Where Do I Go From Here?

soaring eagle



As I look at this picture, I see where I want to be my end goal, a soaring eagle and as I think of the anchor of everything in my life, it is Christ, it is scripture, along side Conservatism  Where I have I guess I have had a winding road is taking that anchor and bringing it into my every day vocation, which is really what I want to do, as a Coach, as am Artiste. 

Question is “How?” I love meditating with prayer and music, love writing song and poetry, love writing and singing, reciting, all these things. We are a social animal, so how do I take all of this and create a social circle, particularly with the fibromyalgia being a thorn in my side, a shadow over me day to day?  These are all important questions, so what would Jesus do? He prayed, he surrendered to the Father, he let go, trusted, did what he was called to do.  I know that faith, spirituality, guiding and the arts are where I am supposed to be, the journey I am supposed to make, which includes some tough love.  I have taken the first step of enrolling to train as a Coach, I will study to be a coach in several areas, most likely will move into spiritual or wellness coaching.  I am working on making sure I get into my own wellness zone, more water, watch what I eat, meditating.  I also have to figure out how to come into or create community, which is tough due to the fibromyalgia.  Even today as I was running my errands, the humidity in NYC, I thought I was going to black out in the street, got home, my blood pressure had dipped tooo low. I feel fatigued, and yesterday was supposed to go to a lecture, but couldn’t, the fatigue was too overwhelming.  Having to work around that is one of biggest challenges, but I am sure that with finding the right mentor/s I can work through it.  It may not be an overnight thing, but nothing worthwhile comes without putting in effort and patience.  I also have to really seek to be true to my Christian self, something else I have to truly explore in depth.

Shalom and Amen

Can’t Use the Heartstrings or Fake News

Danger to America.jpg

Growing up one of my favorite shows was Dragnet with Det. Joe Friday, and his infamous line, ” Just the Facts ” He was right as is Thomas Jefferson and we are seeing this played with with immigration and so called rights of certain groups, which now mean that other groups such as legal immigrants, law abiding citizens, traditionalists etc.. are being kicked in the teeth, their lives, children, those who work for the President, American Citizens, ICE agents etc.. are under threat, even literally.  Why?

First of all, the narrative.  You have even so called Christians with their fake social justice stuff, and the Trump hating truly biased media, those who want no borders spreading falsehood, ignoring completely the Constitution, Bill of Rights, Precedent decisions made by the courts and pulling at the emotions to try and decide law and order, thus creating the opposite, chaos and disorder, destroying The Republic for Which We Stand One Nation Under God.  The media and the no borders activists, even Latin American countries who want to get rid of people rather than fix their nations perpetuate all kinds of false narratives about Conservatives, Trump, any government agency, official that stands by the Constitution, Border Laws etc…Anyone who firmly says, stay the hell away from our borders if you are not coming legally, for the benefit of our nation, not your benefit, and only under very strict asylum criteria will be crucified, branded a Nazi etc.. Funny because by the way Trump, his family, his team, those of us who firmly demand a total immigration overhaul very strict protocols etc.. on immigration, e-verify etc.., we are the ones vilified and some of the stuff thrown at us is truly vile, but do feminists, does anyone call that out, no.  The media, they wan’t ratings and much of the media is truly skewed Alt Left, Socialist, Marxist, so anything that seeks to restore America’s exceptionalism as a True Capitalist Federalist Republic, reclaim it’s Judeo-Christian heritage values upon which the founders based its’ formation, not he fake liberal interpretation, the actual true understanding of it, they will loathe, reject.  Even the Church is complicit in the lawlessness, which is surprising considering Jesus saying that we should give to the government what is due, and we are to submit to the laws of the government, unless they truly are Nazi, Fascist, which in no way is it the case in the USA under Conservatives, but it is Law and Order 101! It is surprising since the bible makes it clear that both God and Satan run things like a government, with hierarchies, everyone having a specific assignment, ranking with some ranking higher in authority and power etc…, and you don’t cross any lines of what role you have been assigned, Lucifer tried it with God, didn’t work out well for him, got banished, and won’t have a pretty end at all.  You would think the Church would have figured out not to promote lawlessness, aid and abet it, but apparently neither the leaders or members of the Christian community have.  I guess wisdom doesn’t come from religion or theology, sadly.  Then again, someone has to fill the pews I guess.

