and this sets the stage. 

The 1770’s-1780’s you have the Boston Committee of Correspondence to indict British Rule, Continental Congress, prayer and fasting to pray about what to do next, how to proceed, Declaration of Independence and everything leading up to the USA being a nation.

https://www.dailysignal.com/2016/04/22/how-christianity-helped-create-our-american-democracy/

Clear spiritual concepts, precepts, along with solid Philosophy and such matter, matter to nations, governance of nations, they also matter to our own lives, governance of our own lives.  These concepts, precepts of the difference between the sacred, and profane, liberty and enslavement etc.. all have spiritual and philosophical origins.  These origins are what spark people to say NO MORE tyranny of a minority or a majority imposing on a nation, or on a single life.  At the same time when properly heeded and understood, discerned they also help us to understand and control life led purely by raw need and emotion, without regards for consequences, without regards to anything but the raw emotion, raw need.  Founders understood that without that constraint of clear unified spiritual and philosophical principles guiding one and all in some way in the form of the Constitutional Republic, the nation would go down the tubes financially, morally, ethically. in every way, and we are seeing it.  The same goes for our lives, having that set compass of values, morals etc..striving to live by them benefits not only us and our children, but society as a whole.  I hope it is a lesson we all learn and quickly for the sake of a nation, perhaps many nations.  

Amen

Healthy Boundaries 5 and 6

Bouundary Signs

Knowing our boundaries is important, very important, why?  We can’t know when your sense of self, your boundaries physical, emotional, spiritual, ethical etc.. have been violated if we don’t even know what those boundaries are.  One of the reasons I am going to be doing seminars on discerning Values, Moral, Character and all that is so people can come to understand what our boundaries are or need to be, what boundaries we need to create.  Defining, acknowledging and then with gestures, facial expressions, firm wording, clear wording can all be ways to make boundaries clear to others, once we have defined them ourselves, and when we have been crossed. No seems to sometimes be a tough word to utter, to speak, but if we realize our body is your sacred vessel, a gift, even when it goes wonky, because it holds the essence of us, our spirit, soul, your consciousness, emotions, experiences, lessons learned etc.., maybe not so tough to say no.  Saying to what is not healthy, what is disrespectful to that truth matters, so if someone tries to push us to violate your own boundaries, well being, they are not a friend and it is not love.   We have to be, with great faith  and  a strong spiritual core the gatekeepers to our boundaries, to the sacred vessel that is us.  I also would love for us to contemplate this from Rumi:

Rumi If You Want the Moon

Namaste, Shalom and Amen

Unhealthy Boundaries 5 and 6

Bouundary Signs

Every heart the phrase “familiarity breeds contempt”, well if you are meeting people for the first time, you need to assess their level of comfort in connecting to people and at what pace.  Sometimes it’s geographical or cultural.  Latin Americans, those from the Islands tend to be expressive, open, as do Italians, whereas Mid-West Americans are not as expressive and not likely to give you a big hug and have that same larger than life persona that these other groups might have.  There may also be a religious component, if the person is of a particular faith, how you relate especially initially to women, to those you first meet may have certain protocols, so the intimacy levels of any first or initial meetings can be dictated by any number of factors, which need to be respected.  There is also personal dignity, having personal dignity and respect.  What about connection, can a connection be unhealthy? Yes, it can be.  Any connection in our lives can be unhealthy if it becomes all-consuming,  or if rather than helping us grow as a person during the relationship in a way that we are realizing our full potential, we are creating a beautiful life with that person as a partner in the journey, then great.  If that relationship takes over our lives, so we give up work, time with friends etc.. repeatedly, it becomes the center of our breathing, existing etc.., not healthy.  In any relationship there has to be balance, it can’t be your be all end all of things.  In all things, balance!  Always let us remember that word, balance!

First Buddhist Healing Circle

duality-human-nature-11601507

I participated in my first Buddhist healing circle yesterday, which discussed Pain vs Suffering and of course in Western culture, we make them one and the same, but in Buddhist Darma, they are not.  A great analogy was given of We are the Sky and Everything Else is the Weather. 

