Have That Paper, So Why Still Attached?

Letting Go Never Easy, But Necessary

When one gets a legal divorce, there is this assumption that one will simply be able to immediately move on, just say sayonara, never knew ya, adios.

You would think especially if it ended badly, or it was a long drawn out made you ill kind of thing that would be the case, but no, not how it works.    We create cords, etherial cords with people when we live a chunk of our lives with them or interact with them, whether that is in a romantic union, even one where there was no marriage, just years of dating and intimacy, even parent child relationship, even if it was a negative one.  Those etherial, memory, and intimacy cords, cords of familiarity are not easy to shake.   One can say “But there is someone or something really great waiting for that person, for you”  That’s all well and good and it may very well be true that there is something great waiting for that person, for you, for me, for any of us who have ended one chapter of life, including a relationship, long term one, a marriage, a career of one type or another,   For those who maybe had a rocky road with a parent the chance to reconcile that past by attending a funeral might be offered as divine providence, as was my case when my dad who left when I was a kid.  As one who was in a very intense relationship, even if it was not a healthy one emotionally and spiritually, letting that go has been one of the hardest things, next to attending my dad’s funeral that I have ever had to do.  Not even the surgeries I have had scared me as much as letting these two go, were as tough on me, scary on me, not even the endometriosis that had wrapped around my appendix and was causing me excruciating pain hurt as much as letting these two people go.  

How have I let them go?  Let me start with the unhealthy relationship.  We kind of let go of each other I guess and we both I think realized there was a lot of maturing that needed to happen because we just hurt each other way too much over and over again, even if not physically, emotionally, spiritually, which some would say can be even worse.  Basically we cut off all contact, no seeing each other, not calls, nothing, just cut contact and I did continuous cord cutting meditation, wishing him all the best, wishing him freedom from a toxic life, and new life full of joy.  I did the same for myself, meditated on a life free of all things toxic, free of toxic cords, still do that.  I also used poetry and song to let go, to express myself my regrets about it.  I realized that was the past and the past had no place in the present, and that has not been an easy thing for my mind to register or any part of my psyche, to let go of that hope of an “us” at any point.  I have let go of that and am ready to embrace a new life, a new love heart body sprit and soul, one who will share the Roman Catholic faith in full, share the simple things of life and the arts, including faith based arts with me. and also the beauty of my heritage with me. I am ready for all of that, for the one who will be my BFF, life and artistic partner, and share it all with me, and when the Lord is ready to bring me together with that person I am ready to receive him, all cords to the past, all chakra cords cut, severed, dissolved, and God Bless.  As for my dad, well, not that I have let him go, but I see realistically he was a person with flaws and virtues and I no longer have this notion of mom and dad could have worked if only this or that.  No, they never should have gotten together in the first place, bad idea, lousy idea, no way.  Maybe in some alternate reality, transfigured in the next life by some true miracle they can be civil strangers and that’s fine with me.  Beyond that I am realistic enough not to expect anything more.  Realistic is not always fun, but hey, not that bad.  I have let go of unrealistic and what a relief.  Huge relief.

Is it easy to cut cords etc.. even when  a piece of paper says so? No.  Do cords automatically get cut just because a person was a lousy parent,?No.  It’s never that simple, never that cut and dry.  Not so say it is impossible to cut cords, or that you shouldn’t, but realize not that easy, not cut and dry.  Also unless you understand metaphysics and how cords work, you won’t know how to cut them, even if you want to.  Not that complicated, but it does take wanting truly the cords cut and the consistent daily effort of cord cutting meditation and prayer for it to happen.  With intent and prayer nothing is impossible, nothing, so long as you are not seeking to violate laws and all that jazz.