Love Yourself, Vanity?

Love Yourself Then

We often see the movies where these relationships come together so magically, and it’s beautiful, not saying it doesn’t happen.  If you’re not a warped, destroyed by academia man-hating modern feminist, you might want a relationship, a significant other to share your life with, your joys, sadness etc.. with.  I know I do.  Here is the thing, for me to have a relationship, I first have to have a great one with myself, with the Holy Trinity, with that great force of creation that brought me into being.  There can’t be an us with anyone if I am not clear in me, who I am, some clarity in that and my life’s path.  If I am one mass or bundle of confusion, how can I be in a relationship? What will happen is I will simply mimic that person in order to have an identity, clarity and that’s not authenticity,  So, it’s important that for any one of us to embrace an “us”, there first be a “me” with a core philosophy and worldview, preferably not one that hates men or women or is anarchist in nature, since that’s not healthy for anyone.  I value my Italian-American Catholic heritage from a cultural standpoint and there is wisdom in Catholic teaching.  However, my heart, spirit, and soul follow a very metaphysical understanding of the Bible, and a historical one, a beautiful combination.  That and one who believes in a Classical Conservative view of the world in terms of government is who I am, a teacher, minister of transformation in what I do is who I am.  Once there is a clarity in “me”, then there can be a journey to seek an “us”, that media naranja, that yin to our yang. I hope you are able to find your authentic core before the “us”, to have a happiest “us’ in your life, whether if be friendship or beyond. 

Namaste, Shalom and Amen

What Does It Mean?

I love you means

When we y to someone that we love them, a spouse, a parent, a friend, what do we mean.  We don’t ever have to tolerate or stay around abuse, but in general we can tend to have these high ideals for relationships and when the person doesn’t meet that ideal or surprise surprise turns out to be human and with faults, like we don’t have any yeah right, dream on, we go into tantrums. I came across this and realized this is an important lesson in life about relationships, about the difference between idealistic puppy love and mature love, this being mature love. 

Amen

Online Potentials and Perils

yin and yang.png

Like many things in life the Internet has its’ yin and yang, potentials, and perils so to speak. Instagram is an example of that.  I have had several gentleman follow me after posting videos to promote my blog, my music. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind interacting with fans once in a while, but these guys don’t seem to come in with a lot of maturity.   You have those that are like a bull in a china shop as the saying goes and immediately bombard you with personal questions, or those who immediately start calling you sweetheart, honey, babe, all this stuff, which is not appropriate unless you two are officially a couple for some time or are engaged. Then you have those who start off seeming nice enough, great, then after a few chats declare their love, are ready to upheaval their life for you, move to the ends of the earth for you.  They don’t know your background, your history, anything about your life, family, and you have not verified anything about them, their background etc…, yet they are declaring forever their love and wanting a commitment.   That is not realistic, definitely not a sign of maturity.  You can look at a photo, see someone’s videos online, all that and love certain qualities that come across, their eyes, their smile, you can feel something sparked, not saying you can’t, and when you talk online, chat you might feel very much at ease with them and they with you.  That does not constitute being in love or that the relationship is solidified in any substantial way.  Relationships take some time to build, you have to seek common ground, really know you will be there for each other through thick and thin, and all of that takes time, takes spending actual face to face time with each other.  Knowing a person past and present is not done in a few chats, falling in love, real Agape, and beyond love is not done in just a few chats.  Also, if someone is going to make any choices in life about changing anything in their life, it has to be for them, not you as the reason to run from where they are at now.  When any relationship on line is attempted to move at the speed of lightening to “love you to the end of time” or anything like that and they want a firm commitment of partnership, commitment, red flag.  For me anyway, I promised myself and God that when and if I were to make that solemn commitment it would be made with maturity, deliberation, prayer etc.., and the person would be one of like mind, goals and also one of maturity.  One can be spontaneous and still have maturity, but there is a difference between mature spontaneity and immature impulsiveness.  It’s important to know the difference. 

I am  open to love and marriage all of that, even through Instagram, but it has to be with a person who has a certain level of maturity and of course a MAGA Patriot, one of like mind.  If I sense any red flags I need to pay attention.

