Change or Inspire to Change?

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We have heard it said that love can move mountains and change a person, but is that accurate to say, in other words can you really force anyone to change, make anyone change, force life, people  to go in a direction contrary to the direction it is anointed to go in?   Should you for that matter?  When we think of transforming lives, persons for the greater good, or even society, very noble, but can we really force change, and is that a good thing always?  We see the change of subjective truth, reality and morality, society forcing change on this front and what that has done to society, family.  Even at the individual level, if you want a person to change their behavior patterns, negative ones, destructive ones, is the best way to push and try and force it, or to be a positive example of what a happy, healthy, life of constructive, wise, sacred wisdom choices looks like?  There are some things we need to consider before jumping in to automatically change someone overnight and an article  I came across, a few of them really stood out to me.  

Outlook, we have different outlooks and viewpoints that are sometimes based on our life experiences, which might be vastly different and so it might be a good idea if we tried to understand why that other person views the world as they do.  If their family has come from a history and personal experience of constant persecution, they might see a boogey man around every corner.  We might think it’s silly, but not to them, so understanding that might help to figure out an approach.  Motivation, what’s your motivation?  Do you want them to change because you genuinely want what’s best for them, or a selfish ulterior motive? might want to check that because motive matters.  The energy you are putting into trying to change them by force will only take away from any progress you could be making with yourself and your life, which could be an example to them, which cold inspire change.  You’ve heard the saying “Be careful what you wish for”.  Well, if you don’t understand why they see it as they do, have a very selfish motive for wanting to see changes in their lives etc…you may end up with changes that you then find are not what you expected and you may end up regretting having forced changes.  Any change, transformation has to come from within.  That doesn’t mean you can’t inspire through words, actions etc.. in your own life, but any change anyone makes, even your own kids, it has to come from within, from their own free will.  Pray, meditate, be a great example, admit also when you screw up, but also be an example of growing , learning, changing for the better.  That is the best way we can change anyone and by setting boundaries of what behavior we will and will not tolerate in our lives.  Be an example, don’t force, manipulate, just live and have clear boundaries that won’t waiver.

Shalom and Amen

Love, Freedom and Home

Freedom and Home You FInd

One of the beautiful lessons that I hope comes with age is that you can’t make anyone love or like you, that my friends is futile.  Either you will be their cup of tea or you won’t and same goes with others, once you have had some time to know them.  Some people, well they just light up a room when they enter, have a really impacting personality more than others.  That’s okay. 

Love you come to realize, even the romantic kind on which you build a life long companionship, or that in families is a gift, never coerced, shouldn’t be and is never gained through deceit or anything like that.  Love that is truly love is given and received very naturally, very organically, no need to feel guilt about it, or coerced and it truly does feel heart, spirt and soul a place of safety, feels like home.  That’s been something I have to come to understand, love is a gift, the right person, right union etc… has to be one that is a free exchange of effort, time, energy etc… mutually and it mutually feels like home.  Otherwise, it’s not a pure and true love, not a healthy love or relationship.  Sometimes we do have to go through a few wrong ones or a long stretch of an unhealthy one in life to realize this, just the way it is.  Hopefully sooner rather than later we realize it and we see that love if not given freely, joyfully etc… is not love and if that relationship does not feel totally safe and like home, not a good one.  We tend to want the constant rush of excitement, and while I absolutely believe that a physical attraction matters, that having a great connection on different levels matters, again if the love can not mutually, is not mutually given fully, freely, it is a healthy love and it can not be home.  Home, true home safe, vibrant, joyful and warm is where we should all want to be.

Amen

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The Fading Away

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As I look around and as I look at life I see, what do I see?

I see vague memories,

Flower in a book of long ago, a fabric of a favorite dress,

Now faded, so you can’t quite tell the color that it once was.

I see faded parchment, paper that now is yellowish, delicate to the touch,

Stars that are no longer shining in the sky,

Day that goes into night,

And night that goes into day.

That is what I see.

