The Shadow Self, One We Run From

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Two more public figures lost to suicide, and many more that are not public figures lost each year. Many of us have aspects of our lives of self, maybe disappointments, things that we don’t always share with the world, even with our own family.  We all have in a sense a shadow self, wear a mask to some degree.  Who we are as a mom, sister, friend, how we act and behave in that context when we let loose with those people is not how we are and who we are at work, obviously, so we all have masks we have to wear to accomplish our goals and be effective in our work, as parents etc… However, sometimes the pain, the distortion of that pain etc… the wearing of that mask can run so deep, be so constant the person reaches a point where all they see is pain, darkness, an endless dark tunnel.  They feel there is nothing of hope etc… to grab on to that can compensate for the pain, sadness, the inadequacy they feel.  The Shadow lurks beneath the surface, bound by fear, shame and guilt.  It can be difficult to detect without conscious awareness, of the tricks that the self will do to keep the wounds from being exposed. Often these “weaknesses etc..” are repressed, pushed away, ignored, with the idea that if I can just achieve a great success, then another and another, if I can do all this outward stuff, then that will make all the inward okay.  Problem is that outward will never be enough, and you end up on a hamster wheel, going round and round, but going nowhere really, not emotional, not spiritually, not psychologically.   In those respects you are stuck in that place of a little girl or boy full of pain, anxiety, sadness, of “look at me, see me, and I’ll show you, show all of you, I am good, I am worthy”. It’s a treadmill that puts you to a point of total exhaustion with life, with everything until you can’t live anymore, literally and you give up.  You literally give up on life and decide life is to too heavy, it’s all too heavy and you find a permanent way out.  How do you not get to that point? First you acknowledge there is a conflict a shadow self etc.., face it, see it, look right into the mirror at it with a good mentor, a person or group that can really help you through the process.  It’s really important to be willing for all of us to work through our issues, not bury them, not pretend they don’t exist, for us not to wear a mask all the time, pretend it’s all okay when it is not.  Not saying be snowflakes go around crying and whining all the time, be paralyzed by life, no, but periodic self assessment and helping others to do the same is a good thing, working with people who can help with that, a trusted friend even is a good thing.  In a blog I came across on this subject three main steps were discussed for working with the Shadow self, hope this helps:  1. Be Kind to Yourself. To begin with,  be gentle with yourself. You’re not going to do any good by beating yourself up for the fact that you’re feeling down or enraged or anxious 2. Give Your Feelings a Voice.  Doesn’t mean you go into road rage or anything like that, but you experience it as it comes up.  You say “Ok, right now I’m….., then take deep breaths and breath through it.  3.  Physical Get the Energy Moving.  Don’t just sit there seething, get up, go for a walk, go for a jog, do something to move the energy around, and channel it constructively.  Don’t act like a brat, don’t throw wild tantrums that get you nowhere.  For you own well being, try to work with these three stops and God Bless.

Amen

Happiness, Tips For the Journey, PV

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When people think Wellness, different things may be said or come up, but if one asks a wellness coach, even a life coach or those involved in the field they will tell you and even from a common sense perspective people will tell you these are the aspects of it or at least give you some of what is on this list.  What do they all mean and what can we do in regards to wellness in these areas?

  • Emotional Wellness. …
  • Physical Wellness. …
  • Spiritual Wellness. …
  • Social Wellness. …
  • Intellectual Wellness. …
  • Occupational Wellness. …
  • Environmental Wellness.

