Healthy Relationships

Healthy Relationships.jpg

If we want a model for what a healthy relationship looks like mutually in addition to the Bible that a relationship is kind, patient etc…this is also a model to go with that for us to consider.  I am going to be meditating on those two models for all my relationships to personify these two models, the Bible model and this one.   

Amen

 

Online Potentials and Perils

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Like many things in life the Internet has its’ yin and yang, potentials, and perils so to speak. Instagram is an example of that.  I have had several gentleman follow me after posting videos to promote my blog, my music. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind interacting with fans once in a while, but these guys don’t seem to come in with a lot of maturity.   You have those that are like a bull in a china shop as the saying goes and immediately bombard you with personal questions, or those who immediately start calling you sweetheart, honey, babe, all this stuff, which is not appropriate unless you two are officially a couple for some time or are engaged. Then you have those who start off seeming nice enough, great, then after a few chats declare their love, are ready to upheaval their life for you, move to the ends of the earth for you.  They don’t know your background, your history, anything about your life, family, and you have not verified anything about them, their background etc…, yet they are declaring forever their love and wanting a commitment.   That is not realistic, definitely not a sign of maturity.  You can look at a photo, see someone’s videos online, all that and love certain qualities that come across, their eyes, their smile, you can feel something sparked, not saying you can’t, and when you talk online, chat you might feel very much at ease with them and they with you.  That does not constitute being in love or that the relationship is solidified in any substantial way.  Relationships take some time to build, you have to seek common ground, really know you will be there for each other through thick and thin, and all of that takes time, takes spending actual face to face time with each other.  Knowing a person past and present is not done in a few chats, falling in love, real Agape, and beyond love is not done in just a few chats.  Also, if someone is going to make any choices in life about changing anything in their life, it has to be for them, not you as the reason to run from where they are at now.  When any relationship on line is attempted to move at the speed of lightening to “love you to the end of time” or anything like that and they want a firm commitment of partnership, commitment, red flag.  For me anyway, I promised myself and God that when and if I were to make that solemn commitment it would be made with maturity, deliberation, prayer etc.., and the person would be one of like mind, goals and also one of maturity.  One can be spontaneous and still have maturity, but there is a difference between mature spontaneity and immature impulsiveness.  It’s important to know the difference. 

I am  open to love and marriage all of that, even through Instagram, but it has to be with a person who has a certain level of maturity and of course a MAGA Patriot, one of like mind.  If I sense any red flags I need to pay attention.

Amen

Still With You

I Am Still With You

As I watched the Capitol 4th Celebration on TV and they mentioned 9/11, I thought of the dreams I had had that week about people jumping out of buildings, buildings on fire, funerals, crazy dreams that made no sense at the time and that morning just before the alarm was set to ring, shortly before I had a dream with my Nanna, dad’s mom telling me, go back to sleep, stay in bed, it’s not your time to go.  I didn’t understand, but my gut said, listen to Nanna.  When the alarm rang and mom came to wake me up at 8:15 or so I said no, Nanna said to stay in bed, not time to go and I refused to go to the appointment. Well if II had I would have been in the Towers. 

Was it my Nanna? Was it God sending an angel in my dreams taking shape as Nanna so I would listen and not go that day? The theology really of it didn’t matter, still really doesn’t matter.  What did and does is that God was with me, felt I needed to be here, had something to do with my life, now granted fibromyalgia hit and hit hard, and I have had a winding journey to get to the understanding that I love inspiring and coaching whether directly or through the arts, but still.  It also as I remembered this and my dad, different people, realized they never leave us, their memory, even if there was family turmoil and they were not in our lives long, they never leave us.  I didn’t see Nanna after I was 10 years old, and my dad I was ten when I last saw him alive and then saw him again in a casket.  People may not be with us physically, but they don’t ever leave us, what they said, taught us, memories created, all of that crops up at times, depending. We are shaped by those in our lives, our interactions etc…I need to take a look at that for myself, my own life.

There is someone else who is always with us, the one who created us, He, the Word Made Flesh, and the Spirit of Counsel, and as I re-learn about our nation, it’s birth, different events that gave birth to us, to the USA, I know that to be true.  Never forget we are never alone, though people may forsake us, the Trinity and Heavenly hosts do not.  Amen

 

What Makes Friendship Unbreakable

Widing Road

Friendship, a beautiful thing.  There are friendships that last a lifetime.  What makes that possible.  I have been thinking about that, about what would make a friendship that is really deep and would last a life time. 