The politicos, what’s their excuse for lawlessness, stupidity etc..? Each side prostitutes itself, nothing new in politics.  The Dems funny enough founded by the KKK and up until not too long ago in no way supportive of emancipation etc.. for minorities, now prostitute themselves for votes to the Latino and Asian community, the groups that cater to open border and illegal immigrant advocacy.   Not that my Party, the Republicans are angels, no.  They also do it, but they do it to the Koch Brothers, Commerce Chambers and the like who want cheap labor.  The hell with actual law and order, statutes, any of that, the actual danger posed to the immigrants making the journey, the children put in the hands fo the coyotes etc… the destruction to our Republic, our values, heritage of being a strong Capitalist, Federalist, Democratic Republic, not a Democracy since we don’t want any group determining law for the whole, or any large state or large group of states running the show for the nation, nor do we want, nor did the Founders want emotions, the heart strings deciding law and orders, but rather law and order, safety, security, long term benefits on many levels to tho Citizens fo the nation to determine that.  When the Church, the Media, anyone, even Politicos put lawbreakers, and their activist advocates wants before the security, sovereignty, law and order of the nation, they have shown themselves to be a disgrace to all. 

What do we do about immigrants?  You sure as hell don’t create incentives for them to make this dangerous trek, and with their kids tor for anyone to make the trek.  If you truly want to help anyone, you kick ass of the nations that allow these crossings into our border, you make it clear you expect them to clean house fast, and will help them do it, either they clean house or face stiff penalties for allowing their people to violate our sovereign borders  You also radically overhaul your nation’s immigration policy so you have people come based on what your country needs, not what they need and for the long term, with e-verify etc.. in place.  You also overhaul international policy, so you don’t go into nations to rebuild etc… in  ways that are more damaging than helpful, and that have  100 year strategy, not kidding, with as little military intervention and more logistics and tactical assistance that does not involve the military, so they do their own fishing for the long haul and don’t come to our borders.  Enough already with the fake news, the heart strings, prostituting for votes etc…, time to get tough and overhaul the world!! 


How To Have Total Peace, Mean Total

Peaceful Retreat



Total Nirvana, total peace 24/7, bliss 24/7, no cares, no worries, no criticism, just pure bliss 24/7, sounds good, ahhhhhh. Okay, well if you can purchase a holodeck contraption, create this perfect place, never leave, with ya!   Long time ago a wise philosopher said this ” There is only one way to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” , basically you would have to cease to be.  We don’t live as robots, and we don’t all have the same experiences, so we won’t see things the same way, not even within our own family.  Sometimes because of childhood stuff or stuff that happened in our younger years may be always or frequently engaging in Conflict avoidance, will avoid any kind of conflict, even to the point of making any decisions in one’s own life, or taking a stand on anything.  The problem is if you are in that category, then you will just go anywhere your emotions lead you in that moment, or where the cultural tide is going in that moment. 

Let’s look at inner conflict, which I think can be often the root to outer conflict.  Relationships, do we stay or go, do we stay in the safety of what is or pursue a path that in our heart of hearts we know is one much happier for all in the long run, those kind of choices can be a cause for inner conflict.  Relationship choices without fullness of information or context, so that you have a nagging something in the back of your mind, though you have a strong pull to them.  Since you don’t really know them, have not taken the time to know them etc.. not all the pieces of the puzzle are there, so it’s not a fully informed decision, a rushed one, maybe there are certain red flags that are very obvious to friends, family, even to you subconsciously, but you are ignoring them.  This is true in any kind of relationship, or decision, even professional ones.  There is also the inner conflict as you make your spiritual journey.  I firmly embrace the Bible the layers of truth it has to teach including metaphysical, not that we are God, or can be Gods or anything like that, but on a philosophical level, on an esoteric level, as well as the practical applications, as it did for creating the Republic, our Republic.  There are very practical applications, even an understanding of human nature to be gained.  I also embrace Jesus as Personal Messiah, one who if I can truly have a relationship with, truly understand his teachings, that of the Apostles, in context of the the OT, it can be very beneficial.  However, I also want to learn about meditation techniques, and Zen meditation, Zen philosophy.  Will that sit well with everyone in my circle, no. Could that bring me inner conflict?  It could if I let it, if I allow myself to get caught up in that storm, up to me. If I have the mindset that if you even try to challenge me on this, it’s war, well then it is war, going to be war.  I have set up my heart, spirit and soul, but at the same time my elderly mom has health issues, so if I were to engage in such a war with those closest to us, that would hurt her.  You see how my inner conflict would have a ripple effect and become a conflict beyond my own inner world.  Inner war can create all kinds of ripples in the pond, though that does not mean you don’t stand up for yourself or what you believe in.  However, one of the things that I myself am working on is what size stone to throw in the pond at the time, so I don’t cause a tsunami. Conflict within is often the first line of conflict, even in the career arena.  You may feel divided loyalties if you see something that does not seem kosher, part of you is feeling that you should speak up, but that part is in conflict with the part that feels you have bills to pay, family to support, don’t blow it, lay low.  If you get tense etc…, starts to create friction in the workplace with others, so inner conflict unresolved will still find a way to manifest and create issues.  Remember the adage, “Physician heal thyself”, always.

