Do I trust Thee?

We all have that one connection, that one that we can’t fully let go of, is in our system, we can’t get out of our system, I am no different, I have one of those to.  There is the chance to rekindle, reconnect, but then i think of how it was, the hurt and part of me is finding trust hard, finding it hard to trust that his words when we do come face to face will be truthful, will be honest and sincere.  That hurts me also because I want to believe he has left the past behind, he has left the other relationship behind and is ready to build a solid relationship with me, one that is based on true friendship. I want to believe that, with all my heart. I should be jumping for joy that they reached out and want to talk, but then I remember the hurt, lack of trust between us, and part of me thinks it is going to be the same old, same old.  I look at his social media status and again, no change, so what am I to deduce, believe, expect?

 They say we often come full circle in life, back to the beginning.  Here is the thing, I don’t want that same scenario, not again, not ever again.  I don’t want to not have this person in  my life, but I also have to love and respect myself enough to make sure that if they are, it is not a scenario that hurts me, that causes me pain, that drains my very life force.  No matter how much we may care for each other, if we are not committed to growing as individuals, as a team and true commitment to that as a team, releasing any pain from the past, and truly letting go of our past, includes people, relationships necessary for this relationship to thrive, then it can’t work, won’t work.  I need to be firm on this point, can’t waiver, for my own well being.  I have to stand strong, has to be a situation that benefits me, not one that hurts me.  Should I choose to embrace this individual whom I do care for very much back into my life, they must understand it can not be as it was back then, it must be a different scenario and I need concrete evidence that it will be, I need action not words, words alone won’t do it. Will that happen, we will see, we will see.  What I do know is that full and total honesty must happen and I have to be kind to myself and take care of myself in this situation and all situations above all, doing what is best for me, my well being emotional and on all levels.  We shall see what happens, but I will remain true to myself and my well being, won’t put up with any shenanigans or lies, anything like that, hell no!

Namaste, Shalom and Amen