The return of someone still dear to my heart can go sweet or sour and I play a part in that, which direction it goes. Granted, we hurt other, were not ready for the intensity of the feelings, at least I wasn’t, still carrying too much junk from my childhood. Whether it was him or any man, I was not ready to be in any deep connection or feel deeply as I did with him. I take ownership of that, of the fact that it screwed things up, created problems. In my healing circle this past weekend I discovered that for example with the fibromyalgia my real war is with my comparative of who I was before the fibro hit and hit hard and who I am now fibro and all. Unless I can accept what is now, present, me as is in the present, I can’t move through the fibro situation to a better future in a truly positive holistic way. That got me to thinking about this relationship, which might get another chance, any trust issues and all that.
First thing is that I can’t go back to the past to what it was, who he was, who I was, that needs to be released, let go of, mourned perhaps briefly, discussed briefly, but let go of, buried, left in the past. What counts is now, where we are now, what we feel now for each other when we see each other again, and the future, what we want for the relationship for the future and getting there in a positive way. I also thought about the trust issue. Is it that I don’t trust him or he doesn’t trust me, or is it communication and personality styles, where he is the analytical one and I am the Initiator, which means we just communicate and process things differently, we need to respect that mutually, be very patient about it? Seems to be that might be the core thing, not that we don’t love or trust each other. If that is the case, which I believe it is, okay, then we simply have to find a way to communicate well, honor each other’s personality and communication type. Understanding who we each are and letting go of what was, after we air constructively any grievances I believe is the path forward in this relationship, whatever form it takes. Fingers crossed!
Namaste, Shalom and Amen