Inner conflict, aligning our heart spirit and soul need to be the first order of things because until we do that, we can’t find harmony with the external.  Those three aspects of self have to resolved, aligned etc.., then external conflicts can more easily be resolved. 

Shalom and Amen

Do I Take the Literally or Metaphorically?


As we come to another Father’s Day and I am brought back to my dad, my childhood, a not so pleasant correlation of dad and goodbye, which left a permanent scar.  Last night, when I got back from having a nice evening with my cousin, who keeps that link alive for me, I was also when we passed by the church went in with the lights dimmed, the quiet of it reminded of my dreams, the ones I spoke about, and whether I should return to the Catholic faith, what were the dreams all about, something started to dawn on me.  There are important words, even in the study of scripture, of any faith tradition, in any reading of any significant undertaking.  They are literal, symbolic, metaphorical, and also discernment, in terms of which is it?  Now what? 

I thought about my spiritual songwriting, when I had discerned stuff about what I did need to do and when I felt closest to God.  I also thought about what the main feel, texture and theme of the dream was, or the main ones were? I also thought of when did I feel most in touch with God, Christ, Holy Spirit, when did even scripture discernment come, even to more deeply understand the juncture of Bible and Constitution?  The main theme/s, feel I would have to say, quiet internal contemplative, in the backdrop of sacred chant.  The sense of peaceful contemplative was so beautiful, wasn’t a religious feel per se, but I felt very close to the Heavens.   I thought of Psalm 23, the Book of Ben Sira, Jesus peaceful and also strong as they came to get him to bring him to his death. These were what resonated with me in these dreams.  Then I thought about the times I most felt scripture spoke to me, and the universe around me spoke to me as an artist, and either very spontaneous, I never plan my writing, or when I was sitting somewhere on the weekend or even during the week with my mini digital recorder listening to meditative contemplative music.  I realized that meditation is along with writing my form of prayers, of discerning, understanding the Bible, scripture, life.  I need to cultivate a more disciplined meditative, contemplative prayer and study path for myself, even if it’s Zen meditation, learning that form of meditation, praying, conversing with God, Christ for the Holy Spirit to help me write material and provide services that will truly impact lives to the max.  The other thing I realized I need to get back that fibromyalgia stole from free has stolen from me in life is community. I want a community that is really going to bring me a sense of peace, of really bringing out the utmost creativity, potential for me to give back to society and make sure that God can see I have not wasted my gifts, talents.   I do believe we each have a purpose and an anointing even when it comes to how to serve others in our humanity, and for me I do feel it is the artistic and in providing some slightly tough love motivational, life coaching.  I will keep you posted on this journey,

Amen and God Bless.

To all the great Dads out there God Bless!

Healthy Boundaries, Huh?

lonely evneing road


As I look at this photo and saw the line it reminded me of boundaries, very crucial to life, liberty etc.., in any context, so I thought about what makes for healthy ones based on what I have learned and then I came across something that resonated about what healthy boundaries looks like, so here it is.   This is what health boundaries might very well look like:

  • Saying NO without guilt
  • Asking for what you need (help, support)
  • Taking care of YOU, always remember the airplane scenario, who do they tell to take the oxygen first the kid or the mom?
  • Behave with ethics and have solid values to guide you
  • Be in a safe space within to express feelings and emotions, viewpoints, but please no tantrums, broken anything
  • Feeling you have a support system to pursue your goals
  • Being responsible for your own happiness and not for that of others
  • Be self aware, be aware of what you are feeling, but not consumed by it
  • Be clear in who you are, what you believe, and want