First thing I think is a similar worldview, shared values, some synchronicity and synergy.  What else, is that all?  No. Those things may change over time to some degree, so there also has to be the ability to accept change, and sometimes if one has very deeply held views on issues, that is not easily done.  There also has to be the ability to discuss a range of issues without getting into an all out war, which again, if either or both of you are very passionate about the issue may be tricky.  You also have to able to tell it to each other as you see it and accept it.  That is not always easy.  If one of you has very strong intuitive spiritual tendencies and stuff strongly comes up, you and you are a very strong personality by nature, you find you can’t not just say what you sense. That can create friction, so navigating that added element can be like sitting on a bomb and not having it go off, not moving so it doesn’t go off so to speak.  There are many nuances to friendship, for it to last a life time, so many levels of dance and sometimes one of you will trip durning this beautiful dance and there is no recovery. 

I have also realized that I really never had the friendships, not more than one or two that were really of great depth, and those of these that were couldn’t withstand my personality, as I can be rather passionate in my opinions, viewpoints, and also expressing what I intuitively pick up, strongly pick up.  When anyone picks up stuff intuitively or gets info in a dream, it is not that absolutely it will happen, but when you keep sensing that strongly or have a recurring dream of it in regards to yourself or your life, it’s telling you, take a look at what is going on so you don’t end up there or take care of something because this is a looming possibility.  In friendship, any relationship people find it hard to deal with this, especially since I am not one to back down just for the sake of keeping the peace.  That I am realizing has impacted my relationships.  I realize I need find a way to change some dynamics, while still honoring my views and also the intuitive impressions I receive.  I do need to check into a regular group meditation practice and such because that I believe will be of help. The dance of relationship, of friendship is one that I realize requires balance and I need to find that balance within so I can have it externally in my relationship with others.  I don’t want superficial relationships, I don’t need many either.  I do want a few that are truly deep connections and are lifetime ones, so I need to be myself the type of person that embodies someone that others would want to have such a friendship with. As I make my way through this course of being my own coach, interesting insights emerge. 

Amen

How To Have Total Peace, Mean Total

Peaceful Retreat

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https://www.concertwindow.com/187147-kappelloarts

Total Nirvana, total peace 24/7, bliss 24/7, no cares, no worries, no criticism, just pure bliss 24/7, sounds good, ahhhhhh. Okay, well if you can purchase a holodeck contraption, create this perfect place, never leave, with ya!   Long time ago a wise philosopher said this ” There is only one way to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” , basically you would have to cease to be.  We don’t live as robots, and we don’t all have the same experiences, so we won’t see things the same way, not even within our own family.  Sometimes because of childhood stuff or stuff that happened in our younger years may be always or frequently engaging in Conflict avoidance, will avoid any kind of conflict, even to the point of making any decisions in one’s own life, or taking a stand on anything.  The problem is if you are in that category, then you will just go anywhere your emotions lead you in that moment, or where the cultural tide is going in that moment. 

