Role of Christ Consciousness in Identity

Garden

In my last article I talked about Christ Consciousness through us. How we can realize the fact that the true God is not outside but within. As I move further with topic, I would like to ask you a thing. How many times have you faced identity crisis? How many times you wanted desperately to become someone you hoped to be and found out later that you had become someone entirely different? What is it that I hear? It never happened to you? Well if it did, this article is here to help you. If it never happened, I tell you there is still a treat in store for you.

Christ Consciousness as described by many is a state of enlightenment, divine merge with God. It is an important fact to be noted that the enlightenment reaches not to us by automatic process, rather we choose to evolve. Everyone faces spiritual crisis and hardships in life. All signs can be easily ignored should we go back to our unrefined old selves. It is us who choose to see where we need changing in our thinking and life pattern.

For proper transformation spiritually, we have to admit the fact that we change in our consciousness as well as our identity. Christ Consciousness is as described a divine process of enlightenment. It is state of merging with God. I told you in my last discussion that Lord Jesus taught us the divine truth. God is within us. We have access to God power as much as the next person may that be a religious or a normal colleague. That being said, what about our identity? Now here is what the topic becomes really interesting. Our identity is who we are. As we spiritually ascend our former selves, we realize that boundaries between us and God are becoming blurred. God is within us. As St. Teresa spoke of transformation being process of finding self in God and God in self. Then what is self originally?

It is to be told to the dear reader that Christ Consciousness is not the root of confusion between God and self. Quite the contrary! We realize how through seeking change within us, we are imperfect. How much we have to realize that the only way to reach God is through self-seeking process. We realize that each human is a walking treasure. Each human being has God within self. As we awaken, we become more aware of our likes and dislikes as we are challenged to change them. We realize the divine truth that God accesses each of us separately. No two souls are same. Our soul is manifestation of Lord’s love. Every person has a different role to play. Therefore, God has different enlightenment planned for everyone. What may work for me, may not work exactly same for my brothers and sisters. Therefore, through self-seeking, by realizing our own potential and essence, we solidify our identity and then reach the God within.

Quote Reflection of the Day

misty sky

“Immature love says “I love you because I need you.  Mature love says I love  because I love you”  Erich Fromm

This is one of the life lessons I have had to learn, come to understand in life, and it is not an easy one.  What is the difference, aren’t loving and needing, wanting all the same? Well, heck no.  When you want and need someone, it’s a reliance, which if you are a child, even a young teen certain wants and needs are understandable because you are not a self sufficient adult.  However want/love and need in a relationship, depending on the degree and the dynamics of the relationship can be quite a suffocating experience.  When you need someone, you forgo your independence, on their attention, what they think of you etc…and in some cases are totally reliant on them to where you have no self.  You lose the ability and desire to complete basic tasks by yourself, you forget what it’s like to be alone with your thoughts, and you can barely remember a time when you were capable of existing alone.  Every decision you make revolves around them, around being with them, phone calls you might get from them, it’s as if you disappear as a person.  You literally might feel like a piece of you is going to be ripped out of you if they are not connecting to you every day etc… , as an extreme.  It’s a sense of they are your daily bread and breath and you literally can’t survive without them, that’s how you feel and may even take it to an extreme.  God does not want that kind of toxic connection in our lives not for us to feel that way or someone to feel that way about us.  That is not love, that’s want and need, but not love. Love looks different. 

What does love look like? You start with want, but what does that mean?  It starts with wanting to know them as a person, what they are about, their likes and dislikes, goals, hopes, dreams and hopefully they feel the same.  It’s a journey that helps you grow as a person and even maybe discover some stuff about yourself.  You are both complete persons, not looking for the other to heal you, make you whole etc…  You enjoy each other, learn together and from each other.  You create memories, and share memories.   You want to be there for each other, but are not needy, not demanding of each other with a laundry list of “must do”.  You inspire the other to want to do things for you and vice versa, care for you, pick up your meds on their way to work because it’s no biggie, they want to do that for you.  It’s where in a crisis they are your cheerleader to move forward, see you through the dark tunnel and help you to gain insight, faith and strength in those situations.  

Love and Want are different from Need, Neediness  I hope that the Lord gives me the gift of a great companion soon to share my life with someone who I will want and love, and they me with maturity, mutual maturity. 

Amen

 

Fight or Flight, Which Will It Be?

