Understanding a person’s personality, communication styles can be of great help in navigating a relationship, even with one’s child, with parents. Let’s discuss the first two, the Helper, very always ready to be of service, great host or hostess, and the Achiever, great charmer and professional. The Helper, when he or she is secure, doesn’t have a whole bunch of baggage they are carrying can be a great friend, colleague, partner, great to have on charitable boards and all that. They remember everyone’s birthday and anniversaries. They also have a great need to be loved, and a constant subconscious fear that they won’t be, so they tend to be people pleasers. On the positive side they can be very caring, helpful etc…, but remember a coin has two sides and if they are very insecure, they can’t say NO, can’t pull back when overwhelmed because they are afraid if they say NO they won’t be loved or approved of. In the act of helping others, they feel good about themselves. They feel important when somebody needs them. Often it’s a matter of making them feel important and valued, perhaps something they didn’t get in their early years, if that can be reinforced, that they are valued for their gifts, talents, that can be brought out, also that it is okay to be a little selfish, and they will still be loved if they sometimes say NO, they can be very loyal friends and partners, but they have to learn to feel valued for who they are not only for what they do for you, and know it’s okay to be a little bit selfish. The achiever, the charmer, well this person is goal oriented, has a mission, has goals, is focused, pragmatic, and the image is important the public persona matters. They can be like the energizer bunny, go go go, always on the go, always something going on, hop to it. , high levels of competitiveness, sometimes even with their own siblings and friends. They also have a tendency to be quite optimistic and social, really getting out there and going for the brass ring. Goals are great, and having things you want to achieve, to strive for, great, awesome sauce as the commercial says, love that one, don’t want to drift aimlessly all one’s life. Again, coins don’t just have one side and when this personality type takes the “have to achieve and succeed” to steroids level well, then you have a workaholic, and could end up with someone losing their moral compass and the philosophy of “at all costs”. The achieving could become the one and only goal and when achieving becomes the only goal, or it becomes the obsession to where nothing else matters, you have a problem. Everything needs to be tempered and in moderation. Anything in excess is going to drive us off a cliff. Even the helper will burn out by being so obsessed with having to be loved and pleasing that they never say no and burn themselves out with “helping” and in the end help no one. With the achiever, good to start young helping them temper this notion of I have to have the approval of everyone and I have to reach perfection, no they don’t. Important to teach them that not everyone will like you, agree with you etc…, no you don’t have to prove to anyone other than yourself what you can achieve, and always with ethics, integrity.
Understanding these personality types can help make life smoother, relationships smoother, hope this helps and inspires. Namaste, Shalom and Amen