 

Just as these things fade in life,

I have seen people fade out and away,

Bonds that one thought were deep and strong,

They slowly faded until they were but a distant memory.

In some cases it was because truth was spoken that could not be accepted,

In others, who knows, one day suddenly there was silence,

No particular incident or reason, just silence.,

Day into night, night into day, a fading away.

 

Intelligence, Is It About Books, Facts?

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We often think of intelligence as knowledge of facts, as if knowing facts or being passionate about a cause, for the sake of the cause, makes for  intelligence.  Well, no it doesn’t.  Intelligence is not about how much information you know or retain, nor how passionate you are about a cause just because you are.  Intelligence is more complex than that, so when I came across this, ti really spoke to me.  When coaching, teaching, ministering, parenting,  in relationships, intimate ones, it might be a good idea to try and understand which of these intelligences a person is operating from, so we can interact accordingly.  I hope this chart can be helpful to us in our interactions with others, as interactions with others can be baffling at times.

Amen

What Kind of Spark?

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I have thought about this spark thing and what kind of spark makes for life partnership?  Is a life partner spark that one that kind that of someone who makes you jump out of your skin, someone with whom you have everything in common with?  Hmm, well, I think it’s a very personal thing, what may be sparkline to me, may not be sparkline to someone else.  If there is someone with whom there are things in common, but also things not in common so that we learn from each other, we open new doors to each other that’s a great connection.  Also great is a connection that is very comfortable, very sweet, warm, we can easily connect, talk to each other, pretty much from the beginning,  It’s someone that for me I would have been comfortable with from day one, challenges me to be a better me, to explore my dreams, gifts, talents, even if they never said a word to me,  Though there might be differences on some things, the key points we are on the same page, at least in principle, even if not on the mechanism of how to achieve it, not right away.  It’s a relationship where though we are one, we also have clear separate identities and also have separate activities, we are not glued at the hip, though we do share a lot of activities and stuff.  We are also very supportive of each other’s goals and dreams, finding a way to align them with our life together somehow in a way that is always good for the relationship.   That’s the core of what I see as a soulmate relationship.  What about the spark, the fire and all that?  Depends on what you mean by that.  The spark could be spark in terms of something where every time you see the person your heart jumps, you et all shaky and wooo hoooo, kind of thing.  Spark could also be where every time you see them, you get all warm and fuzzy inside and feel really glad to see them, want to give them the biggest bear hug every and just be in their arms all day and all night.  Spark can mean different things for different relationships at different stages of life and depending on the people involved.  It’s a companion, a friend, a stable and secure relationship one you can lean on, trust and depend on to help you through life. There’s a mutual feeling of love and respect and a sense of being in sync with each others needs and wants.   It may be that we find this union early on in life or it may be we are meant to find it much later in life.  Once you do find each other, pray that the Lord finds a way to unite you that is beautiful and sacred.   Doesn’t mean you won’t have disagreements, but if you are “the one” for each other you will navigate the storms pretty easily and without causing damage to the other, or to the relationship and will gowo in love even more over time.

Shalom and Amen

Bravery of Setting Free

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We often feel that if we love something or someone we must hold on tight, so so tight, or bend truth to accommodate until truth is not longer recognizable.    Of course that is the gut response, even when it comes to faith, to core faith values, to patterns, relationships.  When it comes to faith, we sometimes want to hold on so tight to congregations, rather leaders do, that truth, biblical truth gets lost, thrown out the window in the name of PC and Inclusivity.  In relationships, we sometimes are so convinced we have to hold on because of duty or because if we love them, we have to hold on, have to fight, even when it is dead, long dead, and thus we cause misery to all.  Not to say one shouldn’t do one’s best to make things work and to treat people in the faith community with general human empathy and such, but not to the point you destroy the truth of scripture.  In our own dreams and pursuit, we may be grasping at straws so stubborn in what we want and not moving in the path we are supposed be moving in.   Sometimes the best way to love ourselves, others, is to say “I am letting you go, letting you walk out that door.  God Bless and Goodbye”  That includes faith institutions and entities, no watering down Biblical Truth, or Constitutional Truth or History, none of it, sometimes you have to be willing to shrink your church etc… and stand by the truth no matter what.  Is it always fun to let go, to say goodbye, even to dreams we had if those dreams are not meant to be our dreams?  Yes, yes it is, but sometimes in the long run you have to say goodbye for the greater, greatest good of all and for truth.