The sky is always the sky, it is this vast canvass of stars etc.., it’s fixed, the sky is always there, we look up there it is, here we are, this body, spirit and soul, this being.  Everything that happens within us, around us aimed at us is the seasons, the weather, the planets, stars doing their thing.  How it is.  When we have clouds that signal rain etc.. or when it is raining etc.. we can ignore it, get really angry, go out into the rain etc..anyway no umbrella, no boots nothing, just pretend it’s warm and sunny and ignore what is.  That’s foolish, not very healthy either.  On the other hand, you can’t lock yourself in all winter terrified of the weather or possible meteorites or whatever.  What do you do?  You surrender, surrender to the fact that we have seasons, we have rain, snow all of that and you adapt, adjust your life, lifestyle seasonally accordingly.  Same with illness, loss of loved ones,  different difficult situations, not to say you make light of it, you don’t get angry and all that.  Rather than running around like a lunatic trying to get it all fixed overnight, stay with the pain, anxiety, anger etc.. in that moment, acknowledge it, accept it, process it, and ask it “Constructively, what do you need?”  Sitting with that, having that acknowledgement, processing, acceptance etc.. of this is where things are at, even if they suck, is an important part of the long term healing process, and acknowledging that we are mortal, not immortal, to appreciate what we have, even when things change, we feel things are taken from us.  It was a positive experience and I will be participating in more of Jeff Rubins online and in person healing circles.

Namaste, Shalom, and Amen

Healthy Boundaries 3 and 4

Bouundary Signs

Staying focused on your own personal growth and maintaining personal values are both important parts of maturity.   When we are working to grow as a person, as a professional, or if we are working to recover from some form of trauma, addiction etc…  Some think it might be selfish to focus on that, and I am not saying neglect the world and family etc.. and be narcissistic about it, or be so rigid you cut yourself off from anyone not remotely thinking as you do. However, taking the necessary time to work through what you need to work through, to realize your potential, gifts, talents, so on and so forth, in balance with everything else so you are a holistic person, living a holistic life is a good thing.  If you make bread and one side is all flat, but the other is all puffed up, doesn’t quite look right to people, does it, they expect a nicely well-rounded loaf, or an evenly braided loaf, right?  It’s the same with us, we need to be like that bread, not lopsided.  As we make our journey in life it’s important to maintain solid ethical and integrity boundaries so that we can trust ourselves and others can trust us consistently.  Without those consistent boundaries, we have precious little to offer with our talents, our gifts etc..It’s those values so cherished that can guide us in a crisis, that define us in a crisis, make certain we don’t sway like the palm trees, but stand firm in truly doing what is right for the long term good of all, and also what is the responsible thing to do for the good of all long term, even as we work through stuff, realize our dreams, so on and so forth. 

Namaste, Shalom and Amen

Unhealthy Boundaries 3 and 4

Bouundary Signs

Instagram and people in my sphere, I’ve noticed have boundary issues.  They seem to have a problem, some of them, with understanding boundaries, personal space and all that, stay out of my personal physical space, and hands to yourself buddy boy.  Instagram, I’ve had guys request to follow me and immediately ask about my personal life, some immediately got really personal really fast, not okay.  Others started immediately, or almost immediately declaring their love, and being very insistent about it, even sending videos.  Of course, it’s hogwash.  You don’t fall madly in love with someone not really just by seeing a photo or a video they posted on Instagram.  Insisting on knowing about my family, intimate details about my life from the get-go when you don’t know me is crossing into my personal space way too fast.  It’s important to notice, be aware of what one’s boundaries are online, what is permissible, what is out of bounds?  That needs to be clear in you from the get-go, so you can make it clear to those you interact with online.  What about offline?  Even offline, even people you know, who are adults and should know better can cross boundaries, not seem to grasp the personal space thing and really invade your personal space, so a hug that is too tight, that lingers too long, hands accidentally going to where they shouldn’t, a comment that is not really appropriate, especially if the person is close to the family, things like that and it may not initially seem like anything to start a war over, and sometimes one can just deal with it by a stern word or two directly to the person.  Again, one needs to be clear on personal space, personal boundaries, your body, personal space are your temple.  What about time? Time is another precious gift we are given by the creator and people need to respect other people’s time, so constantly showing up at the office, at one’s home unannounced is lack of respect, but often people don’t realize it.  Monopolizing a person’s time, that’s not very respectful.  Are we being aware of how we spend time, how we value not only our time but that of others?  We should be.  Awareness is key, we need to be aware of boundaries in terms of personal space, of respect for the body, of time, all very important.  If we are not aware of and have clear boundaries, then we cannot protect those boundaries.  Establishing is the first step and I hope with the new year we all establish very clear boundaries.

