From a psychology standpoint, this is our shadow self. From a faith and biblical standpoint, it is the conscience, which tells us should tell us, from an objective morals standpoint the choice that is within healthy to us and all ethical, moral parameters. When we don’t operate from that object morals standpoint, we end up in all kinds of messed, maybe very destructive situations. The result of that can be, I can tell you, not so great. With that comes all kinds of negative baggage, and even refusal to confront or accept what was done, what the subconscious, even by outside influences, led us to do and the consequences. Our conscience is supposed to “convict us”, show us that we were not supposed to go that path and must go a different path.
Seems pretty logical, right. However, actually confronting how we screwed up, who we hurt, how we hurt even ourselves, that shadow part of self is, our conscience is never easy. The thing is, if we don’t confront it constructively, we will be in constant anxiety, shame, etc… We all screw up, sometimes big time, and we hurt others big time, which can set up our life long path of beating ourselves up, even isolating ourselves. It can impede true change, so we need to find solid mentors and a solid community that will help us work through the darkness of the shadow self. For me working through my shadow self stuff and reconciling my past stupidity has not been an easy path, but thanks to my faith community and to prayer, working through meditative prayer to let go, affirming change from within, I have been able to do so. I hope you find a way to constructively work through your shadow self, but understand it is a process, for some, it is a shorter one than others. Be willing to make the journey from darkness to light.