Baptism of Fire

As I look at my life, relationship with my mom, her’s with my dad, his with his family, all sorts of things, including a certain situation I am working through where I see collaboration as being much more a spiritual, emotional etc.. full force deep connection in order for the professional to thrive, the other person not seeing it that way or fearing that deep few, but deep connections situation, this article caught my eye and so I thought I would share it with you.  There are times when after you have done all you can to make something work, flight is the only option.

Fight or Flight in Relationship Conflict

The fight or flight response is a natural response to danger. Our bodies are created to fight or flee when danger is upon us, such as being attacked by a mountain lion. When faced with this kind of danger, the stress hormones pour into our body, causing some blood to leave our brains and organs and go into our arms and legs. This is vital to us if we are actually being attacked by a mountain lion or a mugger. The problem is that this same response occurs when we become afraid in other situations, such as conflict with a partner.

When in conflict with a partner, we need to have the full capacity of our minds to deal rationally and lovingly with the situation. Yet the moment we become afraid, some of the blood leaves our brain, we cannot think as well, and we automatically go into fight or flight. That is when partners tend to fight or withdraw, neither of which leads to conflict resolution.

Obviously, fighting or fleeing is not the best way of dealing with conflict. Yet when fears are triggered – fears of losing the other through rejection or abandonment, or of losing yourself and being controlled by your partner – the stress response is automatically activated and you find yourself fighting or shutting down. Now matter how much you tell yourself that next time you will respond differently, the moment fear is activated you automatically attack, defend, yell, blame, or shut down through compliance or withdrawal.

What can you do about this?

There are two solutions to this dilemma.

The moment there is tense energy between you and your partner, it is best for both of you to walk away from the conflict for at least 15 minutes. During this time, you can calm down and do some inner work. As the stress response leaves your body, you can think better. This allows you to open to learning about your end of the conflict. Once you are clear about what you are doing that is causing the problem and what you need to do differently, you can reconnect with your partner and talk it out. Sometimes there is not even anything to talk out because the conflict was about the fight or flight rather than about a specific issue. More often than not, it is the stress response itself that is the issue. When you take the time to calm down, you might be able to apologize for your anger, blame, defensiveness or withdrawal, and the conflict is over.

The second solution is a longer-term solution. This is about doing enough inner work, such as the Inner Bonding process that we teach, so that your fears of rejection, abandonment, and engulfment gradually diminish. The more you learn to value yourself rather than expect your partner to define your worth and lovability, the less fear you have of rejection. The more you learn to take loving care of your own feelings and needs, the less dependent you are upon your partner. When your fear of rejection diminishes, so does your fear of engulfment. People give themselves up and allow themselves to be controlled and consumed by their partner as a way of avoiding rejection. When rejection is no longer so frightening, you will find that your fear of being controlled diminishes.

The less fear you have, the less you will be triggered into the stress response of fight or flight. The more secure you feel within due to learning to value yourself and learning to take loving care of yourself, the less fear you will feel in the face of conflict. This is when you stop being so reactive and are able to remain open and caring in the face of conflict.

There is no point in continuing a conflict when one or both of you are coming from fear. Continuing a conflict when the fight or flight response is activated will only erode your relationship. Until you can stay open-hearted in a conflict, it is best to continue to follow through on the first solution – taking a time-out until you feel open-hearted.Fight or

When A Marriage Must Dissolve

lightening

When a marriage is totally dead, can not be revived is toxic to one or both, is creating ill health etc… and must be dissolved, it is never a happy moment, that moment of realization that this is what must take place, but once you do realize it, then what?  As a child of divorce, not an amicable one, with mom still expressing her bitter thoughts and inability to forgive to this day and making me very uncomfortable and feeling caught in the middle, I am going to discuss this topic.

My advice to both parties to begin with, put your friggin big boy and big girl pants on.  Yes, it sucks when stuff ends, when after putting time and energy into something it dies and has to be walked away from, but newsfalsh you are not the first and you are not going to be the last that is dealing with that situation, so cut the pity party.  What do you do?  GET A GOOD LAWYER, NOT ONE OF VENGEANCE, one who will be objective, fair and make sure you are, and your soon to be ex is.  Get very clear, very centered, very fast, very grown up very fast, very practical very fast, and figure how to move on with dignity, nobility and self respect.  Meditate, pray, put together a plan for moving forward and then stick to it.  Also, get a good lawyer, even a good pro bono lawyer, and with the Internet, you can research and find a licensed with good reviews pro bono lawyer, even with angies list you can find a lawyer with good reviews in your areas.  If you have kids, for goodness sakes, children, stay in adult mode, don’t care how old your kids are, leave them out of your war, it’s your war, not theirs, don’t make it theirs, don’t make it so they have to choose sides, if you do, you are truly losers in every sense in the situation and so are they.  This is my two cents of advice as a child of divorce, not a friendly one.  I also wanted to research and so I am sharing this article.

https://www.cheatsheet.com/health-fitness/the-best-divorce-advice-ive-ever-received.html/?a=viewall

Articulating Feelings, Why So Hard?

