Jealousy and Anxiety Hand in Hand

Emotions and Meaning

Jealousy and anxiety go hand in hand, stemming from a place of low self esteem, of uncertainty and feeling that power is lacking, control is lacking, that sense of something is lacking within me, my life, my persona.  The greater the sense of lack within, the greater the anxiety, thus the greater the jealousy.  Here is the thing, if someone else has a happy life, so it seems, how do you know what you are seeing externally is what is going on internally with them, their lives.  How often after a suicide or a homicide are people stunned and do we hear, they seemed to to have it all.   Jealousy because of what others have, have achieved doesn’t really fit because you don’t know truly what is going on behind closed doors, you should be focused on your path, not focusing your friggin energy on someone else’s path and business because the energy spent on jealousy could be better spend taking inventory one’s own life, to change one’s life and realize one’s own potential etc…  If jealousy is an issue with any of us, we need to stop living someone else’s life, get our own life in order, and if a relationship is dead, can’t re revived, really dead in the water, a career is dead in the water, either is bringing only misery, then for goodness sake we need to figure out how to have the guts to make changes to get out of that and create our own happy life, but don’t envy those who have created theirs!! We need to get a backbone, get whatever mentoring etc.. is needed to get a happy, healthy, prosperous etc.. life for ourselves, deal with your insecurities, cry them out over a few weeks if you have to, and realize we are a loved child of God, even He looks at your choices and lift His hands up in despair, shakes His head,  rolls His eyes and goes “Oye, what are you doing?” and have redemption in Rebbe Messiach Yeshua, a  Chaver, a friend.

Shalom and Amen  

Latest on My Journey

soaring eagle

What’s the latest on this journey from lost to found?  I have a new song out and I am moving along very nicely with my Universal Class courses, have only two more classed to go in the Self Hypnotherapy class and four in the coaching yourself class  I should be done with that by the end of next month.  I will start my next class this week once I am done with the hypnotherapy class, which is Lifetime Wellness.    One of the things I am drawn to is how to use the Wellness Wheel and Biblical Teaching in my work as a Coach, something the Holy Spirit is calling me to do.  I think I will figure that out in my working with and train with the Holistic Learning Center staring in the Fall or early Winter.  I am also volunteering online for now, hopefully also offline starting in 2019 for LiveYour Dream Foundation  Life is moving along and God willing and my tenacity strong, by next year I will be a freelance, Holistic Lifestyle Coach and will have the funds coming in so I can do quality production of my spoken word pieces and really make a path for myself successfully also as a healing spoken word artist. I will also be checking out an evangelical church that I think could become home.

That is what the journey has brought so far.  I will keep you posted.

Where Do I Focus?


I could focus on poetry, spoken word or song, do both, but which might have the most impact?  The more I delve into the self coaching course and self hypnotherapy course, the more I realize that my life is not about me really, but how my gifts can impact the lives of others for the greater good, their greater good and my greater joy.  Of course I have to earn a living, as there are bills in life to pay, but besides that, the core of what I do, I really have to think about why I do it, why I want to do it.

I love to write, to sing, so recite, all of that is something I love to do.  I also have to be quite realistic, and I know people in the creative field don’t like that word, realistic, but in life you have to be a bit realistic and practical at the same time that you dream and are creative.  They have to go hand in hand, so with that in mind, I have a decision to make about my creative path, and it seems to me that poetry, the spoken word can have a huge impact when read with intent, with heart and soul.  The coaching, that’s another aspect I have to figure my focus more clearly on, and am getting there.

Is it Really Love and Compassion?

Sin Costs You

Sin is missing the mark, that’s what it is.  There are boundaries, lines one should not cross etc… and when they are crossed, and destruction comes to a person, to society, when that crossing of lines, boundaries, morally, ethically etc.. brings pain, heartache, destruction etc… the mark has been missed, sin has occurred.  We can even do wrong for the “right” reasons.  In Ireland they passed a vote in favor of Gay Marriage, now Abortion, they did it out of “compassion” and “social justice”, in their mind, the mind of those who apparently were devout, knew the teachings, devout church going Catholics, were doing the right thing because it was showing compassion, social justice.  Oye!

As a parent one has to make tough decision, same goes if you have elderly parents.  They don’t always like it when you get tough for their own good, but you have to, for their own good.  If a child or a teen decide they want to engage in actions, behaviors that are destructive, or self destructive, even on the surface, even if we think they might be, would we just sit back and let them engage in those activities, actions?  If a teen decides, I lost my favorite parent, time to exit this world stage left, or an older parent, grandparent decides they are tired of the doctors, pills, that portable oxygen tank, time to chuck it all in and be in peace, they tell us they plan on exiting tonight, have it all planned.  Do we decide that the compassionate thing to do is let them do it, because well don’t want them to be sad or inconvenienced etc.., so okay, let me be compassionate and let you exit stage left? Don’t think so.  If I see you running into the street in the middle of a bunch of cars do I just let you do that because well you are so distraught about how your life is going right now, do yeah let me be compassionate and let you end the pain by running head long into the cars, splat. Seriously do I?