This is a journey, not something you get to overnight, not always quickly, usually not quickly.  I believe that looking at a few different world views, philosophies and such along with prayer and meditation can be helpful.  For me the one that makes most sense is practical metaphysics and Christianity.  That’s what makes sense to me, and what resonates with me as THE Spiritual Truth for all ages. Not everyone is in agreement with that, okay.  I just need to be clear in myself about what I believe etc.. and if I share it through my music or whatever, fine and if anyone then decides it also resonates with them, okay, welcome.  I also realize I am the only one that can create a solid spiritual life, creative life etc…with some divine intervention and help, to bring me joy, no one can do that for me, and I can’t do it for anyone else, not even my own family, not even my own mom.  I also have had to really learn to put clear boundaries down, even with family, with mom. Life is not meant to be stressed, a pressure cooker, but if we don’t learn to put into place healthy boundaries, then we are going to live in just that.  I will hopefully be offering hypnotherapy sessions and such through fiverr soon I hope, and some baseline coaching along with it.  I truly don’t think our Creator meant us to live in any pressure cookers.

Shalom and Amen

Is it Really Love and Compassion?

Sin Costs You



Sin is missing the mark, that’s what it is.  There are boundaries, lines one should not cross etc… and when they are crossed, and destruction comes to a person, to society, when that crossing of lines, boundaries, morally, ethically etc.. brings pain, heartache, destruction etc… the mark has been missed, sin has occurred.  We can even do wrong for the “right” reasons.  In Ireland they passed a vote in favor of Gay Marriage, now Abortion, they did it out of “compassion” and “social justice”, in their mind, the mind of those who apparently were devout, knew the teachings, devout church going Catholics, were doing the right thing because it was showing compassion, social justice.  Oye!

As a parent one has to make tough decision, same goes if you have elderly parents.  They don’t always like it when you get tough for their own good, but you have to, for their own good.  If a child or a teen decide they want to engage in actions, behaviors that are destructive, or self destructive, even on the surface, even if we think they might be, would we just sit back and let them engage in those activities, actions?  If a teen decides, I lost my favorite parent, time to exit this world stage left, or an older parent, grandparent decides they are tired of the doctors, pills, that portable oxygen tank, time to chuck it all in and be in peace, they tell us they plan on exiting tonight, have it all planned.  Do we decide that the compassionate thing to do is let them do it, because well don’t want them to be sad or inconvenienced etc.., so okay, let me be compassionate and let you exit stage left? Don’t think so.  If I see you running into the street in the middle of a bunch of cars do I just let you do that because well you are so distraught about how your life is going right now, do yeah let me be compassionate and let you end the pain by running head long into the cars, splat. Seriously do I?

Sin is the same thing.  If one is truly a person of deep faith, os scriptural truth, then standing back and being “compassionate”, letting people move in patterns of spiritual self destruct, in that modality is not compassion.  Staying silent, supporting the life of sin is not compassion, it’s being complicit in the destruction of the soul of another.  How is that compassion?  How is that love?  Those who turn a blind eye, who vote to legalize sin etc.. are not being compassionate, and are not being true to scripture, are not at all showing courage to stand with Christ.  What does he say about that?  He says those who deny him he will deny, when they say we did this in your name, he will reject them as vipers.  He doesn’t want just a show on Sunday, he wants a show of courage every day, standing up for scriptural truth, moral truth, and even to recognize when someone has made a turn around, and has embraced him and is now a new creature in Christ.  Is it a lot to ask, may seem so, but with prayer and meditation, assistance of the heavenly hosts, Holy Spirit, not really. It’s not too hard, not really.



Ask and Ye Shall Receive, OK




Many of the things that have occurred with friend, family I have foreseen in my dreams, even stuff with my own life.  I have asked always the Creator of our amazing universe etc.. to lead me home spiritually, to show me where I am to be, and I admit I have a strong rebellious streak, so I am not always the most cooperative daughter when the Lord communicates.  I have been resistant to the Roman Catholic Church, think mainly as I said as a rejection of my childhood roots in a way, I have had this love-hate relationship not with the Holy Trinity etc.., but the Church, the bureaucracy, and because it is the faith of my family, and that relationship has always been rocky on all sides.  What do do?