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The Journey That is Life.

Some can articulate what they are thinking and feeling quite easily, openly, no problem, particularly through the arts, through blogging, even in conversation.  Others, like there a wall and they might joke around a lot and all that, but any real exchange of feelings etc…, any deep connecting, forget it and so any substantial collaboration or significant friendship of deep spiritual nature, not happening, not because you may not want that or think it wouldn’t be great.  Why the difficulty for some with heart to heart open communication, connection etc..?  I wondered and did some research and I came across an article.  There are ten core reasons.

Not everyone finds expressing their feelings easy or having it come naturally. While the stereotype is that men have the hardest time expressing their emotions, everyone at one time or another in their life may find it difficult to say how they feel.

Learning why you have trouble expressing your feelings can go a long way into changing that behavior. Saying how you feel is something you can learn how to do, just as readily as you can learn how to fix a faucet or mend a button on a shirt. Here are ten common reasons why people find it difficult to express their emotions to someone else.

1. Conflict Phobia

You are afraid of angry feelings or conflicts with people. You may believe that people with good relationships should not engage in verbal “fights” or intense arguments. In addition, you may believe that disclosing your thoughts and feelings to those you care about would result in their rejection of you. This is sometimes referred to as the “ostrich phenomenon” — burying your head in the sand instead of addressing relationship problems.

2. Emotional Perfectionism

You believe that you should not have feelings such as anger, jealousy, depression, or anxiety. You think you should always be rational and in control of your emotions. You are afraid of being exposed as weak and vulnerable. You believe that people will belittle or reject you if they know how you really feel.

3. Fear of Disapproval and Rejection

You are so terrified by rejection and ending up alone that you would rather swallow your feelings and put up with some abuse than take the chance of making anyone mad at you. You feel an excessive need to please people and to meet what you perceive to be their expectations. You are afraid that people would not like you if you expressed your thoughts and feelings.

4. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

You pout and hold your hurt or angry feelings inside instead of disclosing what you feel. You give others the silent treatment, which is inappropriate, and a common strategy to elicit feelings of guilt (on their part).

5. Hopelessness

You are convinced that your relationship cannot improve no matter what you do. You may feel that you have already tried everything and nothing works. You may believe that your spouse (or partner) is just too stubborn and insensitive to be able to change. These positions represent a self-fulfilling prophecy–once you give up, an established position of hopelessness supports your predicted outcome.

6. Low Self-Esteem

You believe that you are not entitled to express your feelings or to ask others for what you want. You think you should always please other people and meet their expectations.

7. Spontaneity

You believe that you have the right to say what you think and feel when you are upset. (Generally, feelings are best expressed during a calm and structured or semi-structured exchange.) Structuring your communication does not result in a perception that you are “faking” or attempting to inappropriately manipulate others.

8. Mind Reading

You believe that others should know how you feel and what you need (although you have not disclosed what you need). The position that individuals close to you can “divine” what you need provides an excuse to engage in non-disclosure, and thereafter, to feel resentful because people do not appear to care about your needs.

9. Martyrdom

You are afraid to admit that you are angry, hurt, or resentful because you do not want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that her or his behavior is unacceptable. Taking pride in controlling your emotions and experiencing hurt or resentment does not support clear and functional communication.

10. Need to Solve Problems

When you have a conflict with an individual (i.e., your needs are not being met), avoiding the associated issues is not a functional solution. Disclosing your feelings and being willing to listen without judgment to the other is constructive.

Reference:

Burns, D.D. (1989). The feeling good handbook. New York: William Morrow.

Tools For Dealing with Criticism, Rejection

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Everyone has dealt with feelings of rejection, criticism in some form or another and often it is hard to process, and if one has had rejection in childhood, then it is like being prickled with thorns.  I came across this article and I hope it helps and gives insight.