Sin is the same thing.  If one is truly a person of deep faith, os scriptural truth, then standing back and being “compassionate”, letting people move in patterns of spiritual self destruct, in that modality is not compassion.  Staying silent, supporting the life of sin is not compassion, it’s being complicit in the destruction of the soul of another.  How is that compassion?  How is that love?  Those who turn a blind eye, who vote to legalize sin etc.. are not being compassionate, and are not being true to scripture, are not at all showing courage to stand with Christ.  What does he say about that?  He says those who deny him he will deny, when they say we did this in your name, he will reject them as vipers.  He doesn’t want just a show on Sunday, he wants a show of courage every day, standing up for scriptural truth, moral truth, and even to recognize when someone has made a turn around, and has embraced him and is now a new creature in Christ.  Is it a lot to ask, may seem so, but with prayer and meditation, assistance of the heavenly hosts, Holy Spirit, not really. It’s not too hard, not really.



Ask and Ye Shall Receive, OK


Many of the things that have occurred with friend, family I have foreseen in my dreams, even stuff with my own life.  I have asked always the Creator of our amazing universe etc.. to lead me home spiritually, to show me where I am to be, and I admit I have a strong rebellious streak, so I am not always the most cooperative daughter when the Lord communicates.  I have been resistant to the Roman Catholic Church, think mainly as I said as a rejection of my childhood roots in a way, I have had this love-hate relationship not with the Holy Trinity etc.., but the Church, the bureaucracy, and because it is the faith of my family, and that relationship has always been rocky on all sides.  What do do?

I could Just go the Protestant route right or spiritual, not religious, right. I have tried that, done that. Here’s the thing, when I meditate and ask for the truth, truth of scripture, of where God’s true home is, I keep having dreams of being in a Roman Catholic Cathedral being blessed and cleansed with incense.  I have been fighting even in these dreams that no, I don’t do religion, bureaucracy all that jazz, that I have areal issues with this liberal progressive nutty Pope, so thanks but no thanks. The dreams keep on coming, so I have to decide with my receiving songs, poetry as I have through spur of the moment intuitive almost trance like moments, in the moment instincts that have been spot on, dreams foreseeing stuff in regards to my family, friends, myself, do I ignore these dreams, continue to stay away from the faith, the Roman Catholic Church, or do I stop rebelling, listen to message I keep getting? I believe in the bio ethics, pro life etc.. teachings not because I have to, because it’s my family’s faith, since a number of them are liberal, don’t honor the doctrines and true teachings, but because they are a beautiful truth of faith and reason that resonate.  I love Gregorian Chant Music, and when they have the Latin Mass, I find it absolutely beautiful.  I have a choice to make, keep rebelling, or surrender to the Holy Spirit, what I am being guided to, hmmm what will I do?  I will continue meditating, contemplating and perhaps say a rosary or two, attend Mass this week, or a Legion of Mary meeting with Rosary said during, see how that feels, that goes.  We shall see how I navigate this, we shall see.

Shalom and Amen

Why Feedback Matters.

Photo 2015-11-14 at 23.00

Number One Music allows me to send outa newsletter every 10 days and I recently sent one out and here are a few of the messages I have received.

Carolina:   “I never get bored this tune Even In The Greatest Storm. I love this tune so much and Thanks for producing this track.”

Pasquale  “hi I just have to say that you create a very good music and it appeals to a lot of people. I’ll be listening to you, I’ve just added your n1m page to my faves.”

Efrain: “hello you’re far too talented not to share what you can do with a vast audience and make a living from it –

I believe that ability shines through and that you’ve got plenty…”

Lesley “now THAT’s music ive been listening to this all day, seems like you can never get tired of it!”

One or two of the music blogs I submitted to the feedback was that the vocals, the accent threw them off though they liked the lyrics, but the melody was a bit too laid back for them.  On that track I didn’t do the vocals.  The feedback on any project we do, from a few different sources, provided we don’t take it personally as an attack on us, but rather feedback on the material can be very useful.  These comments and others tell me I am on the right track and if I look at which songs got the comments, what genre, style people are drawn to that I put out there, then I know what to focus on, so it helps me.  It also gives me encouragement to keep going, and hopefully the day comes that I can earn my daily bread with the music and coaching.  Feedback helps us to know where we are, what maybe we need to work on, focus on etc… and where to go from here.  In the creative business, or sales, it is not personal, though it feels like it at times, when what we put out there is not readily accepted by all, but not everything can be liked by everyone, or appreciated by everyone.  We need to keep that in mind and not take it personally.  Feedback is important in life.




