Indecision, Easiest Way To Be a Coward

Easiest Way to Be a Coward

In certain ways I’ve been brave I guess, and courageous, in the sense of exploring my spirituality and through my art expressing myself and loving, wearing my heart on my sleeve no holding back, even if it has gotten me into trouble.  

Yet in a number of ways, the ways that really count, I have not been brave.  In the ways that count, I have been perhaps a coward I think.  If I had been brave, I would have cut that demo a long time ago and sought out a manger to launch my songwriting career f/t like a blazing sun, gone into the spotlight no matter how annoying the loss of privacy might have been.  I would be in a different place now in many ways.  I love that I can appreciate things now that I couldn’t before, but I still wish I would have grabbed for the brass ring a lot sooner.  Instead I did what many did, many other choices that I knew down deep inside didn’t really suit me, or made no decision at all, stayed with what was familiar, with what I knew, just because it was and that truly is cowardly.    I am now pursuing that dream and it’s not even about the spotlight or any of that, but about not being a coward and making choices, decisions, not being conformed to mediocre and ehhhh whatever, tis okay.  Nah, don’t think so.

I have done the same in my personal life.  I gave my heart to someone who could not possibly give me the love I gave in return, or the commitment I sought at any point, nor could they ever really grasp who I was, my gifts perhaps.  They were too closed, to disconnected, perhaps unable to love and be loved, could only be in lust, who knows.  Yet because it was familiar and I didn’t want to make a decision, or go through the hassle of dating, of the game of socializing and all that jazz, and I do care for them very much, feel a metaphysical spiritual cord to them, for two decades I made no decision and lost so much of my life.  If I had put myself out there, in like spiritual circles and such who knows, but I was too much of a coward to make the decision to walk away for this connection that could offer me nothing but pain, sadness and all that jazz.   At some point you have to stop being a coward and make decisions really brave tough decisions, even when you care very deeply for someone or something.  If a situation does not serve your happiness etc… your higher good, does not make you soar with joy, or move our heart, spirit, soul with love each day for some reason or another, then you need to make a decision, but indecision is not a long-term option, should never be a long-term option.