Where Do I Go From Here?

soaring eagle



As I look at this picture, I see where I want to be my end goal, a soaring eagle and as I think of the anchor of everything in my life, it is Christ, it is scripture, along side Conservatism  Where I have I guess I have had a winding road is taking that anchor and bringing it into my every day vocation, which is really what I want to do, as a Coach, as am Artiste. 

Question is “How?” I love meditating with prayer and music, love writing song and poetry, love writing and singing, reciting, all these things. We are a social animal, so how do I take all of this and create a social circle, particularly with the fibromyalgia being a thorn in my side, a shadow over me day to day?  These are all important questions, so what would Jesus do? He prayed, he surrendered to the Father, he let go, trusted, did what he was called to do.  I know that faith, spirituality, guiding and the arts are where I am supposed to be, the journey I am supposed to make, which includes some tough love.  I have taken the first step of enrolling to train as a Coach, I will study to be a coach in several areas, most likely will move into spiritual or wellness coaching.  I am working on making sure I get into my own wellness zone, more water, watch what I eat, meditating.  I also have to figure out how to come into or create community, which is tough due to the fibromyalgia.  Even today as I was running my errands, the humidity in NYC, I thought I was going to black out in the street, got home, my blood pressure had dipped tooo low. I feel fatigued, and yesterday was supposed to go to a lecture, but couldn’t, the fatigue was too overwhelming.  Having to work around that is one of biggest challenges, but I am sure that with finding the right mentor/s I can work through it.  It may not be an overnight thing, but nothing worthwhile comes without putting in effort and patience.  I also have to really seek to be true to my Christian self, something else I have to truly explore in depth.

Shalom and Amen

How To Have Total Peace, Mean Total

Peaceful Retreat



Total Nirvana, total peace 24/7, bliss 24/7, no cares, no worries, no criticism, just pure bliss 24/7, sounds good, ahhhhhh. Okay, well if you can purchase a holodeck contraption, create this perfect place, never leave, with ya!   Long time ago a wise philosopher said this ” There is only one way to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” , basically you would have to cease to be.  We don’t live as robots, and we don’t all have the same experiences, so we won’t see things the same way, not even within our own family.  Sometimes because of childhood stuff or stuff that happened in our younger years may be always or frequently engaging in Conflict avoidance, will avoid any kind of conflict, even to the point of making any decisions in one’s own life, or taking a stand on anything.  The problem is if you are in that category, then you will just go anywhere your emotions lead you in that moment, or where the cultural tide is going in that moment. 

Let’s look at inner conflict, which I think can be often the root to outer conflict.  Relationships, do we stay or go, do we stay in the safety of what is or pursue a path that in our heart of hearts we know is one much happier for all in the long run, those kind of choices can be a cause for inner conflict.  Relationship choices without fullness of information or context, so that you have a nagging something in the back of your mind, though you have a strong pull to them.  Since you don’t really know them, have not taken the time to know them etc.. not all the pieces of the puzzle are there, so it’s not a fully informed decision, a rushed one, maybe there are certain red flags that are very obvious to friends, family, even to you subconsciously, but you are ignoring them.  This is true in any kind of relationship, or decision, even professional ones.  There is also the inner conflict as you make your spiritual journey.  I firmly embrace the Bible the layers of truth it has to teach including metaphysical, not that we are God, or can be Gods or anything like that, but on a philosophical level, on an esoteric level, as well as the practical applications, as it did for creating the Republic, our Republic.  There are very practical applications, even an understanding of human nature to be gained.  I also embrace Jesus as Personal Messiah, one who if I can truly have a relationship with, truly understand his teachings, that of the Apostles, in context of the the OT, it can be very beneficial.  However, I also want to learn about meditation techniques, and Zen meditation, Zen philosophy.  Will that sit well with everyone in my circle, no. Could that bring me inner conflict?  It could if I let it, if I allow myself to get caught up in that storm, up to me. If I have the mindset that if you even try to challenge me on this, it’s war, well then it is war, going to be war.  I have set up my heart, spirit and soul, but at the same time my elderly mom has health issues, so if I were to engage in such a war with those closest to us, that would hurt her.  You see how my inner conflict would have a ripple effect and become a conflict beyond my own inner world.  Inner war can create all kinds of ripples in the pond, though that does not mean you don’t stand up for yourself or what you believe in.  However, one of the things that I myself am working on is what size stone to throw in the pond at the time, so I don’t cause a tsunami. Conflict within is often the first line of conflict, even in the career arena.  You may feel divided loyalties if you see something that does not seem kosher, part of you is feeling that you should speak up, but that part is in conflict with the part that feels you have bills to pay, family to support, don’t blow it, lay low.  If you get tense etc…, starts to create friction in the workplace with others, so inner conflict unresolved will still find a way to manifest and create issues.  Remember the adage, “Physician heal thyself”, always.

