“Immature love says “I love you because I need you. Mature love says I love because I love you” Erich Fromm
This is one of the life lessons I have had to learn, come to understand in life, and it is not an easy one. What is the difference, aren’t loving and needing, wanting all the same? Well, heck no. When you want and need someone, it’s a reliance, which if you are a child, even a young teen certain wants and needs are understandable because you are not a self sufficient adult. However want/love and need in a relationship, depending on the degree and the dynamics of the relationship can be quite a suffocating experience. When you need someone, you forgo your independence, on their attention, what they think of you etc…and in some cases are totally reliant on them to where you have no self. You lose the ability and desire to complete basic tasks by yourself, you forget what it’s like to be alone with your thoughts, and you can barely remember a time when you were capable of existing alone. Every decision you make revolves around them, around being with them, phone calls you might get from them, it’s as if you disappear as a person. You literally might feel like a piece of you is going to be ripped out of you if they are not connecting to you every day etc… , as an extreme. It’s a sense of they are your daily bread and breath and you literally can’t survive without them, that’s how you feel and may even take it to an extreme. God does not want that kind of toxic connection in our lives not for us to feel that way or someone to feel that way about us. That is not love, that’s want and need, but not love. Love looks different.
What does love look like? You start with want, but what does that mean? It starts with wanting to know them as a person, what they are about, their likes and dislikes, goals, hopes, dreams and hopefully they feel the same. It’s a journey that helps you grow as a person and even maybe discover some stuff about yourself. You are both complete persons, not looking for the other to heal you, make you whole etc… You enjoy each other, learn together and from each other. You create memories, and share memories. You want to be there for each other, but are not needy, not demanding of each other with a laundry list of “must do”. You inspire the other to want to do things for you and vice versa, care for you, pick up your meds on their way to work because it’s no biggie, they want to do that for you. It’s where in a crisis they are your cheerleader to move forward, see you through the dark tunnel and help you to gain insight, faith and strength in those situations.
Love and Want are different from Need, Neediness I hope that the Lord gives me the gift of a great companion soon to share my life with someone who I will want and love, and they me with maturity, mutual maturity.