Letting Go in order to move forward, scary prospect for me, very scary. My dad let go of me, left when I was a kid, and twice when I was a kid I got left behind in a crowded street, so letting go is a scary prospect for me. Trusting completely in the unfamiliar, wow, big leap of faith.
However, something has been shifting. I created my youtube channel and started trusting God that somehow, someone who could help me be what I was supposed to be and do what I was supposed to do would hear my music and I was contacted by people who if auditions go well will be my artistic reps. I am promoting my youtube channel and this blog diligently. One of my youtube videos got over 20,000 views, another over 8,000 and still another over 5,000. Once I have artistic representation, and trusting that one of my several prayers is answered, I will no longer have my own space, place and will have to see about someone to be around for my mom and I will have to do so without guilt. I will have to be ok with building a life of my own, will have to let go of this not very healthy co-dependent relationship mom and I have, that has kept me from growing on many levels. Doesn’t mean I don’t love her. This also means putting myself in a spotlight position, something I really have been weary of thinking what if I am not good enough in comparison to the others out there, but that is silly. It is not about in comparison to others because we are each just supposed to be the best me we are created to be by the creator, staying within His boundaries, and as long as we focus on that, we are going to be fine.
What about the relationship area of things? On twitter I have had several gentlemen friend me and come on with in my face flirting using babe and baby, stuff like that right from the get go, which I don’t like plus I really was not looking for love on twitter or anything like that on twitter, and am not. One message was very sweet, polite and I thought, open up to at lease friendship, this person is being polite, they are not being disrespectful, they are being polite, so let them know you are find with friendship and see what happens and when I did they didn’t retreat. It may die out after a few messages, or it may be that at some point, since they reside in NY State, we actually meet and a great friendship develops. I decided to take a chance, to meditate, pray and take a chance. If at any point I get a sense of something not right, I block them.
I am letting go and trusting in the Lord to guide me through this journey, just like I am trusting Him and the Holy Spirit, along with scripture to guide me through the journey of my career and vocation. I am letting go, not in a sense of being reckless, all due diligence will still apply, but I am not running or shutting down, hiding from life because of stuff in the past. Yes, stuff will have to change, stuff will have to be let go of etc… and that’s okay.