Inner conflict, aligning our heart spirit and soul need to be the first order of things because until we do that, we can’t find harmony with the external.  Those three aspects of self have to resolved, aligned etc.., then external conflicts can more easily be resolved. 

Shalom and Amen

Healthy Boundaries, Huh?

lonely evneing road


As I look at this photo and saw the line it reminded me of boundaries, very crucial to life, liberty etc.., in any context, so I thought about what makes for healthy ones based on what I have learned and then I came across something that resonated about what healthy boundaries looks like, so here it is.   This is what health boundaries might very well look like:

  • Saying NO without guilt
  • Asking for what you need (help, support)
  • Taking care of YOU, always remember the airplane scenario, who do they tell to take the oxygen first the kid or the mom?
  • Behave with ethics and have solid values to guide you
  • Be in a safe space within to express feelings and emotions, viewpoints, but please no tantrums, broken anything
  • Feeling you have a support system to pursue your goals
  • Being responsible for your own happiness and not for that of others
  • Be self aware, be aware of what you are feeling, but not consumed by it
  • Be clear in who you are, what you believe, and want

This is a journey, not something you get to overnight, not always quickly, usually not quickly.  I believe that looking at a few different world views, philosophies and such along with prayer and meditation can be helpful.  For me the one that makes most sense is practical metaphysics and Christianity.  That’s what makes sense to me, and what resonates with me as THE Spiritual Truth for all ages. Not everyone is in agreement with that, okay.  I just need to be clear in myself about what I believe etc.. and if I share it through my music or whatever, fine and if anyone then decides it also resonates with them, okay, welcome.  I also realize I am the only one that can create a solid spiritual life, creative life etc…with some divine intervention and help, to bring me joy, no one can do that for me, and I can’t do it for anyone else, not even my own family, not even my own mom.  I also have had to really learn to put clear boundaries down, even with family, with mom. Life is not meant to be stressed, a pressure cooker, but if we don’t learn to put into place healthy boundaries, then we are going to live in just that.  I will hopefully be offering hypnotherapy sessions and such through fiverr soon I hope, and some baseline coaching along with it.  I truly don’t think our Creator meant us to live in any pressure cookers.

Shalom and Amen

The Shadow Self, One We Run From

Transforms Her Dark Light.jpg



Two more public figures lost to suicide, and many more that are not public figures lost each year. Many of us have aspects of our lives of self, maybe disappointments, things that we don’t always share with the world, even with our own family.  We all have in a sense a shadow self, wear a mask to some degree.  Who we are as a mom, sister, friend, how we act and behave in that context when we let loose with those people is not how we are and who we are at work, obviously, so we all have masks we have to wear to accomplish our goals and be effective in our work, as parents etc… However, sometimes the pain, the distortion of that pain etc… the wearing of that mask can run so deep, be so constant the person reaches a point where all they see is pain, darkness, an endless dark tunnel.  They feel there is nothing of hope etc… to grab on to that can compensate for the pain, sadness, the inadequacy they feel.  The Shadow lurks beneath the surface, bound by fear, shame and guilt.  It can be difficult to detect without conscious awareness, of the tricks that the self will do to keep the wounds from being exposed. Often these “weaknesses etc..” are repressed, pushed away, ignored, with the idea that if I can just achieve a great success, then another and another, if I can do all this outward stuff, then that will make all the inward okay.  Problem is that outward will never be enough, and you end up on a hamster wheel, going round and round, but going nowhere really, not emotional, not spiritually, not psychologically.   In those respects you are stuck in that place of a little girl or boy full of pain, anxiety, sadness, of “look at me, see me, and I’ll show you, show all of you, I am good, I am worthy”. It’s a treadmill that puts you to a point of total exhaustion with life, with everything until you can’t live anymore, literally and you give up.  You literally give up on life and decide life is to too heavy, it’s all too heavy and you find a permanent way out.  How do you not get to that point? First you acknowledge there is a conflict a shadow self etc.., face it, see it, look right into the mirror at it with a good mentor, a person or group that can really help you through the process.  It’s really important to be willing for all of us to work through our issues, not bury them, not pretend they don’t exist, for us not to wear a mask all the time, pretend it’s all okay when it is not.  Not saying be snowflakes go around crying and whining all the time, be paralyzed by life, no, but periodic self assessment and helping others to do the same is a good thing, working with people who can help with that, a trusted friend even is a good thing.  In a blog I came across on this subject three main steps were discussed for working with the Shadow self, hope this helps:  1. Be Kind to Yourself. To begin with,  be gentle with yourself. You’re not going to do any good by beating yourself up for the fact that you’re feeling down or enraged or anxious 2. Give Your Feelings a Voice.  Doesn’t mean you go into road rage or anything like that, but you experience it as it comes up.  You say “Ok, right now I’m….., then take deep breaths and breath through it.  3.  Physical Get the Energy Moving.  Don’t just sit there seething, get up, go for a walk, go for a jog, do something to move the energy around, and channel it constructively.  Don’t act like a brat, don’t throw wild tantrums that get you nowhere.  For you own well being, try to work with these three stops and God Bless.