Shalom and Amen

What Kind of Relationship?

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I thought about what kind of relationship I want in terms of my life partner again and it has to have key components:

  • Strong spiritual component
  • Make our union a strong priority, making it flow
  • Be each other’s cheerleader, even as we are honest with each other
  • Have an artistic component
  • Be each other’s friend, have that foundation
  • Make mutual effort to be part of each other’s day to day life
  • Have a solid commitment, also be free spirited

It’s important we have a strong spiritual base of foundation, even if it’s meditating to classical music together daily, some kind of spiritual base and having similar principles in terms of a worldview. These key ingredients are important if I am going to have a partnership in life and maybe that person I can have this kind of relationship with has not shown up yet.  Of course there has to be lots of great chemistry and electricity, that would be super great.  I hope that soon, very soon, God can bless me with this union, relationship that starts off with a strong friendship, our making time for each other and then it moves to the next level organically.  That is one of my prayers.   I know I am 51 and I could lose all hope, but I refuse to and believe there is such a relationship for me, just a matter of my praying and meditating to draw it to me, to being open to it.

Amen

 

Those Afraid of Truth

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I don’t remember much about the movie A Few Good Men, except for the line that Nicholas tells Cruise, “The truth, you can’t handle the truth”  It is a line that rings very true to life because we say we want honesty, truth all of that, but yet we afraid to accept it, even to share it about how we feel., what is truly happening.  We see this with Clinton, Comey, McCabe and in life often, even in marriages, where the marriage is dead, can’t be saved but people will lie to themselves.  We may see it in that we have feelings for others, but are too scared to say anything or have this notion of it has to be the perfect timing, setting, scenario etc… so we say nothing, time passes, though the electricity fills the room each time we them, we say nothing because not ideal something.   When others also are honest, sincere in saying what they feel, or in saying it’s time to close a door to something long dead for the sanity, health etc.. of all, don’t want to hear that, no.  Truth, honesty, we say we want it, but no, even the news media if we look at cable will often tell us what we want to hear, not stick to plain facts, distinguish news from opinion, trust us to take the facts, put them together and form our own opinion of what the hell is going on and vote etc… accordingly.  Truth, rare commodity, really is liquid gold, which is a pity, real pity.

OY!

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It’s easy to live a lie, for any one of us to be determined to not see or hear truth.  The truth, even prophetic, word of knowledge, strongly intuitive, connect the dots, all these truths should be embraced for guidance, should be, but are often not.  Why not? 

We have dreams, illusions and all that jazz going on, so when someone comes at us with any truth that we feel sabotages that, messes with that, we don’t want to hear it, not from the Holy Spirit, not from others.  An article I came across spoke on this subject and pointed out  that besides the defense mechanisms employed with frightening regularity, we have grown into a culture that, despite proclaiming a desire for the truth, would actually prefer to be lied to.  Say what, we want to be lied to?  Think about it, now schools want everyone to feel special so even effort awards are given, all kinds of stuff like this.  The problem the article points out is two fold the problem is twofold: first, as a culture we’ve come to expect to be spared our feelings at the cost of the truth, to be lied to. Second, defense mechanisms and other aspects of perception work to keep the individual in an illusion which is intended to be better than reality.  We tell people white lies all the time to make them feel better, even to ourselves fighting against the path anointed to us, determined to go the path we want at all cost.  We talk about keeping it real, or even receiving divine guidance, inspiration, but many of us might prefer the illusion rather than the reality of things. 