Amen

Still With You

I Am Still With You

As I watched the Capitol 4th Celebration on TV and they mentioned 9/11, I thought of the dreams I had had that week about people jumping out of buildings, buildings on fire, funerals, crazy dreams that made no sense at the time and that morning just before the alarm was set to ring, shortly before I had a dream with my Nanna, dad’s mom telling me, go back to sleep, stay in bed, it’s not your time to go.  I didn’t understand, but my gut said, listen to Nanna.  When the alarm rang and mom came to wake me up at 8:15 or so I said no, Nanna said to stay in bed, not time to go and I refused to go to the appointment. Well if II had I would have been in the Towers. 

Was it my Nanna? Was it God sending an angel in my dreams taking shape as Nanna so I would listen and not go that day? The theology really of it didn’t matter, still really doesn’t matter.  What did and does is that God was with me, felt I needed to be here, had something to do with my life, now granted fibromyalgia hit and hit hard, and I have had a winding journey to get to the understanding that I love inspiring and coaching whether directly or through the arts, but still.  It also as I remembered this and my dad, different people, realized they never leave us, their memory, even if there was family turmoil and they were not in our lives long, they never leave us.  I didn’t see Nanna after I was 10 years old, and my dad I was ten when I last saw him alive and then saw him again in a casket.  People may not be with us physically, but they don’t ever leave us, what they said, taught us, memories created, all of that crops up at times, depending. We are shaped by those in our lives, our interactions etc…I need to take a look at that for myself, my own life.

There is someone else who is always with us, the one who created us, He, the Word Made Flesh, and the Spirit of Counsel, and as I re-learn about our nation, it’s birth, different events that gave birth to us, to the USA, I know that to be true.  Never forget we are never alone, though people may forsake us, the Trinity and Heavenly hosts do not.  Amen

 

What Makes Friendship Unbreakable

Widing Road

Friendship, a beautiful thing.  There are friendships that last a lifetime.  What makes that possible.  I have been thinking about that, about what would make a friendship that is really deep and would last a life time. 

First thing I think is a similar worldview, shared values, some synchronicity and synergy.  What else, is that all?  No. Those things may change over time to some degree, so there also has to be the ability to accept change, and sometimes if one has very deeply held views on issues, that is not easily done.  There also has to be the ability to discuss a range of issues without getting into an all out war, which again, if either or both of you are very passionate about the issue may be tricky.  You also have to able to tell it to each other as you see it and accept it.  That is not always easy.  If one of you has very strong intuitive spiritual tendencies and stuff strongly comes up, you and you are a very strong personality by nature, you find you can’t not just say what you sense. That can create friction, so navigating that added element can be like sitting on a bomb and not having it go off, not moving so it doesn’t go off so to speak.  There are many nuances to friendship, for it to last a life time, so many levels of dance and sometimes one of you will trip durning this beautiful dance and there is no recovery. 

I have also realized that I really never had the friendships, not more than one or two that were really of great depth, and those of these that were couldn’t withstand my personality, as I can be rather passionate in my opinions, viewpoints, and also expressing what I intuitively pick up, strongly pick up.  When anyone picks up stuff intuitively or gets info in a dream, it is not that absolutely it will happen, but when you keep sensing that strongly or have a recurring dream of it in regards to yourself or your life, it’s telling you, take a look at what is going on so you don’t end up there or take care of something because this is a looming possibility.  In friendship, any relationship people find it hard to deal with this, especially since I am not one to back down just for the sake of keeping the peace.  That I am realizing has impacted my relationships.  I realize I need find a way to change some dynamics, while still honoring my views and also the intuitive impressions I receive.  I do need to check into a regular group meditation practice and such because that I believe will be of help. The dance of relationship, of friendship is one that I realize requires balance and I need to find that balance within so I can have it externally in my relationship with others.  I don’t want superficial relationships, I don’t need many either.  I do want a few that are truly deep connections and are lifetime ones, so I need to be myself the type of person that embodies someone that others would want to have such a friendship with. As I make my way through this course of being my own coach, interesting insights emerge. 

Amen

Change or Inspire to Change?

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We have heard it said that love can move mountains and change a person, but is that accurate to say, in other words can you really force anyone to change, make anyone change, force life, people  to go in a direction contrary to the direction it is anointed to go in?   Should you for that matter?  When we think of transforming lives, persons for the greater good, or even society, very noble, but can we really force change, and is that a good thing always?  We see the change of subjective truth, reality and morality, society forcing change on this front and what that has done to society, family.  Even at the individual level, if you want a person to change their behavior patterns, negative ones, destructive ones, is the best way to push and try and force it, or to be a positive example of what a happy, healthy, life of constructive, wise, sacred wisdom choices looks like?  There are some things we need to consider before jumping in to automatically change someone overnight and an article  I came across, a few of them really stood out to me.  