Faith Leaders and Accountability, How?

Wellenss Wheel


Part of the faith journey is meant to get you to a place of wellness, to guide you and society.  Faith leaders are meant to set forth scripturally correct principles to get you there, to guide you on the journey.  What the heck is happening?  What’s happening is that Eden is alive and well.  People often don’t really check, study, and look to see if what they are being taught is really congruent with scripture,  For example let’s take the Sabbath, why Sunday?  The commandment is to keep the Sabbath holy, doesn’t specify Saturday, only the Sabbath.  If you look at the NT, it speaks of the New Covenant, so for those who do accept Christ, the Sabbath would naturally be Sunday, as we are basing our Sabbath on the third day after Christ rose.  There are minor things that cause differences within the Faith community of that denomination, but what if the leader is giving a seemingly green light to what is contrary to scripture, to even Constitutional truth etc..? Do you just sit, let it slide?  Do you start world war three over it?  Is it your place, or mine to correct a faith leader?  Yes it is, but it’s really important how we do it.  We must have solid scriptural truth to present, along with a logical argument to back up those passages.  This does not only apply to the church or synagogue, but to every sphere of life, even within our own relationships.  We need to be able to speak truth in agape love as much as we can, but we should aim to speak the truth when others are engaging in a path of sin, of destructiveness and such.  Again, how we do it matter, the approach matters, so meditating, and praying on the best approach in regards to that person matters.  

What we can not do for the sake of soul and society is keep silent, not when biblical truth is being trampled on by those in charge of being the gatekeepers, that includes Pope Francis, and all leaders.  When they violate the core principles of Constitution, God and Country, God and Scripture, they have to be held accountable.  As we must be held accountable, so must those in leadership.  Whether through music, the arts in general, media, different venues in very balanced and logical ways, we must let them know when they violate Scripture and Constitutional truth.


Have To Let It…

Let IT....jpg

No one likes pain and as someone who deals with fibromyalgia every day, pain on some level every day, it’s not fun.  Childhood lots of pain there, dad leaving when I was a kid, lots of baggage there, my relationship with my mom, complicated, lots of love, BFFs but also lots of tension because we clash and since she always had limited English skills depended a lot on me because of that, I have always lived with her. Relationships, not a lot of good stuff there either to remember, some moments here and there, though that really is down to my own not so wise choices. 