What happens when a friend won’t feed any of that and will give the truth on any level as they see it, are given in word of knowledge for you, any of that?  The person has to be honest enough to say it as is, especially with big picture stuff.  If they are all excited about a certain event, the dress they chose, or ask about weight, well you may have to be a bit diplomatic.  In general if you are going to be a true parent, spouse even friend, you need to be willing to share these types of truths, not in a yelling screaming way, but straight forward as you can.  If the other person is unwilling to embrace that, you may find a cold and frozen wall in front of you.  That’s okay, just keep praying and keep speaking these truths, as certain things go of course be sure you have the factual info.  If you find you feel you always have to say what the other wants to hear, can’t be honest, truthful with that person, well you may have to accept a walking away.  At some point they will realize the truth is preferable to mere illusion.  That is not to say you don’t encourage a person’s gifts etc… but always do so in a way that is of truth, be at peace with that.

Shalom and Amen

Anger and Faith, Oh My

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A book was recently written “The Lost Shepherd” regarding Pope Francis, his Papacy.  We have vatican officials close to this Pope raging at anyone who questions what the heck this Pope and the Vatican is doing, violations of core magisterium.  It seems this Papal posse can’t handle the truth, doesn’t like to be told what’s what, lashes out, those around the Pope like Spadaro act like spoiled brats. So, is it “wrong” to be angry, ever?   Yes, it is.   However, it’s all about point of reference for that anger, and such, which is why in the faith community there is the term righteous anger.  What is righteous anger?  It is a reactive emotion of anger over mistreatment, insult, or malice of another, and even self. For example as a Church, the body of Christ when church leaders contradict bible truth about marriage, family etc… anger is justified.  When government violates the Constitution, especially as a pattern, anger is absolutely justified.  When there is actual mistreatment of people, helpless animals, cruelty, yes anger is justified.  If a child is being neglected etc.., or an elderly person, all of this is cause for anger, it’s righteous anger.  If you are getting passed over constantly at work for those less qualified because they “kiss up”, yes you would be angry and rightly so, wouldn’t you be? Anger can be the correct response or a dangerous emotional reaction. The nature of anger is defined by the motivation and the state of the heart. Anger over issues that would anger God, such as crime, abortion, pornography, abuse, oppression, and so on, is justifiable and can cause positive action.  Jails are full because of anger. Men and women rage at their kids, kids at everyone else because of anger. Families are destroyed because of anger etc….Women rage against men being taught that the Patriarchy is responsible for all ills in life and society, with no one seeming to be willing to take responsibility for their own lives and screws ups, no one willing to hear truth biological, scriptural or otherwise.    If one of faith and spiritual life is wondering what the heck is the difference between righteous and unrighteous anger this chart might help http://www.jerseygrace.org/studies/gtsn_right.html

There is also another factor, reaction, response.  Those troubled by the Pope have written him letters, have written books to try and get him to see truth, and taken different steps to bring him back to Magisterium truth.  In our government here in the U.S., we are seeing exposed wrong doings of various government agencies and hopefully constructive overhauls will take place, changes made to different systems that truly benefit all, or the majority.  People have taken to social media to put pressure and it seems to work.  Then you have the attempt to silence free speech by intimidating businesses into severing ties with the NRA when the problem is not the weapons, it’s people and society, bureaucracy breakdowns.  You have an education system that does not allow for vigorous debate and disagreement, speaking of truth, even if that truth hurts, offends, and that’s not a good sign for society, not at all.  When there is anger for whatever reason, including not liking truths told, it’s not the anger that is the issue, it’s whether it’s within the parameter of righteous anger or not and also the response that matter.  We should ask ourselves these questions based on the parameters of righteous vs unrighteous anger:  Is my anger truly justified?  Is my anger to intense for me to be in right mind at this time?  Am I too quick to anger?  Does my anger last too long?   If the answer is yes to more than one of these, to all of these, then we need to do some serious meditating, praying, etc…, 

Shalom and Amen