10 Tools for Dealing with Criticism and Rejection

Ouch! Whether it’s feedback we’ve asked for, an unsolicited remark called out from the audience or a simple “no” result of an audition or submission process, criticism and rejection are a huge part of our lives as creative artists.

Sometimes we’re so fearful of being criticized or rejected that we keep our creativity bottled up and don’t let it out.

Other times we constantly adapt what we create, focusing only on the “market” and what they seem to be liking or disliking this week. Then we end up feeling like we’re not truly expressing our creative impulses.

10 Tools for Dealing with Criticism and Rejection

1. Be Open. You may be hoping for a specific reaction or response to your work, or a specific result of an audition, gallery submission, performance or contest entry. If you’ve done your best and you’re rejected or criticized, you might feel that you’ve “failed”, and it’s probably hard to see anything positive about the situation. Try to be open to the possibility that this “failure” is actually leading you to something else, usually better than what you thought you wanted. As I read once in Cheryl Richardson’s newsletter, “Any rejection is God’s protection”.

2. Be Consistent. Keep going, doing the little things every day that keep you creative and that keep you connected to other artists and to your customers. The dramatic moments and big wins and losses will come and go. Have a steady routine you can keep coming back to, and this will help to place any criticism or rejection into perspective. Today is a new day, another day you get to be an artist.

3. Be Focused. Keep your end goal in mind, and always be mindful of why you’re doing what you’re doing. That will help you focus on the big picture and not get tripped up by each bump in the road along the way.

4. Be Resilient. Remember that your sense of self-worth comes from inside of you. When you’re able to be confident in yourself regardless of the feedback you get from external sources, you’re able to bounce back much more easily from any negative feedback that you may get.

5. Be Positive. Focus your attention on the positive and you’ll attract more of it. This is the premise of the “law of attraction”, and I’ve certainly seen it work in my own life. Hear the positive feedback you receive and replay it over in your mind whenever you need to.

6. Be Clear. Approach constructive feedback with an accurate perspective, not muddled with thoughts from your own inner critic. Take it as a helpful tool for your own growth and remember that ultimately the only opinion that matters is your own – because you need to be happy with what you’re producing.

7. Be Grateful. Be gracious to your critics, accept all of the feedback you receive, sit quietly and let it sink in. Be grateful to be actively creating – to have gotten past the fear and other roadblocks. Be grateful for the opportunity to have your work seen and heard. Some never get the chance.

8. Be Responsive. Decide consciously what to do with feedback before responding, instead of reacting with the first thought or words that come to mind.

9. Be Selective. Once you’ve decided what to do the feedback you’ve received, be selective and willing to let go of the hurtful feedback. This usually doesn’t have anything to do with you anyway; it’s a reflection of that person’s own happiness, state of mind and comfort with themselves.

10. Be Loving. Be loving of your critic and ESPECIALLY of yourself. Plan some self-care treats for the day of the audition or submission. Regardless of the outcome, you deserve it!

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.
Sir Winston Churchill (1874 – 1965)

 

Respond or React, What Do I Do?

Christ Consciousness

I find myself in  a situation where I had to react, felt I had to react and perhaps push a bit to try to know what was happening, prior to that with the Holy Spirit giving me a vision of what was needed I felt the need to react, to do all I could to follow the Holy Spirit and share that vision and save the institution, one that represents my culture, heritage through the faith heritage.  

In that I got too caught up, stressed myself and I forgot to stay centered in my Christ Consciousness and core faith journey.  Not that I don’t care what happens to the church, I do.  I want to see it saved and thriving, to be a thriving example of a traditionalist Roman Catholic church, and yes I know this Pope hates traditionalists and Conservatives, but I hope this parish I had hoped I could help flourish does get to that point.  I also realize that I have to accept the persons there as they are, but accepting them as they are does not mean I have work with them.  It does not mean I have to be part of that faith institution.  I can wish it well, pray for it, but I have to respond in a way that is healthy for me, and I have to respond in Christ Consciousness, meaning what would Christ tell me to do, in what way would Christ respond or indicate to me to respond?  I can’t change the people I would be trying to collaborate with, that I have to accept.   Standing in Christ consciousness, could I collaborate with certain people, having the sense and vision I have been given for the church, respond to that person, who they are, how they manage things etc.. without getting stressed to where my fibromyalgia constantly flares up?  Can I work with certain individuals without getting reactive, to where I stress myself out because things are not very well planned ahead of time?  That is the million dollar question I need to answer.  

Amen