Pain is something we don’t like, and emotional pain, spiritual pain, even less, so the tendency might be to numb it, run from it, but that never resolved, never leads to growing, understanding, discerning etc.. When emotional etc.. pain is there, even some levels of physical pain, not talking major levels, but small scale, rather than run to numb it right away, what if we let ourselves hurt, let ourselves engage with the pain through meditation, prayer, as we listened to specific meditation music or sacred music?  What if we engaged to understand where the pain was coming from, really coming from?  Is the pain really about the fact that a person is no longer in your life, that they are not “loving you” the way you want them to love, want you etc..? Is that really it, maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t?  Is it really that you didn’t get the job, promotion etc…, maybe, possibly?  Maybe if you have this constant pain and aching within, it’s not about that, but about baggage you never faced, came to terms with.  Maybe we never let ourselves hurt, bleed and let go.  It’s not comfortable to do.  It’s not a comfortable journey, looking deep into our heart, spirit and soul.  If we feel resentful about stuff we have to do for another, for anything in our life that is ongoing, why is that? For some it might be that anger with self at lost opportunities, opportunities not taken, for others it might be something different. The letting go part is crucial, looking deep and discerning is crucial, even with physical pain, so for example if we are constantly putting yourself in situations where we are ending up hurt, peril, why is that, something might be going on if we are constantly breaking something, spraining something etc…one too many close calls.  If we refuse to see the doctor when others are saying we really need to go because we look like hell and we know we feel like hell, but are ignoring signs that something is not right.  We may find all kinds of excuses, too busy, whatever.  What is really going on, really?  We might be having a busy season at work, but no time to schedule a doctor’s appointment, really? Don’t think so.   Now there are centers, places open Saturday, so no excuses.  Appointments can even be made online.  Even when we get news in life that is not so great, hurt, bleed, find a room, place where you can cry, scream, punch some pillows, write a letter to God about how pissed off you are, get it out, fine, bleed, then figure out constructively how to move forward, move on.  If there is baggage from the past, where you feel the not good enough etc..self talking or that of others kicking in you write to self, “Dear Negative Self, shut the hell up with all this negative crap, no one is buying what you are selling.  I know as a child of the Most High Creator of this Amazing Universe what you are saying is bull.  Yes I make mistakes, but I am willing to learn from them, so take that and stuff it”  Read it over and over, envision all that negative self talk, and all negative behaviors, patterns, we all have them, hence sin, missing the mark, being incinerated. 

Hurt, bleed, move forward, move on!

Who Do I Give My Power To?

Radiant Light

This week and next is a week pretty much full with doctors appointments, and the gluten free and fomap diet continue.  Though the meds do help with the pain etc..I have to be always on guard.  Why be on guard? 

Well, Fibromyalgia is a syndrome, not a cold you have just for a few days and then it goes away, so I have to be aware of that yes, but I also have to be aware enough not to give it full power over my life.  If I give it full power, then the fatigue, the constant fatigue and pain though controlled to some extent by the meds, would have me sleeping a good part of the day, especially since with this syndrome we have trouble getting to sleep and sleeping soundly through the night.   Despite the thorns of this syndrome, I refuse to let it overtake me or my life, so I push through to write and record, to inspire.  I now have between bandcamp, number1music, and soundcloud over 300 followers and subscribers  That’s pretty good, and a good feeling to know I am impacting lives, especially when I get the emails that let me know.  I am blessed, but like I said it would be easy to let the Fibromyalgia overtake me and add to this the fact that I am also having to take care of my 94 year old mom whose English is limited, and is starting to get forgetful about stuff, leave the water on, the stove.  I meditate, I discuss things like this with her doctor, have a great support system that has my back and hers.  I am even filling out a medical proxy for her.  I am doing what I can and still taking care of myself to the best of my ability, which is wise.  Think of being on a plane, if something happens, they always say to have the adults use the oxygen first because if the adult is not okay, how will the kids be okay.  Taking care of one’s self is important as one makes this journey through life’s sometimes muddy waters.  It is up to you not to let any of that overwhelm, rather inspire in constructive ways.

What about you? what issues do you have going on in life?  What burdens do you feel you are carrying?  I am not saying they are not burdensome, but it is up to you to decide if they are going to overwhelm and drown you.  You need to step back, and determine what you need to move through it, and be whole in some way shape or form.  you need to figure out how you are going to be okay , and productive in spite of the crap going on with you, or around you.   No one can do it for you, but you can seek and should seek the right support system. Please be wise and don’t go to anything radical.  There are good people who can mentor and coach you as you try to navigate life’s storms. 


Freedom in America

soaring eagle


Freedom in America
Isn’t really free;
We often pay a price
To keep our liberty.

Remember those we loved,
Who fought for us, and died;
And those we never knew
For whom others mourned and cried.

At home our “war” for freedom
Is sadly overdue;
We’ve let corruption stage
A sad and grievous coup.

No longer can we brush off
Dishonesty and greed,
Lust for wealth and power;
We can’t, we won’t concede.

Complacency is weakness
Patriots can’t afford;
We have to act on wrongs
That cannot be ignored.

We must give up some time,
Spent on other pleasures,
To restore America’s freedom,
To keep America’s treasures.

Money spent on trifles
Must now go to our cause:
Get rid of the offenders,
Constitutional outlaws.