I could Just go the Protestant route right or spiritual, not religious, right. I have tried that, done that. Here’s the thing, when I meditate and ask for the truth, truth of scripture, of where God’s true home is, I keep having dreams of being in a Roman Catholic Cathedral being blessed and cleansed with incense.  I have been fighting even in these dreams that no, I don’t do religion, bureaucracy all that jazz, that I have areal issues with this liberal progressive nutty Pope, so thanks but no thanks. The dreams keep on coming, so I have to decide with my receiving songs, poetry as I have through spur of the moment intuitive almost trance like moments, in the moment instincts that have been spot on, dreams foreseeing stuff in regards to my family, friends, myself, do I ignore these dreams, continue to stay away from the faith, the Roman Catholic Church, or do I stop rebelling, listen to message I keep getting? I believe in the bio ethics, pro life etc.. teachings not because I have to, because it’s my family’s faith, since a number of them are liberal, don’t honor the doctrines and true teachings, but because they are a beautiful truth of faith and reason that resonate.  I love Gregorian Chant Music, and when they have the Latin Mass, I find it absolutely beautiful.  I have a choice to make, keep rebelling, or surrender to the Holy Spirit, what I am being guided to, hmmm what will I do?  I will continue meditating, contemplating and perhaps say a rosary or two, attend Mass this week, or a Legion of Mary meeting with Rosary said during, see how that feels, that goes.  We shall see how I navigate this, we shall see.

Shalom and Amen

Why A Declaration and Bill?

Constitution is To Refrain Covt

The this is is just one of many such quotes one can find as well as quotes such as this one:

Declaration and PRecepts of Christ


Why did they feel this way? Think Law and Order, boundaries, foundations.  Think of relationships, families, even a business.  Can any of these truly operate without a firm solid foundation of principles of operation?  Can they do so in any healthy way? No, not really.  When the framers, founders created the system of government, they realized that they had to have a firm foundation of law and order, they turned biblical principles found in Exodus, Romans and other biblical writings, as well as the writings of John Locke Locke was extremely interested in the Bible, and he was engaged by biblical theology and religion throughout his life, though atheists will argue otherwise. 

Importance of the bible.

A blueprint is important in any journey, and for our founders, creators of this Republic, please can we get this straight not democracy, republic, they used biblical principles as their guide and prayed often, so when any politician or activist decides they are going to throw away the principles of the Republic, the core, the Constitution, Federalism, the Supremacy Clause, all these things, they are throwing away our very identity, our very heritage.  When anyone tries to wipe out Christianity from America, remove any trace of the founding fathers, they are removing the very identity of America.   The immigration debate, all of it with Conservatives, including Evangelicals on the one side and Progressives and such on the other, so called Social Justice Warriors in government in the Churches fail to acknowledge that the Bible places restraints and boundaries, which our framers were very well aware of, hence us being a Republic, not a Democracy, which gives greater restraint, or is supposed to to government, and also in a sense to the people, so they don’t get into a great dependency on government, so they have minimal dependency on government and most of the charity and all that is left to community and faith institutions. The founders, framers understood you had to have clear boundaries in government, within government, between government and the people, hence the Second Amendment as George Washington pointed out:

Second Amendment Rights

Does this mean we don’t have any laws at all? No, but the framers were aware that a government is made up of people and people can get power hungry, can start to see the populace as, the little people who know nothing and we need to control, and two ways to control is create lawlessness, including end all strong sense of faith and religion in the nation and second practically or actually destroy the 2nd Amendment.  If you an destroy the moral restraint on a society, and anything goes, and then take away the 2nd Amendment, you break down family, all things tradition and then take away arms, right o bear arms, you can then have a dictatorship, even one disguised as democracy.  Free will is a very important gift given to us, so the money, sex, the guns, the internet, none of that is the problem, it’s the flaws of human character that are the problem, and when you take away any all restraints nationally, personally, on all levels, when law and order internally or externally no longer matter, when borders no longer matter, moral, national ones of any kind, we no longer have a society that functions.  The founders, framers understood this, which is why when a lady told one of the framers how wonderful it was we had a Republic his response was “if you can keep it”.  He was skeptical that the Biblical and Christian principles, the Constitutional, Bill of Rights, Federalist Republic would withstand human corruption and judging from the level of sin and crap going on in the world, in our own nation, he wasn’t just whistling dixie as they say.  I hope and pray we can learn about those principles, about law and order, even natural moral law and get out nation, our world back on track, destroy all socialism, all those crappy isms.   This I hope and pray.


