As I lay there on the sofa, wrapped up in my robe and blanket very late,
As I pondered how I was losing more and more of myself,
How I was losing more and more to this shadow, this cloud,
Which never seems to dissipate,
Sadness came over me, though I am usually quite a positive gal.
I thought of today, the church wedding I had promised to attend,
Daughter of a childhood friend, haven’t seen them since they were 8 or 10 perhaps
And suddenly I felt deflated, the dreams of all I wanted to do with life so far away,
Lost in a quagmire of clouds and dust.
Then I flipped the channel and a wards of faith were spoken,,
Words of scripture and those clouds, that dust didn’t seem so ominous after all.
I have always tried to look at the glass as half full and remind myself that there are those worse off than me. I pretty much succeed, but as the Endometriosis, incontinence, constant fibromyalgia pain etc.. have literally confined me more and more to home, it has meant I have had to make a conscious effort to do this. It helps to listen to Chrisitan programs, hear music such as this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhS3tlpAclc, sit a bit in the small park in front of my coop complex when the weather permits, listen to meditative and spiritual music. There are some days like today when my friend’s daughter is getting married and I just don’t feel well enough to be there that it get a bit tough to be all sunshine and roses. I also think of my elderly mom with whom I reside, she has issues with her heart and diabetes so I can’t let her see me sad or depressed, so for her sake I have to put on a smiling and brave face, even when I feel like crying from the pain etc.. I guess it makes me a stronger person. Life is what it is and you have to navigate the tears along with the smiles.
Namaste, Shalom and Amen