Freedom in America
Isn’t really free
It’s up to American patriots;
It’s up to you and me.

By Joanna Fuchs

This poem sums it up quite well.  Tomorrow I will be hopefully sharing, have to look through all my files and find it my Faith and Freedom Poem.  May we never forget those who sacrificed and may we never take the knee, which is an abomination in front of the flag.

Strong Mind Roadmap PIV



What else makes for a healthy mind? Where we put our energy.  Learning from the past is a good thing, and having goals for the future is also a good thing.  However a healthy mind doesn’t obsess over either, but rather learns from the past, has some clear goals for the future, with flexibility about the roadmap and timeline to getting there, and the bulk of the energy is on the here and now the day to day steps necessary to get from A to Z.  Being stuck in the past is a really depressing place to be, especially if we are going to be beating ourselves up about things, or idealizing it in a way that it wasn’t that way and longing for what really wasn’t, missing out on the opportunities right in front of us.  Learning from the past doesn’t mean a lifetime of beating ourselves up over mistakes made, nor does it mean blaming everyone else for our screw ups, like former candidate Hillary Clinton does, like many of us at times do and some always have a tendency to do.  It’s important to take responsibility for the fact that we do make mistakes, make some wrong choices and those choices have consequences, even grave ones.  Also, don’t try to pass the buck as they say.  We can realize we  messed up and clean up the mess responsibly, constructively., and yes acknowledge that there were outside influences, but take responsibility for how we reacted to that, particularly once we are  at a certain age and point of our lives.  The other thing that’s important is not to do a comparison to others and to celebrate the success of others, especially if we have had any kind of an influence on their journey to that success.  If we start to compare, keep score etc…, we are going to become very bitter, and that is when the Marxist, Communist all must be equal, life is not fare and everything must be equal etc.. mindset comes a knockin.  Problem with that is life is not designed for that, even with gifts, talents, skills etc.., God gave different skills, gifts etc… to different people.  He didn’t make us all the same, not in our features, height, not in anything.  He gave us different features, gifts, talents.  To envy another for their success, waste that energy on that rather than moving forward with your own life, goals etc… is foolishness and makes for an unhealthy mindset. Celebrate, don’t envy, don’t waste time and energy on that.


Strong Mind Roadmap Part II


Last time I covered three aspects of a strong mind, soul, keeping in mind there is the conscious and subconscious.  What are the next three aspects to this.

Don’t wallow in whatever crap is going on, or in negative emotions, pain etc…For the past three days due to TMJ and arthritic inflammation from my osteoarthritis, I have been in pain, face swollen, hurts like heck to chew anything.  I could be going into depression, woe is me, ahhh poor me, ohhh why me, why the fibromyalgia had to hit me, boo hoo, cry me a river.  Don’t get me wrong, it is no fun, it’s annoying, frustrating, not fun, but wallowing rather than going to get my overdue haircut, and running needed errands won’t change the situation, won’t take the fibro away.  I choose to keep moving forward, understanding that I do have to respect my body’s limits, but still within that move forward.  No wallowing!  Be kind, and that can mean giving a smile, saying thank you to the person who serves you coffee, telling them to have a great day.  Kind can come in small packages.  We can all do better I am sure in this area, me as well.  I don’t always have the patience I should, maybe it’s the fibro frustration, but I know I can do better.  Bitterness, anger etc.. that constantly in your heart, spirit and soul are really a heavy load to carry.  I did a piece I believe on the difference between anger and righteous anger, so please check that out.  Take calculated risks.  Notice the word calculated, not impetuous, impulsive, reckless risk, calculated.  You look at the pros and cons, risk and reward factors and you see if the pros outweigh the cons and rewards would outweigh the risks.  You don’t for truly important decisions go rushing in like a blind fool, that’s not courage that’s just being a moron and a blind fool.  Learn the difference and take it from me the sooner you learn that, the better.  Courage is not about jumping in all the time into every situation based on feelings and emotions in the heat of the moment.  That’s immaturity.  I hope that we all learn the difference, but hopefully sooner rather than later in life.  If we can look at these things, maybe do a life scan and see where we might have wallowed etc.. .and how it led us down a not so great path, we can maybe not repeat that pattern, work on changing patterns.  I hope to have a workshop on that in conjunction with the wellness wheel a life seminar in September in Manhattan, NY.  I hope you will look at how maybe you have been in regards to these areas of the mind, soul and see where you might need to do a rethink.