Emotional wellness is important because without it functioning day to day is well difficult if not impossible in some cases.  This aspect of wellness is about the ability of awareness of and acceptance of our feelings, rather than deny them, having an optimistic approach to life, and enjoying life despite its occasional disappointments and frustrations.  How can you improve that aspect of life? Be aware of what you are feeling, don’t keep pushing it down, find constructive not destructive outlets for the frustrations etc..find guidance to help you discipline your reactions, don’t look for and expect perfection in anyone or in life, not there, not realistic, we are all flawed in some way, in decision we make at some point in life.  Physical wellness is a very individualized thing in some ways, and we need to find out what works for us, but we also can’t make our body our idol and our God, so while eating healthy and all that is a good thing, important, being obsessed with a perfect body, life etc… is very harmful, so one needs to watch for that.  Some such as myself end up having to see a nutritionist and for a period of time follow a particular diet to get the body back on track.  That’s okay.  We need to find out for our body what the right balance is of exercise and what foods work best for us, keeping in mind that sugars, salt certain things are not good for any of us and especially in larger quantities.  Sometimes a certified, well trained wellness or life coach can help you on this path, along with the right nutritionist.  These two aspects are an important beginning on the road to wellness. 

Shalom and Amen

Change in Date For Seminar

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Please Note the Change in Date for the Seminar:  Moving Through Fear:

New Date:  April 25th

Time: 1:00 pm-2:00pm

With this week being Easter and Passover and all I realized it would not be the best week to do this, so I have moved it to later in the month.  To receive the link to particpate you will have to make your contribution through paypal, provide the email you wish to have the hangout link sent to.  Suggested contribution of at least $10.00

 

Don’t Forget to Register for the 4th

Trinity

Don’t Forget to Register for the Google Hangout Live Seminar on April 4th .  If you are gong to attend you have to register, so please make your contribution to the seminar of whatever amount you feel comfortable with, suggested contribution $10.00.    The seminar will look at the following regarding fear:

  • Types 
  • Sources
  • Patterns
  • Moving Through Mechanism -False and Constructive
  • Meditation included for those who registered via paypal with their contributions, as it will be emailed to you, in the notes section be sure to include the email you wish it sent to.

I hope you will register for this seminar, which you will be able to access that day via https://calendar.google.com/event?action=TEMPLATE&tmeid=MXJiNXBvcDcybmthNXAxbjkzaGpwcTl1MHQgYXBwZWxsb2NvYWNoQG0&tmsrc=appellocoach%40gmail.com.     It would not be right if some contributed and others did not, so if you are going to participate, plase be consciencious and make a contribution of some amount.  That contribution will be your registration.  Please register by the 30th of this month.    

Thank You.

 

Color and Mood,Let’s Look Shall We?

Colror and Pyschology Wheel

If we look in scripture we see color associated with for example the priesthood, royalty, regalness, and seasons have colors, nature is all about a range of colors.  In winter people can get more depressed, less light, less, color.  Yet, too much sun and your skin burns and it can be deadly, so too much yellow, hmmm, not so good.  Too much darkness and depression will set in, so everything, even color has impact and I find it interesting what colors mean, what effect they can have on mood.  Interior decorators will use color to often give the appearance of more space to smaller apartments or rooms, or add color accents with rugs to do so.  How can we use color?

When decorating, if we have someone who has good taste to help us out and can work with the color wheel we might be able to create the perfect harmony of colors in the home, and same goes for our office if we have leeway in decorating.  What about wardrobe?  Let’s say you want to look savvy, sophisticated, but also vibrant, well maybe outfits for ladies that mix black with turquoise when going to work or to events, things like that.  If you want to bring creativity to your area if you are an artist, find a balance of two colors to bring out focus, but also creative flow, put decor around your space, artistic space or workspace. We can encourage others to do the same, friends, family, partners.  It seems to be an interesting area of consideration as regards moods and psychology, even for how we decorate our space, our wardrobe, accessories.  Don’t you think?

Shalom adn Amen

Don’t Forget to RSVP For the 4th

Peaceful Retreat

 

Don’t Forget to Register, to RSVP!!

Seminar:  Fear, Moving Through It

Day:  April 4th, 2018

Time: Noon -1:00 pm ( we may run a few minutes over if necessary

Suggested Investment:  $10

RSVP: paypal payment donation at bottom of page, please specify for o

Venue:  Google Hangout, link:  https://calendar.google.com/event?action=TEMPLATE&tmeid=MXJiNXBvcDcybmthNXAxbjkzaGpwcTl1MHQgYXBwZWxsb2NvYWNoQG0&tmsrc=appellocoach%40gmail.com

The seminar will discuss fear, types and roots of it, moving through it, techniques and this is just the first of a series of monthly seminars I plan to give.