Namaste, Shalom and Amen

New Beginnings

New New Beginnings.jpg

As the new year begins I embark on a plan for what I will do, goals set for my faith life, wellness, career, all of it.  I would love it all to be smooth sailing, but then I recall Christ at Calvary and why He gave his life for me.  This poem is something I need to keep in mind because I am far from perfect, except perfect in Christ, but not in myself.  I can’t do what I have often done which is not move forward because of being so fearful of screwing it up “again”, thinking I had to do it all perfectly, be perfect, and of course when I couldn’t feeling really lousy and doing something really dumb, that did not honor myself as a woman, as a person.  I have to remember that I have a guide book, the ability to meditate, to discern choices, decisions etc.., and no I won’t always get it right, but with keeping a balance between my head and my heart I think I will have a shot at getting right often enough, and when I don’t I pick myself up, get back on that horse and keep going.  One thing I do hope is that when I do discern, it’s not a thick-headed “what I want and my way” decision, but truly what the Holy Spirit guides me to.  Human nature being what it is, there will be times when the thick-headed have it my way will win and I will convince myself it’s the Holy Spirit “speaking” when it’s me actually.   New year, new opportunities, and hopefully greater discernment. 

Namaste, Shalom and Amen

Healthy Boundaries I and II

Bouundary Signs

Appropriate trust and one step at a time to intimacy sound like a good plan, and I say this from experience of not having understood this sooner and had heartache as a result.  My dad walked out when I was about 7 and when I would go visit it was all about making me think mom was the bad one, then during the week with mom, I’d be told how they were the bad guys.  My cousins on dad’s side when I would go visit dad on the weekends he was supposed to have me, were not always kind to me.  One of the things that happened to me was that I didn’t always understand the importance of step by step intimacy.  I made some not so great choices in terms of relationships and all that, even in how I approached relationships.  What would I look for now in terms of an intimate relationship?  How would I go about it?

I realize that for me to have a sold life partner relationship, I need to be authentically myself, but I also have to understand that a relationship really is a journey, a journey of friendship, getting to know people on different levels, and then take things to an intimate level.  I need to set boundaries for myself, to understand that my dad walking out on me does not determine my self worth or anything like that.  Others often will act with respect for us, based on how we act for respect to ourselves, so if we immediately start sharing everything about our lives and start seeking intimacy right away without trying to know the person, what is that saying about respect for self, for boundaries?  Not much.  I am realizing that with friendship, with romantic relationships it’s really a matter of respect for everyone to engage people in a process and build a relationship.   I hope that as I start to meet new people, as I go to the community center and engage in some light yoga, and work on wellness and spiritual growth that I will remember that relationships are a journey, a process, based on building blocks and you shouldn’t rush through or bulldoze through with intimacy and all that.

Namaste, Shalom, and Amen

Tough Love, OY!

lonely evneing road

As I stand firm in my objection to the immigrant caravans and all that, some would say I am being heartless, how can I turn away people in need.  One is supposed to love unconditionally, right? Well, yes and no.  If I love my fellow man, my family, friends, then I am going to want that is best for them and I am going to hold them accountable for their actions, no matter how much I empathize with their plight.  When these migrants come with their children or send their children off with a practical stranger, even their teens, putting them at risk of death and God knows what other dangers, I am going to call them out for irresponsible parenting.   I am going to call out those who claim to be social justice warriors and who are aiding in this trafficking of human beings, the politicians who have not had the guts to radically reform our immigration system because businesses want to exploit cheap labour and the consumers want cheap goods.  To blame the government for enforcing laws and borders, national sovereignty is insane, to blame the government when a child dies in border patrol custody in the middle of the desert, after you the parent took this child on this dangerous journey is also insane.  The organizers of the caravans must take responsibility for encouraging these dangerous treks, migrant parents must take responsibility for the rape, death of their children, as they took them on this perilous journey or sent them on it in the hands of unscrupulous people. Then there are the government officials of those countries, what have they done? Why have they not taken responsibility to create strong democratic, capitalist republics free of violence and gangs, where their people can prosper?  

If I truly love my fellow man and am truly Christian, truly seek social justice and Biblical truth then I won’t support anything that is in violation of the law, and I won’t support anything that puts my fellow man in danger, especially children, such as these dangerous caravans, these dangerous treks, or easy to cross borders that allows for the trafficking of drugs.  Love is not always about saying yes, love is also about saying NO.  It is about saying I won’t support your actions, you endangering others, your own children.  It may seem like I am being harsh and uncaring, but I am not, as a matter of fact, I am loving enough to say “NO MORE, ENOUGH”  I am saying NO to any activity that puts people in danger on both sides of the border. Sometimes, even if unpopular and even if it seems like you are being harsh, you have to love enough to say “NO, NO MORE, ENOUGH!”.

Shalom and Amen