Mother's Day Prayer.jpg

They say being a mom is the most mot unappreciated and underpaid job their is, well basically you don’t get paid and you have to wear a million hats.  As I’ve gotten older and observed a lot, I realize that is true.  A mom even on here not so great days, even if she is feeling lousy doesn’t get to call in sick, take a time out just because she doesn’t like doing what she is doing.  It really is often a thankless job, long hours, lousy pay, but at the same time if you are a mom of ethics, integrity etc… you have done something amazing, brought a new life into this world, shaped future generations, hopefully shaped them to be not snowflakes, not victim mentally snowflakes etc.., but strong, resilient etc… human being with a love of God, Family and Country.  Does that mean perfect, flawless, that their lives will turn out perfectly etc..,, no but hopefully you will have shaped a future general that will be an asset to society in all ways, shapes and forms.  That is a job that truly deserves a hole lot of thanks from all of us, so THANK YOU>

Jesus Vs Jesus, OY!

Jesus Vs Jesus.jpg

How many of us have had days or times when things gets so frazzled so confusing, we think, “I’m having an identity crisis”?  Well guess what Jesus has also been having an identity crisis and actually it has been going on since the time of his being on earth, but with the post modern world, his identity crisis amongst humanity has really gotten, crisis.   Full disclosure, I had my rebel period and went and got myself ordained online, did some studying online, and all that, had my Catholic Crisis period, my overall Christian Faith Crisis period.  If we look at the chart, we see that the biblical Jesus is not the same one of the post modern world, not that fluffy teddy bear, marshmallows around the fire, kumbaya etc.. kind of guy 24/7.  What about you, what does that have to do with your faith?  Do you hide, do you sugar coat your faith?  What is your core?  Having moments of crisis is not unusual when a trauma happens or something like that, so it’s not unusual to have moments of questioning, of needing to recharge the faith, one’s understanding of the faith, faith principles etc…  If we are to be faithful to scripture, then we can’t sugarcoat Christ or mold him into any modern version of anything.  We can’t do that to the faith principles that are to guide our day to day living, that guide ethics and integrity.    When we look at Jesus and what he taught, the apostles taught, even the philosophers, we have to look holistically, including what did they conclude at the end of their life.  I thought it might be interesting for you to see a list of Catholic Converts in history, includes Egyptian Royalty  I found it interesting the list and some of those on it.  I hope that they understood, even the more modern ones the difference between these two versions one might be presented with.  It matters, it matters because it will influence how we understand scripture, and every aspect of it, and living life.  I hope we all step back and take a right look at Jesus and his identity, because mistaken identity is never a good thing. Even in our own faith walk, we need to be clear and understand who we are, what our core faith is, have a clear identity in that.  I realized that very much as I realized just how repulsed I was at the mockery made of the faith of my my ancestors, of my heritage at the Met Gala and when people put forth this false picture of Christ in the name of modern Social Justice and Feminism.

Shalom and Amen

Happiness, Tips For the Journey PIV


We often see people accomplish a lot in their lives, who have lives a full and rich life, fulfilled their dreams and we think, wow they are superman or superwoman etc…, they are afraid of nothing.  That is a flawed vision of them, of anyone.  Fear, anxiety on some level, no one is immune to it.  What makes these people different than those who have not achieved etc.., well any number of factors could play a part, but one thing is probably how they responded to their fears, anxieties.   Even a performing artist who has been in the businesses for any number of years when they go out on that stage, record that next album have anxiety, so it’s not anxiety, fear etc… that is the problem.  If you have a dream of accomplishing something, rather than allow that fear, anxiety to dictate, allow yourself to push through and past that fear, find those who can wisely, not recklessly, but wisely support you on that journey.  Successful people even emotionally etc… don’t allow fear to dictate and rule their lives, they acknowledge it, work though and past it, and if adjustments have to be made because the concern is a truly valid one, then they are, but fear does not rule or dictate how life is lived.  Another element, something today’s generation of whiners, complainers, snowflakes don’t seem to get is the power of gratitude, even those who claim they are people of faith, the religious.  waking up in the morning with a Thank You for this day, and all the opportunities it brings, and ending it with Thank You for all it brought and taught can be very powerful.  Even a Thank You for this day and for all the help rendered now and forever.  One of the reasons prayer and meditation are part of a spiritual path and life is they allow you to take time to step back and re-connect to the divine, to a place of gratitude for life, gift of life etc..  These two tools are an important part of the day and I hope you will integrate them into yours.

Shalom and Amen