Unresolved, My Role

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Unresolved, My Role

I have spent so much time being annoyed,  frustrated and in pain about an unresolved something and with the other person.  Yes, it takes two to tango, so they play a part in the unresolved, so doubt.  However, it does take two to tango and so with a relationship and some other stuff, I had to look in the mirror.

Not always fun to do introspection, but that what these ten days of awe are about and what life’s journey is about, learning, understanding, and growing.  If I achieve that in sacred love and context and with a journey that leads to a deep true love and bliss, joy etc…, so much more on a spiritual level, even as an artist doing it my way as an independent spiritual artist, then Amen.  When I did my introspection and understanding things at a metaphysical level and that the world does operate on energy and vibration, the Word creates, and words have power, meaning etc…, as do thoughts.  What does that have to do with anything?  A lot in terms of relationships and life in general, especially if you are the creative and intuitive type that connects on a metaphysical level to people and they to you as I do.  

Relationship wise, while my conscious mind, heart, and spirit were sending out the message “I love you, and I wish to build my life with you” , my subconscious was saying “I don’t trust you, loving you scares me, our world are too different and I don’t trust you to love me enough for it to be okay, to have my back, not really”  In sending those mixed messages of I want you in my life, but I don’t trust you, get out of my life, I sabotaged, and handled things in a way that created pain.  They did the same thing, we mirrored each other in this way, without realizing it.  Perhaps if I had realized it sooner and could have changed my perspective, my dynamics we would have had resolution a lot sooner, but I can’t change the past, only acknowledge what I didn’t understand etc… then and change it in the present. Now I am clear, life can be clear and my relationship, connection can be clear.  Once I know “I love this person deeply, and I want to spend forever with them, be their life partner etc..” When there is no “but…”  or “what if…” after that, then things can move forward and this time around, with Yom Kippur, and Atonement, I will be asking on the Metaphysical plane and hope their heart, spirit and soul feel it, pardon for not being absolutely without doubt before about wanting to be their life partner and their being my heart, spirit and soulmate.  We both put out one thing consciously, and another subconsciously, but with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, Elohim willing we both have transformation and are not the same people we were.  Elohim willing, we are literally transformed heart, spirit and soul to greater levels of maturity relationship wise and knowing who we are, including to each other. Does that mean I can force the other person to make the same choice as I do, no, so if they make a different choice, must I respect it? Yes.  Do I wait indefinitely for resolution? No.  I know where my heart is etc…, but I can’t make the other person be with me, free will.  I can put out to the spiritual plane a call for resolution one way or the other, so I can have closure one way or the other. I can be open to new possibilities should they decide and make it clear, I am not the one they wish to spend the rest of their life with.  I have my clarity and all I can do now is put it out there to the cosmos, Elohim and their heart, spirit and soul, for clarity and resolution ASAP to then move forward or move on after Yom Kippur. 

This is also true for me as an artist.  On the one hand I wanted to be an independent artist, a very successful one, but on the other hand I had this constant subconscious concern being the only child and my mom being older that if I was successful and if I had to travel then I would have to leave her alone and would that make me a bad daughter.  While on the one hand I was thinking “I want success and prosperity and get my own place etc…” On the other hand, I was thinking that would make me perhaps a bad daughter, so sending these confused signals even to God, well which prayer does he answer, after all free will remember, so if we are giving all kinds of signals, no clarity and aren’t really seeking clarity properly, then Elohim may just stand back until we are clear, honoring free will.  I plan on setting up WordPress Entrepreneur, creating and recording new material to offer on here, as soon as my fundraising goals have been met of $900, which I am sure will be very soon.