Outlook, we have different outlooks and viewpoints that are sometimes based on our life experiences, which might be vastly different and so it might be a good idea if we tried to understand why that other person views the world as they do.  If their family has come from a history and personal experience of constant persecution, they might see a boogey man around every corner.  We might think it’s silly, but not to them, so understanding that might help to figure out an approach.  Motivation, what’s your motivation?  Do you want them to change because you genuinely want what’s best for them, or a selfish ulterior motive? might want to check that because motive matters.  The energy you are putting into trying to change them by force will only take away from any progress you could be making with yourself and your life, which could be an example to them, which cold inspire change.  You’ve heard the saying “Be careful what you wish for”.  Well, if you don’t understand why they see it as they do, have a very selfish motive for wanting to see changes in their lives etc…you may end up with changes that you then find are not what you expected and you may end up regretting having forced changes.  Any change, transformation has to come from within.  That doesn’t mean you can’t inspire through words, actions etc.. in your own life, but any change anyone makes, even your own kids, it has to come from within, from their own free will.  Pray, meditate, be a great example, admit also when you screw up, but also be an example of growing , learning, changing for the better.  That is the best way we can change anyone and by setting boundaries of what behavior we will and will not tolerate in our lives.  Be an example, don’t force, manipulate, just live and have clear boundaries that won’t waiver.

Shalom and Amen

Love, Freedom and Home

Freedom and Home You FInd

One of the beautiful lessons that I hope comes with age is that you can’t make anyone love or like you, that my friends is futile.  Either you will be their cup of tea or you won’t and same goes with others, once you have had some time to know them.  Some people, well they just light up a room when they enter, have a really impacting personality more than others.  That’s okay. 

Love you come to realize, even the romantic kind on which you build a life long companionship, or that in families is a gift, never coerced, shouldn’t be and is never gained through deceit or anything like that.  Love that is truly love is given and received very naturally, very organically, no need to feel guilt about it, or coerced and it truly does feel heart, spirt and soul a place of safety, feels like home.  That’s been something I have to come to understand, love is a gift, the right person, right union etc… has to be one that is a free exchange of effort, time, energy etc… mutually and it mutually feels like home.  Otherwise, it’s not a pure and true love, not a healthy love or relationship.  Sometimes we do have to go through a few wrong ones or a long stretch of an unhealthy one in life to realize this, just the way it is.  Hopefully sooner rather than later we realize it and we see that love if not given freely, joyfully etc… is not love and if that relationship does not feel totally safe and like home, not a good one.  We tend to want the constant rush of excitement, and while I absolutely believe that a physical attraction matters, that having a great connection on different levels matters, again if the love can not mutually, is not mutually given fully, freely, it is a healthy love and it can not be home.  Home, true home safe, vibrant, joyful and warm is where we should all want to be.

Amen

Don’t forget to check out https://soundcloud.com/kathy-appello to listen and remember all my tunes are available on iTunes and other online music retailers. 

 

The Fading Away

night sky and stars

 

As I look around and as I look at life I see, what do I see?

I see vague memories,

Flower in a book of long ago, a fabric of a favorite dress,

Now faded, so you can’t quite tell the color that it once was.

I see faded parchment, paper that now is yellowish, delicate to the touch,

Stars that are no longer shining in the sky,

Day that goes into night,

And night that goes into day.

That is what I see.

 

Just as these things fade in life,

I have seen people fade out and away,

Bonds that one thought were deep and strong,

They slowly faded until they were but a distant memory.

In some cases it was because truth was spoken that could not be accepted,

In others, who knows, one day suddenly there was silence,

No particular incident or reason, just silence.,

Day into night, night into day, a fading away.

 

Intelligence, Is It About Books, Facts?

Intellegences.jpg

We often think of intelligence as knowledge of facts, as if knowing facts or being passionate about a cause, for the sake of the cause, makes for  intelligence.  Well, no it doesn’t.  Intelligence is not about how much information you know or retain, nor how passionate you are about a cause just because you are.  Intelligence is more complex than that, so when I came across this, ti really spoke to me.  When coaching, teaching, ministering, parenting,  in relationships, intimate ones, it might be a good idea to try and understand which of these intelligences a person is operating from, so we can interact accordingly.  I hope this chart can be helpful to us in our interactions with others, as interactions with others can be baffling at times.

Amen