Let’s look at inner conflict, which I think can be often the root to outer conflict.  Relationships, do we stay or go, do we stay in the safety of what is or pursue a path that in our heart of hearts we know is one much happier for all in the long run, those kind of choices can be a cause for inner conflict.  Relationship choices without fullness of information or context, so that you have a nagging something in the back of your mind, though you have a strong pull to them.  Since you don’t really know them, have not taken the time to know them etc.. not all the pieces of the puzzle are there, so it’s not a fully informed decision, a rushed one, maybe there are certain red flags that are very obvious to friends, family, even to you subconsciously, but you are ignoring them.  This is true in any kind of relationship, or decision, even professional ones.  There is also the inner conflict as you make your spiritual journey.  I firmly embrace the Bible the layers of truth it has to teach including metaphysical, not that we are God, or can be Gods or anything like that, but on a philosophical level, on an esoteric level, as well as the practical applications, as it did for creating the Republic, our Republic.  There are very practical applications, even an understanding of human nature to be gained.  I also embrace Jesus as Personal Messiah, one who if I can truly have a relationship with, truly understand his teachings, that of the Apostles, in context of the the OT, it can be very beneficial.  However, I also want to learn about meditation techniques, and Zen meditation, Zen philosophy.  Will that sit well with everyone in my circle, no. Could that bring me inner conflict?  It could if I let it, if I allow myself to get caught up in that storm, up to me. If I have the mindset that if you even try to challenge me on this, it’s war, well then it is war, going to be war.  I have set up my heart, spirit and soul, but at the same time my elderly mom has health issues, so if I were to engage in such a war with those closest to us, that would hurt her.  You see how my inner conflict would have a ripple effect and become a conflict beyond my own inner world.  Inner war can create all kinds of ripples in the pond, though that does not mean you don’t stand up for yourself or what you believe in.  However, one of the things that I myself am working on is what size stone to throw in the pond at the time, so I don’t cause a tsunami. Conflict within is often the first line of conflict, even in the career arena.  You may feel divided loyalties if you see something that does not seem kosher, part of you is feeling that you should speak up, but that part is in conflict with the part that feels you have bills to pay, family to support, don’t blow it, lay low.  If you get tense etc…, starts to create friction in the workplace with others, so inner conflict unresolved will still find a way to manifest and create issues.  Remember the adage, “Physician heal thyself”, always.

Inner conflict, aligning our heart spirit and soul need to be the first order of things because until we do that, we can’t find harmony with the external.  Those three aspects of self have to resolved, aligned etc.., then external conflicts can more easily be resolved. 

Shalom and Amen

Communion and Union with Miracles

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Yesterday was my cousin’s son’s First Communion and as I participated in the celebration after in her home, though I had not been able to attend the service due to a fibro crash, I realized why ritual, even if it’s a daily blessing from parent to child, a meditation for 5 minutes morning and night matter and as I was relaying what was going with my life the annoying fibromyalgia stuff, but also the great stuff artistically I realized these rituals matter for a few reasons, even if you are not an overly religious person..

  • Remind us of something other than our own tine self, and our own tiny wold, that hey there are others around and out there
  • Sacred boundaries to always consider in life and living, not saying live so guilty all the time you have a breakdown, no, cause that’s not constructive
  • helps us to reflect on where we are, where we have been and where we are going, would like to go, unless you are going to go into self pity mode, waste of time
  • It helps us to appreciate friends, family, as imperfect as they are, including our parents, oh what you thought you were so perfect, huh, since when?
  • Hopefully it helps us to love more, even within boundaries

Do we always get along with those we love and do they always get along with us?  Do we always like each other?  Hell no! In those rituals we find hopefully a frequency of miracles, of forgiveness of self and those within our circles because guess what, we are no pearl, angel, or saint, not 24/7and there are times when we are not that endearing to them, just like they are not to us.  However, in these rituals, celebrations, prayerful, even meditative ro, we can find healing, reconciliations and miracles if we so choose.

 

Love, Not Perfect? Huh?

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We all see the movies, the TV Shows, have read the romance novels and yes those sparks flying at first sight and that continue at second, third, fourth, even fifth sight do exist.   When you tell someone a relationship takes work, it might scare them, but what does all this mean?  Think about anything you really care about long term, what do you do, whether it’s a talent, a vocation etc…, what do you do?  You take time to cultivate it, put energy into it, cherish, honor and respect it.  If you have a band, team you work with, well you figure out how to harmonize, synchronize.  The same goes with love, a relationship, even when sparks fly between you at first or fifth or even the 100th sight.  If one person has to maybe in the beginning make more an a logistics effort to be with the other, they do it.  If a bold move is required, bold not overly aggressive pounce dumb scare the person, then you go a bit bold, even if it’s a bit out of your conform zone.  Remember to honor, cherish the bond, even that spark, those fireworks that fly between you, make sure that there are sacred boundaries, that in all relationships the way it is approached and unfolds is something that is organic, yet at the same time there is that effort put forth to make it happen when you have meditated etc.. and truly have been given spiritual discernment heart, spirit and soul that that relationship, partnership has a green light.  Then forward and onward my friends whether a personal relationship or vocational one, and always with spiritual inner guidance and wisdom.   

Shalom and Amen

Change or Inspire to Change?