 

Can’t Make You Whole

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We often seek others to make us whole, to make us feel whole, but that is not another person’s job, no human can really make you whole, or healed.  Another can be a catalyst, a prompt for that journey, but they can not heal you.  Only we can heal us through accepting what is, was, needs changing and all that.  If we keep pushing someone to be the magic cure for us to be whole etc… eventually we will crush them under that weight.  We need to figure out how to be whole within our own journey in life, not look to another to be a magic formula to make us whole or anything like that.  An authentic, cultivated spiritual life can be of great help along the journey, so I love listening for example to this youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDeB9zIoE_s&t=1463s and others like this to connect to the spiritutal in life.  I hope that we all come to wholeness within ourselves as Sons and Daughters of the Most High, The Creator of this amazing universe.

Amen

What I Miss, Reclaiming It.

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Today I took a lovely long walk, something that many would take for granted.  For those with chronic health issues, syndromes it’s something that matters.  When a syndrome leaves you so exhausted, has you in pain on an ongoing basis etc…that you go stretches of time crashing in bed and not being able to even enjoy a walk, sitting outside in your favorite spot, having your ipod and listening to great music and meditation material.  The best nutshell way to describe it is this:  a complete physical, mental, emotional, spiritual assault on your body.  This is one of the things I miss, that Fibromyalgia since it has flared up with a vengeance.  I am hoping to reclaim that and a few other things.  One of the things that  makes those of us fighting chronic health issues and syndromes is when people say stuff like “but you look good”  “maybe if you got out more”  “you just need to push yourself more”  People may mean well, but for us, these sound like what is being said is “you’re faking, lying” and “you’re just lazy, or exaggerating”  My thought when anyone gives the kind of advice or nuggets of wisdom mentioned here is “no you S.O.B. I am not fine, not OK, not lazy, what the hell do you know about it?”  I just want to smack the person and sometimes just want to cry from the frustration.  

What might cause a flare up of Fibromyalgia or these types of syndromes:

Common Fibro Flare Ups

What can you do if your dealing with chronic health issues such as pain, such as fibromyalgia?  Consult your doctor before try anything to alleviate any symptoms etc..  Here are some suggestions, starting with foods.  Try to incorporate anti-inflammatory foods such as:  flaxseed, green tea, avocado, cantaloupe, walnuts, pineapple, berries, garlic, broccoli.  Aromatherapy with certain oils as you meditate, even  in your bath, such as:Balsam Fir, Bergamot, Roman Camomile, Rosemary, Lavender, Eucalyptus, Clary Sage.  As far as exercise, you have to be careful when you have syndromes such as fibromyalgia.  I for example am so hypersensitive I can not do any physical therapy, have any massage other than hot stone massage, do tai chi, walk.  You need to consult your doctors about what type of exercise you can handle, is recommended for you.  If you are crashing a lot, lots of fatigue, you can do some basic very light stretches at home, put on some music that is upbeat and some light dance moves, nothing strenuous, just to get the circulation moving.  For me what also helps is spirituality and meditation, it’s a great anchor in the midst of the chaos that is fibromyalgia.   I hope this helps, and that if you encounter anyone or have anyone with a chronic health issue or syndrome in your life this will help you understand, just a little bit better.  On a final not I leave you with this, the stages of fibromyalgia, but this can apply to any syndrome or chronic health issue situation.

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Oy and Oy!!

Good Stress, Bad Stress

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I wanted to share something practical with you because we all have stressors in our lives and some stress is good, some stress is bad stress.  I hope this helps you to figure out which stress your life is running on. It also gives some tips for dealing with stress.  I will also be posting a meditation for stress reduction in the next few days or so along with know yourself part 3.

If this blog is a blessing to you I hope you will consider a donation to support this blog and more advanced projects I would like to provide on here.

Thank You and God Bless.