As I was realizing that the Festival of San Gennaro was right around the corner and I had done all I could to coordinate things, all I could, to get things moving as quickly and efficiently as possible, but was not getting as far as I should, things not moving as they should suddenly I was taken back in time.
I was reminded of the movie The Sound of Music and when she is walking down the aisle to get married, the nuns start singing “What do you do with a problem like Maria?” The song goes on to say that there’s many a thing you ought to tell her, many of thing she out to know, implied that she just doesn’t get stuff she ought to get. Again it asks what to do with a problem like Maria. The nuns had to acknowledge that you can’t really do much. There are those who will never be focused, never be like a laser beam with their ideas, quick to action when action is what is needed. There are maybe lots like Maria out there, who ought to get it, from how to treat friends and colleagues etc.., to how to be timely in their actions, reactions, have a sense of things, but don’t. Often as a result projects that we may have been really hopeful about, had lots of enthusiasm about in the beginning, that can get crushed when you feel you are dealing with a Maria, male or female, that type of situation, person. This birthday could have been one with a few smiles for me, but frustration from feeling like a lone ranger in getting things off the ground, moving etc.. take away the smiles this birthday. Add on top of that the fibromyalgia acting up, and my frustration with this Pope, the “social justice, PC” confusion he has created, other factors and not feeling very smiley. I realize also that I view Catholicism really more as a culture aspect, an aspect of heritage. My true Christian soul is perhaps more in line, tune with let’s say the Neighborhood Church of the West Village, that Protestant, Congregational type of Christianity, a strong sense of the church being the one to foster the arts. I guess my conflict or so called conflict, which I thought was about Jesus and who he was is more of one within my framework of faith as a Christian, in terms of “Is my soul Catholic or Anglican Conservative. That is really what I need to explore and I intend to, but how?
I think that seeing how I would feel, fit into someplace like the NCGV and still respect my heritage, including the Catholic faith, but really see where I feel truly authentic and myself, where I feel I can fully embrace the theology. The exploration really is about my Christianity, what does that mean to me, how do I identify myself, in terms of being Christian. This is going to be interesting, but necessary. As for my role as Arts Associate at MPB church, let’s see how that goes, if we can get organized for the arts program. Not holding my breath on that, not totally. I hope the church survives and thrives, really do. There has to be a lot more of everyone being proactive, efficient and organized, moving at a solid fast pace to accomplish what is to be accomplished. We shall see, only time can tell. One thing I do know is that the ballon of hope for great collaboration etc…has been somewhat deflated. Who knows it might just turn around right?