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We have heard it said that love can move mountains and change a person, but is that accurate to say, in other words can you really force anyone to change, make anyone change, force life, people  to go in a direction contrary to the direction it is anointed to go in?   Should you for that matter?  When we think of transforming lives, persons for the greater good, or even society, very noble, but can we really force change, and is that a good thing always?  We see the change of subjective truth, reality and morality, society forcing change on this front and what that has done to society, family.  Even at the individual level, if you want a person to change their behavior patterns, negative ones, destructive ones, is the best way to push and try and force it, or to be a positive example of what a happy, healthy, life of constructive, wise, sacred wisdom choices looks like?  There are some things we need to consider before jumping in to automatically change someone overnight and an article  I came across, a few of them really stood out to me.  

Outlook, we have different outlooks and viewpoints that are sometimes based on our life experiences, which might be vastly different and so it might be a good idea if we tried to understand why that other person views the world as they do.  If their family has come from a history and personal experience of constant persecution, they might see a boogey man around every corner.  We might think it’s silly, but not to them, so understanding that might help to figure out an approach.  Motivation, what’s your motivation?  Do you want them to change because you genuinely want what’s best for them, or a selfish ulterior motive? might want to check that because motive matters.  The energy you are putting into trying to change them by force will only take away from any progress you could be making with yourself and your life, which could be an example to them, which cold inspire change.  You’ve heard the saying “Be careful what you wish for”.  Well, if you don’t understand why they see it as they do, have a very selfish motive for wanting to see changes in their lives etc…you may end up with changes that you then find are not what you expected and you may end up regretting having forced changes.  Any change, transformation has to come from within.  That doesn’t mean you can’t inspire through words, actions etc.. in your own life, but any change anyone makes, even your own kids, it has to come from within, from their own free will.  Pray, meditate, be a great example, admit also when you screw up, but also be an example of growing , learning, changing for the better.  That is the best way we can change anyone and by setting boundaries of what behavior we will and will not tolerate in our lives.  Be an example, don’t force, manipulate, just live and have clear boundaries that won’t waiver.

Shalom and Amen

Love, Freedom and Home

Freedom and Home You FInd

One of the beautiful lessons that I hope comes with age is that you can’t make anyone love or like you, that my friends is futile.  Either you will be their cup of tea or you won’t and same goes with others, once you have had some time to know them.  Some people, well they just light up a room when they enter, have a really impacting personality more than others.  That’s okay. 

Love you come to realize, even the romantic kind on which you build a life long companionship, or that in families is a gift, never coerced, shouldn’t be and is never gained through deceit or anything like that.  Love that is truly love is given and received very naturally, very organically, no need to feel guilt about it, or coerced and it truly does feel heart, spirt and soul a place of safety, feels like home.  That’s been something I have to come to understand, love is a gift, the right person, right union etc… has to be one that is a free exchange of effort, time, energy etc… mutually and it mutually feels like home.  Otherwise, it’s not a pure and true love, not a healthy love or relationship.  Sometimes we do have to go through a few wrong ones or a long stretch of an unhealthy one in life to realize this, just the way it is.  Hopefully sooner rather than later we realize it and we see that love if not given freely, joyfully etc… is not love and if that relationship does not feel totally safe and like home, not a good one.  We tend to want the constant rush of excitement, and while I absolutely believe that a physical attraction matters, that having a great connection on different levels matters, again if the love can not mutually, is not mutually given fully, freely, it is a healthy love and it can not be home.  Home, true home safe, vibrant, joyful and warm is where we should all want to be.

Amen

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The Fading Away

night sky and stars

 

As I look around and as I look at life I see, what do I see?

I see vague memories,

Flower in a book of long ago, a fabric of a favorite dress,

Now faded, so you can’t quite tell the color that it once was.

I see faded parchment, paper that now is yellowish, delicate to the touch,

Stars that are no longer shining in the sky,

Day that goes into night,

And night that goes into day.

That is what I see.

 

Just as these things fade in life,

I have seen people fade out and away,

Bonds that one thought were deep and strong,

They slowly faded until they were but a distant memory.

In some cases it was because truth was spoken that could not be accepted,

In others, who knows, one day suddenly there was silence,

No particular incident or reason, just silence.,

Day into night, night into day, a fading away.