Why This Matters


While I am not overly religious, though I do believe the study of Scripture, of the Bible as well as metaphysics from a philosophy and science viewpoint have a lot to teach, offer and I do accept Christ as the Messiah within my faith paradigm.  This matters because of the privilege of living in a Constitutional Democratic Republic with a Bill of Rights which included intertwined Freedom of Speech, Assembly and Religion.  Notice very carefully it does not say Freedom of Worship.  This matters, the semantics here matter, but why?  Freedom of Worship would have meant only freedom to worship within the walls of one’s church, temple etc…Freedom of Religion mans printing religious material, expressing in private and public the tenets of my faith, it’s a broader Constitutional right.  Our Founders were also clear that the government could not establish a government church the way England has done.  Within the Freedom of Religion, one still has to adhere to zoning and other laws, but what this protects is the broader right of conscience, so that no one is forced to violate their true religious conscience.  If one went into a business that was run by atheist and demanded services that were better suited to the Christian run business down the street or three blocks over, that atheist business owner has the right by his conscience to say, this Easter Display is not something we are comfortable doing, but the guy three blocks down, great guy, tell him I sent you, and to give you a good price.  Guess what the Constitution protects his right to do so so.  Some will interpret this to mean you should be a spiteful brat, or worse and just refuse service outright to anyone who is not of your faith etc…, NOOOOOOO, not the ethical thing to do, nor the right thing.  You have to be discerning, so is it right for Church of Satan to want to have a Mass on sacred Christian ground or in a Catholic venue, NO, that is not religious freedom, that’s just spite.  However, with this ruling, the venue, Christian venue has every right to say, NO, this is in violation of our faith principles, and we do not give a permit for this.  Atheist, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist have the right to say, I am not comfortable doing this job, taking on this project etc…and we have to respect that.  That is what living in a Constitutional Republic is about.

Have To Let It…

Let IT....jpg

No one likes pain and as someone who deals with fibromyalgia every day, pain on some level every day, it’s not fun.  Childhood lots of pain there, dad leaving when I was a kid, lots of baggage there, my relationship with my mom, complicated, lots of love, BFFs but also lots of tension because we clash and since she always had limited English skills depended a lot on me because of that, I have always lived with her. Relationships, not a lot of good stuff there either to remember, some moments here and there, though that really is down to my own not so wise choices. 

Pain is something we don’t like, and emotional pain, spiritual pain, even less, so the tendency might be to numb it, run from it, but that never resolved, never leads to growing, understanding, discerning etc.. When emotional etc.. pain is there, even some levels of physical pain, not talking major levels, but small scale, rather than run to numb it right away, what if we let ourselves hurt, let ourselves engage with the pain through meditation, prayer, as we listened to specific meditation music or sacred music?  What if we engaged to understand where the pain was coming from, really coming from?  Is the pain really about the fact that a person is no longer in your life, that they are not “loving you” the way you want them to love, want you etc..? Is that really it, maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t?  Is it really that you didn’t get the job, promotion etc…, maybe, possibly?  Maybe if you have this constant pain and aching within, it’s not about that, but about baggage you never faced, came to terms with.  Maybe we never let ourselves hurt, bleed and let go.  It’s not comfortable to do.  It’s not a comfortable journey, looking deep into our heart, spirit and soul.  If we feel resentful about stuff we have to do for another, for anything in our life that is ongoing, why is that? For some it might be that anger with self at lost opportunities, opportunities not taken, for others it might be something different. The letting go part is crucial, looking deep and discerning is crucial, even with physical pain, so for example if we are constantly putting yourself in situations where we are ending up hurt, peril, why is that, something might be going on if we are constantly breaking something, spraining something etc…one too many close calls.  If we refuse to see the doctor when others are saying we really need to go because we look like hell and we know we feel like hell, but are ignoring signs that something is not right.  We may find all kinds of excuses, too busy, whatever.  What is really going on, really?  We might be having a busy season at work, but no time to schedule a doctor’s appointment, really? Don’t think so.   Now there are centers, places open Saturday, so no excuses.  Appointments can even be made online.  Even when we get news in life that is not so great, hurt, bleed, find a room, place where you can cry, scream, punch some pillows, write a letter to God about how pissed off you are, get it out, fine, bleed, then figure out constructively how to move forward, move on.  If there is baggage from the past, where you feel the not good enough etc..self talking or that of others kicking in you write to self, “Dear Negative Self, shut the hell up with all this negative crap, no one is buying what you are selling.  I know as a child of the Most High Creator of this Amazing Universe what you are saying is bull.  Yes I make mistakes, but I am willing to learn from them, so take that and stuff it”  Read it over and over, envision all that negative self talk, and all negative behaviors, patterns, we all have them, hence sin, missing the mark, being incinerated. 

Hurt, bleed, move forward, move on!